Hold Me Tight, And Don't Let Go (On Hold)

Chapter 8: Wasted Time

My dropped to my stomach as the tears began welling up in my eyes. I held them back remembering Michael was still there." How?"

"They said that.....he overdosed." I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was crying, his words wasn't as articulate as usual."On heroin....he had been dead hours before Jacob found him."

"W-what?" I asked, my voice was shaking, I swallowed the huge lump growing in my throat.

"Jacob said that he was just sitting there, his eyes was just slightly opened and that.....he was looking towards the door. He thought he just out of it."

As soon as he said that I thought back yo the time earlier that day when he was just sitting there staring at me. He wasn't moving he wasn't even blinking. "He was already dead." I said to myself. I had said all that to him and he was dead. I didn't even realize it.

"Terri?" I looked over at him, his eyes was filled with concern."Are you okay?"

"Theresa?" Josh asked.

I just stared over at the wall, lost in the moment, I still held the tears back but I was ready to break right in front of him but I thought it was inappropriate." Where are they taking him."

"They're sending him off to do an autopsy report, they wanted to be certain that the cause of death wasn't just by a heroin overdose."

" Does Anna know?" I asked referring to my mother.

"Yes, she's upset by it," he said softly. "Practically cried her eyes out, she says its her fault."

I snorted."Well I blame her for it, if she would have been logical and stayed where she was, non of this would have been happening."

"Theresa, don't go blaming anybody, he did this to himself."

I rolled my eyes." Whatever." I said stubbornly. " I don't care whose fault it is, he's dead because she showed up here, and if it wasn't for her coming up there and arguing with him about me he would've never became frustrated and started shooting himself up with heroin!" I said raising my voice.

Michael looked utterly confused as to what I was talking about.

"Look, we knew this was going to happen a long time ago. He was a complete mess, drinking 24/7, all that we did and all the he had a accomplished was wasted time to him. He just didn't care."

I fought back the tears that I had making its way out of my eyes." I never thought he'd let get this far."

" Its good to think of it that way, Tessie." He sounded hurt." But we have to learn to except the truth, he was gone a long time ago spiritually, his body is just now giving in."

That did it, those words that spoke for themselves, they spoke the truth of my father. The tears started running down my face and I couldn't stop them.

" I have to go." He said. " We have to start making funeral arrangements."

The phone line went dead and I just stared at the wall again still holding the phone to my ear. I let my hand drop lazily on my lap and covered my other hand with my mouth. I couldn't believe he was gone.

I didn't understand why I felt that way, considering the fact that he treated me like a piece of crap most of my life. He was still the only father figure I ever had in my life. He was the only one I knew. But knowing that he hated me for being in existence was something that hurt me even more. The fact that he left and the last real conversation we ever had was when he told me that he hated the mistakes that my mother made and that I was one of them was was something that just broke my soul. I didn't know how to deal with my own problems. It was just something that was impracticable for me to do.