Hold Me Tight, And Don't Let Go (On Hold)

Chapter 7: In A Darkened Room

I drove up the long rocky road and saw Josh standing in the fields as usual. He face was creased with confusion when he saw me pull up. I got out the car slamming the door behind me. " Is Luther here?" I asked. I had been thinking about my mothers visit to my office and the fact that she told me I had a sister who was thirteen. My mom left when I was ten years old and now that I think about it she wasn't around much then neither. It made me wonder if she continued having an affair even when she came back to New York.

He gave me a confused look." Yes.." he said suspiciously.

I ignored it and started walking up the steps. When I opened the door it was dark but I could see him sitting on the couch. I could tell he was high. I looked down on the table where there was a spoon, next to it was a box of matches and laying down next to that was a needle. I looked up at him, the belt was still wrapped around his arm. And I could see the track marks. I shook my head. I hated seeing him like this. Even if he treated me like crap my whole life. I still had a love for him that just wouldn't go away.

Just the Jacob walked in and stopped short when he saw me. He didn't even look over at Luther." Is this really necessary?" I asked him.

He looked over at him, he was now fast asleep. " He and Mom had gotten into an argument." He said Nonchalantly. I wondered why he seem to not have cared but then I realized that he lived there and he was used to seeing him like this on a daily basis.

" About what?" I asked.

" You." he said then walked out the room. He disappeared out of the front door.

I felt the confusion growing on my face." Me?" I asked myself. I looked over at Luther who was now staring up at me. He raised his long bushy eyebrow at me." I know what your thinking," I said. " I was just leaving." I turned around and began walking towards the door but the stopped in my tracks. "I just want to let you know something," I said as I turned around. " You can sit here and hate me all you want but its not my fault, so if you want me completely out your life, then fine. You dont have to worry about me coming back." He continued staring at me not saying anything. His expression didn't change at all. I looked down at the heroin and shook my head. I then turned around and walked out the door.

Jacob was sitting out there in a rocking chair, ones that my mother had bought when Josh was born. I sat down next to him."I'm sorry that you have to deal with this."

He shook his head." There's no need to apologize," He said without even making eye contact." Honestly I don't care."

I smirked at him." You know you do, don't even lie to yourself like that." I saw this kind of behavior in some of my patients. They tell everyone that they don't care about whatever situation that they are exposed to, but really deep down side they do. I was guilty of that myself.

He turned his head and gave me a disgusted look." Why'd you have to be a phycologists?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

He sighed." It really doesn't matter anyway, I'll be leaving soon enough."

I gave him a look of confusion." What do you mean?"

" I got a scholarship in mechanical engineering and I will be going to Texas for college."

My mouth dropped." Your leaving?"

" Yeah, that's what I just said basically."

" Oh," I said. I couldn't believe my little brother was actually leaving me. " When will you be leaving?"

" Next month, Classes starts in November."

" Well, I'm proud of you," I said in a faint whisper. I couldn't blame him for leaving. He was witnessing our father drugging himself everyday and our mother who had abandoned us years ago had come back causing even more drama and he was just sitting on the side lines enduring all of it." Have you told Josh yet?"