Lying To Be Perfect?// Michael Clifford.

26.

I'm standing in front of Michael but he isn't looking at me. Instead he turns to Calum as asks, "What is she doing here?"

She. Honestly, he said that with so much disgust. Has he never lied to anyone or something? Why is he acting like he has never hurt someone who he didn't mean to? Why is he making everything 10 times more difficult for me?

Calum just shrugs indicating he doesn't know.

"Well, Andrea has something to tell you, Mike," Luke says.

"I don't want to listen? I spoke to her the other day.. I don't wanna listen to the same shit again,"

Shit. So my apologies were shit to him? God. I should have just left. He talks about me like he wants me dead.

"Don't be a fucking dick," Luke says, "She missed her flight just for you. So sort this out," With that Luke and Calum leave.

Michael and I are standing in the room, in complete silence. I don't know how to start... What if he just chokes me? I mean, he is REALLY mad.

"Uh..." I start.

"What?" he snaps, immediately, "Am I just waiting here to see your face or you really do have something else to say?"

"Can you stop acting like that?!" I lose all my calm, my voice cracks, I did not realize how much his words and disgust does hurt me, "I'm trying, okay? Can you pretend that you don't want me to just drop dead for a minute?"

"I can do that for 5 minutes, I think," he mutters.

Great. He doesn't even care about the fact that I was almost going to cry. Why am I here anyway? I'm just going to end up leaving.

"Look," I start and he looks up as we maintain a stable eye contact, "I know you hate me. And I'm not going to ask you to justify why. I know it. And I know you have every right to hate me. But, I want you to know that you cannot hate me more than I hate myself. And Michael, I know that you know that I have lied a lot. But I did not lie about my feelings for you, I do like you. I mean, I possibly even love you. I have always loved you and when I saw you that day.... I - I couldn't think, alright? I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be cool and pretty and I did not want you to think that I'm a loser. I wanted to be different than any other girl you've ever met, because, well only because I wanted you. And things got out of hand. I did lie about dating you to my friends, but it was all supposed to be a joke just to make my lonely ass feel better about myself. I did not mean to take it this far. But Taylor and Emma told everyone in school about it...and I couldn't tell them that I was lying - because, well, I'm a coward," my voice cracks again and I don't hold the tears back anymore, this is me and he needs to know how much I am hurting, "I'm a coward, Michael. That's what I am. That's why I lied about dating you, lied about Terrance being my ex boyfriend, lied about almost everything you could think of.... But, I did not lie about my feelings for you. And I want you to know that. I hate myself for hurting you. I really do. Maybe you haven't hurt anyone you really love because if you did, you would know that I am more disgusted with myself. And yeah... That's all I want to tell you," I finish.

"Good," he says, "Because your 5 minutes are over, too."

"Right," I say, more tears falling down, "I think I should leave,"

"Yeah," he simply says.

"Wow.... You actually do hate me," I say.

He walks towards me, "I do. I hate you so much. You wouldn't want to know,"

"Why?" I ask, crying, "I said I'm sorry! Do you even know how much courage it took me to come here, stand in front of you and tell you all of that? Are you just pretending to be ignorant towards my feelings? Do you still think I don't feel bad? Do you still think I don't love you? Or are you fucking blind, Michael?"

"Do you fucking realize that I'm asking you to leave because if you stay here for two more minutes I am going to end up falling in love with you all over again?!" he snaps.

I don't even care, I just walk towards him, eliminating the distance between us and kiss him. I kiss him with all my frustration, sadness, desperation... At this point I don't even notice that he is kissing me with the same passion. I just keep kissing him till we're both out of breath and then I pull away, "I don't fucking care," I say.

He just smiles, "You shouldn't because you made me fall in love with you. Again. I tried to hate you so much... I tried so hard. And I almost thought I did hate you when you said you were leaving. But you just had to come here, yeah?"

"I -" I choke on my own tears, "I couldn't leave you. Luke made me realize that I couldn't just... Leave,"

He wipes my tears, "No more crying, yeah? I'm sorry I was such an asshole. I know I hurt you a lot. I just.... I didn't want to believe that you do love me,"

"Don't apologise," I say, "It was all my fault. I'm an idiot,"

"A really really beautiful idiot," he agrees and kisses me again.