Chapter 32 : Struggles

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Nijicchi's Nonsense: I am sorry for the wait ;~; It's Minho's fault for being too hot and sassy OTZ Anyways, this chappie is Nijimura-centric and well, ugh, there's lots of swearing... and there's also a little reference here to my other fic hahah XD it's kinda easy to spot, really.

ENJOY Reading~ Comments are much appreciated xD

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Nijimura had not been able to sleep well the past few nights. His father's health got worse. He was slowly stabilizing but the younger Nijimura still couldn't help but be paranoid.

Will Dad be fine? Will he recover? Will he be fine?

Those questions kept on running through the black-haired teen's mind. He kept on rolling on his bed trying to find the most comfortable position to sleep. As he lay on his side, he saw the white ribbon resting on his table. Akashi...

She said he should keep it until they meet again. Will they even meet again? Then what if she really is Seij--

"Shuzo! Dinner is ready!" his mother's voice cut that line of thought. He didn't want to get up. He just wanted to lie on his bed and succumb to his whatever negative feeling was ruling over him.

Damn.

But he'll make his mother worry if he didn't eat his dinner, he pushed his self out of his bad and went down to have some. Surely, nobody would want him to sulk and get engulfed by his emotions. Not his dad, not his family... Not Akashi.

Nijimura smiled bitterly at the thought as he reached the bottom of the stairs. Why think of her? You're just making yourself even more miserable than you already are, he chided his self mentally.

The only ones who talked on their dinner were his little siblings who were still a little too innocent to understand the real situation. They've given the children some sugarcoatted words after all. That should be fine. His little brother and sister didn't need to be forced to face such a cruel reality.

***

As Nijimura expected, he found it hard to sleep. For fuck's sake, he needed to sleep! He needed a good night rest and a peace of mind. Two things he hadn't got since... Well, since his life turned into a dramatic fucked up mess. And this is fucking reality.

He rolled to his side.

"I'm Akashi,"

he could still hear Akashi's small voice. Her smooth small voice. He snorted a laugh after remembering the first ever bizarre thing that Akashi Seira had ever told him.

Nijimura could still remember half of his moments with her very clearly, the other half was kinda blurry and distant. Scenes flashed through his mine. Her little smiles, her serious face, her cute pouting face, her ever-so present gracefulness which only didn't manifest itself in its full extent when she was playing basketball, and almost everything about her.

She's gone.

She's fucking gone Shuzo, so stop moping. Your dad being hospitalized is already fucking enough to make you miserable... You don't need to add more damn fucking problems...

He lied on his back and stared off into space. Damn it. He sighed. Damn. He put an arm over his eyes. Nijimura was tired. He was so much tired. But he couldn't find rest.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breathe. Frustrated and fed up with this bullshit he was going through, Nijimura hit the wall beside him with the side of his knuckles. It hurt like hell but he welcomed the pain. He even craved for more. Nijimura craved for all kinds of pain... so long as it's not emotional.

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