"I made you breakfast honey"
He came into the room with a full breakfast. I sat up and looked at him. I couldn't help but smile. He was shirtless and his hair was a mess. He sat down on the edge of the bed.
"This doesn't change that I'm mad at you" I said.
"I know"
He handed me the board with food and I took a bite of the delicious sandwich he made.
"But this is delicious" I closed my eyes and acted like I just ate the best thing ever. He laughed.
"You want some too?" I asked and handed him the sandwich.
"No, it's yours. Eat it, you still have to grow"
"I know you want it, but okay. Because you're teasing me"
I ate the whole sandwhich. It was quiet again.
"What was that yesterday?" I finally asked him.
"I don't know... I just felt so guilty and stupid, I hate myself for hurting you. For causing this to you"
"But you must not"
"You told me that sweetheart. And I understand what you're saying, but I just felt like that"
"I know and I shouldn't have reacted dramatic like that."
He smiled. "It's okay"
I sighed. He came closer to me now and I was happy about that. I just wanted to lay in his arms. He hugged me in a cute way and I laid my head on his shoulder. He kissed my head, just above my ear.
"I love you so much"
I stroked his back.
"I'm so happy you're mine" I whispered in his ear. It was the right time to discuss it now, we were both calm and listening good to each other.
"Zac"
"Yeah"
"What are we gonna do?" I let myself out of his arms and faced him. He laid his hand on my leg.
"What do you want? Have you thought about it?"
"Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot. What about you?"
"Me too"
"What do you want?"
"Uhm" He scretched his head and I just waited.
"I want to hear you first"
I knew he would say that, all because of what I said yesterday. That was just stupid.
"I don't - I'm not sure" I said. I wanted to keep it, I already loved it so much and I loved the man who it came from with all my heart. But Liz & Jen had made a point to me. Zac couldn't be a normal dad. He couldn't always be there to raise a child. He wouldn't see all the first things, first special moments, because of his work... And the kid wouldn't have a normal life, because it will be in all newspapers and every magazine and on the internet. I was just trying to get everything in order in my head.
"Babe, did you mean it what you said yesterday? That you can't have a kid with me? I mean, was that serious?"
"I don't know... It's just, Jenna and Lizzy made me realize things and that makes me doubt so much. I want it, but it's just so complicated"
"Tell me, what did they say?"
"Just, things"
"Like what?"
I started to tell him everything Jenna and Lizzy said and he listened but didn't say anything. I could read on his face that he was mad and disappointed that they said such things.
"But honey, I can be a dad for the baby and I will be, cause I don't want to miss anything and I want to be a family with you."
I put my hand over my mouth. Did he really want to gave up a part of his career for me? To be a family with me?
"Are you sure that's possible? Like, I want to be totally sure. And I don't want you to take the wrong choice, to regret it later."
"Yeah, of course. Else I wouldn't say it, believe me. And I won't, I want this."
"But how?"
"I can just take a break. I can finish the movie we're filming and than just take a break until I can move on again. Only do little things"
"Do you really want to do that? For me? For the baby?"
"Yes! Yes, I want to do that with all my heart. I love you so much, having a kid with you, being a family sounds just so good. I want that"
"So you say we have to keep it?"
"If you're sure that's what you want, than absolutely yes"
"Omg"
He laughed.
"What?"
"I can't believe it" I said with a broken voice and tears of happiness. Woah, I'm gonna have a kid. We're gonna be a family. He smiled and hugged me tight.
"This is gonna be so wonderful"
"Come here" I pressed his cheeks together and kissed his forehead. He kissed my mouth and I kissed him back. I suddenly felt so ready for this, so, so ready.
