You're a Snarky Little Shit (Frerard, Petekey)

Shia LeBeouf It

After a long weekend due to a breakout of head lice in their school district, Mikey and Pete arrived back at school, the shorter one smelling of mint whilst the other one gave off whiffs of coconut.

"Why the fuck do you smell like a tube of toothpaste?"

"My mom has this tea tree oil and mint shampoo that's supposed to ward the lice off. That's literally what she said. But I mean, lice are basically little spawns of Satan, so she has a point. What about you? Smelling like some Hawaiian lotion?"

"My mom read somewhere that lice don't like coconut," Mikey said.

The two walked to their usual table, because everything seems to happen at lunch for some reason. And of course, the small boy with the glasses and fedora sat across from them. He glared across the table, heart racing,

"HEY. EXCUSE ME. I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE SINCE THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, AT THIS TABLE BEFORE YOU TWO MOSEYED ON DOWN HERE AND SAT ACROSS FROM ME. SO IT WOULD HAVE BEEN POLITE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME," Patrick said, not really aware of the words that were coming out of his mouth. Pete shot a glance at Mikey, who was looking at the ground, kicking a lone french fry that was who-knows how old. He began to stutter out an apology, but Pete cut him off.

"What the fuck? Mosey? Is that even a word anymore? Are you from the from the 1700s or something?" Pete asked. Patrick at Mikey, his mouth hanging open a little in shock.

"Who do you think you are?" Patrick stammered out.

"Don't you know who I think I am?" said Pete, getting out of his chair.

"You know, I would, but you haven't bothered to say two words to me before we had this conversation," said Patrick, standing up on his tiptoes, as he was a little smaller than Pete. Mikey caught on, standing up and towering about 6 inches over the other two. 

"Listen, I'm sorry we haven't talked to you. But you didn't really show an interest in talking to us, and you were sitting alone. So I just assumed you just didn't want to talk to us. So pardon my ass if I didn't realize you wanted to talk to us," Mikey said, saying the boldest thing that he's said in a while. Pete looked at Mikey, a look of astonishment on his face.

"See this kid? He used to be like you when it came to conversati-"

"I still am, you doofus, just not around you," Mikey interjected.

"When are you not around me?"

"True...but it's not my fault that you're always trailing behind me like a puppy!"

"First of all, I'm not the adorable puppy here, you are. Second of all, I do NOT."

Mikey and Pete kept up, having the usual playful friend banter. But Patrick was up to his neck with this bullshit. 

"EXCUSE ME! If you haven't noticed, I'm still fucking here. And I'd like to be included. So, I don't care pretend I'm you're fucking drunk Aunt Margaret who you're only talking to because you want her to give you 20 dollars, and you don't want your mom to give you a nosebleed because you didn't socialize." Patrick promptly sat down, and motioned for the other two to follow. 

"You know, you're not so bad...um..."

"Patrick. Patrick Stump."

"I'm Mikey Way, and that's Pete Wentz."

"Hey, Patrick? Can I call you Tree Stump? Pretty please?" Pete asked.

"You know, if I wasn't really happy right now, I'd smack you."

~

"Hey? Is now a good time?" 

"Yeah. When do I ever have anything going on?"

"True. Just give me a minute to close the door and stuff."

Gerard stood up from his bedroom floor and away from his daily Skype call. Closing the door behind him, he turned again to face the girl on his screen, with half of her hair black, the other half bleach-blonde. She moved away last summer to New York, but they still call each other every night.

"Anyway, I've got a problem."

"Aw, Gerard, did you use the wrong ointment again?" Melanie said, trying to stay serious. He gave her a glance, but continued.

"Ok, there's this guy, and he-" 

But Gerard was cut off by a highly confusing sound, mostly just high-pitched screaming. Very loud high-pitched screaming. So loud, in fact, that Mikey came running into the room, in his Star Wars boxers, since it was 11 at night. Gerard turned in horror at to look at Mikey; he still didn't know he kept in touch with Melanie. 

"Wh-what was that?" Mikey asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"I...um...your imagination! Go back to sleep now," he said, shoving his younger brother out of his room.

"Wait-Mikey? Is that you?" said Melanie, looking confused about this whole ordeal. Gerard shushed her, and slammed the door shut, turning the lock.

"Sorry about that. So, to continue...there's this really cute guy in my grade, and I don't know him really well. Hell, I've only spoken to him about two times. So, like, you know how to talk to guys, right? How do I approach him?"

"Well, honestly, just do it. Just, pull a Shia LaBeouf, and jUST DO IT. Anyway, I should go, my parents are getting suspicious on why I'm up talking every night. Bye!" she said, and left the call. Gerard closed Skype. He decided that he should go to bed. But by "go to bed", he really means "scroll through Tumblr and hope to get three hours of sleep." He heard a rattling somewhere in his room, but shrugged and logged on to Tumblr.

~

Mikey crawled deep under the covers. Blinking furiously, he tried to hold back his tears.

They had both made a pact when they were little, a pact that said that they would never, ever, lock the door on each other, in case one of them had an emergency and didn't want to talk to their parents. The only exception to this rule was if you had a really big emergency that you didn't want to talk to anyone about. Mikey didn't think talking to a friend classified as an emergency.

He reached his arm out of his blanket cocoon, and decided to text Pete about this.

Hey pals yes yes an update

Sorry I had a weird break in the updates I just had writer's block whoops. But yeah as you can tell I'm Melanie Martinez tRaSh

Also I'm actually a meme so

Votes and comments are nice if you want

Also you should watch Evan Edinger on YouTube 

Not for any specific reason

He's just my son

Ok bye

~tato