It Wasn't Supposed To End This Way (A Starkid Fan Fiction)

Chapter 6-Guilt Does More Than Meets The Eye

Chapter 6

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Why are you sorry?" Jeff says back to me as he gets his make-up ready. This is the last night before everyone goes on for the shows and I've been released from the hospital. I'm told to lie low and to not over exert myself. But how can I do that when all I'm worried about is Dylan? And Jeff? And Joey? Jeff knows what happened. I haven't spoken a word to Dylan and Nicki is still clueless, being a blonde and all. I'm kidding, but she really doesn't know what happened with us. The last two days I was in the hospital, I just stared at the ceiling and thought. I barely slept because all I could do was think about Dylan. His lips were soft and sweet. Every time he came near me, I ran away, hoping he wouldn't see me. Even if he wasn't going to me, I was always playing safe. Even though he had been drunk, his lips were still kind. I don't know what I would do if Dylan told me it was all an accident. I might actually die inside. But I do know that I can't talk to him about it. Dylan has to come to me about it. At this point, I don't know if Dylan even remembers that night. Joey doesn't really remember what happened. He just keeps making faces, trying to remember everything that happened. Thankfully he hasn't put the pieces of the puzzle together. Jeff though, remembers everything since he hadn't had a drink. He has kept his promise and hasn't said anything to anyone about what he saw. I am grateful for that but I don't know how much longer Jeff will do this. He's still angry. And I don't want to be on that end of the whipping post.

"You have every reason to be angry with me, Jeff. But you should still forgive me after I did you," I tell him, a little taken aback at how evil that sounds. I shouldn't be insulting Jeff, he knows my secret.

"You have no right to bring up my past, Alex Rose. You know that's no longer my life. You're on the path to self-destruction once again. Why protect Dylan, Alex? Because you like him? It's just like me. You're repeating history. You didn't give up on us for the entire time I was screwing up my life. Not until my big mistake. I don't think you should continue to lie. You're going to end up hurting yourself just like with you and me because you don't deserve him. It's just like what happened with us. And our history? It wasn't supposed to end this way, Alex."

Jeff leaves me with that, letting me contemplate his words.

That isn't fair! I think to myself. Who did Jeff have a right saying that to? I don't want this to get worse between us, because he knows my secret with Dylan. But I'm protecting Dylan now. Jeff didn't and still doesn't need protecting. I have to sit back and pretend I don't know what is happening.

But I know deep down that he's absoultely right. I'm repeating history. I'm allowing a boy to take control of what I say. I'm protecting Dylan.

"Alex, are you alright?" Nicki says from behind me. I turn around and there stands Nicki with Dylan. I take a step back. Shit.

Dylan speaks this time. "Alex, are you okay? You've kind of been ignoring me lately, and I just was wondering...why?" It's true, I have been ignoring him. But he's thinking about it all wrong. I'm only doing so so I can concentrate on what is going on around me. Holy Musical B@man starts tomorrow and I'm helping everyone get ready. Plus, I'm hoping that if I don't talk to Dylan, I can create an explanation for what happened.

"Do you remember what happened the night you guys came and sang me my song?" I ask him, hesitating. I'm sorta scared to see if he remembers our kiss. I lean back on my black boot heels, hoping I don't scream "Guilty!".

"I remember singing, yes. Then I drank some beers and I asked you if you were okay and then," Oh shit. He remembers everything leading up to the kiss! He'll surely remember it! "then everything else is blank. And that's really weird. I don't usually have black out moments when I drink two or three beers. The next thing I knew I was home with Joey and Jeff, talking about you," Dylan finishes.