My Dirty Little Secret

It Hurts

     I don't go home Friday night. I'm still too heated and torn up over Jamie. I call Martha and stay with her. She knows something is wrong but I can't tell her so I just say I'm tired of Tisha and on my period. She leaves me alone on the couch and I sleep, as long as possible. Only waking once to an awful nightmare of Tisha finding Jamie and I fucking on top of the dryer. I know I have to tell her. I need to discuss it with Jamie. I try to sleep some more but it's useless. I turn the TV on, focusing on some simple cartoon. Distracting myself from my life. 

     I only wake the next morning because my phone is buzzing loudly against the top of my head. I groggily answer it, not looking to see who it is. "Where the fuck are you?" it's Jamie. I sigh, rubbing my eyes. "Jessica, I was really worried. I tried to text you all night." the concern in his voice softens me. I sit up. "Jess. I'm sorry, about yesterday. Please, meet me at my house right now?" he breaths, waiting for my response. Fuck. "Okay." I say softly. "Okay, good. I'll have Riley come get you. Where are you?" he asks, still worry in his voice. "No, I'll drive. I'll be over soon." I say and hang up before he can say anything else. I stretch out, taking a deep breath and gathering my things. I'll just wear this old t-shirt Martha gave me and my dress pants. I quickly make my way out the door and head out to my car. I'm still bogged down with feelings, but I'm happy he called. I still love him. And he's seen that he's done wrong, that's good. I ride that feeling as I head to his part of town, feeling just a little bit better. Maybe we can even talk about how to tell Tisha.

     When I get to his house he isn't there. Riley let's me in, leading me into the kitchen. Joan smiles brightly at me, saying a quick hello before disappearing. She's busy with laundry this morning. I try to keep myself busy but I'm antsy. Why would he invite me over if he isn't even here? I turn in my stool, watching the door, waiting. And then I hear the front door. I sigh in relief. "Finally!" I call, that spark I feel for him igniting inside of me. I quickly leave the kitchen and meet him in the living room. Only he isn't alone. "Jessica, what...what are you doing here? What's going on?" Tisha looks at me, confused. Then looks at Jamie. He looks tired, like he hasn't slept. Good, I slept like shit. The blood drains from my face. "You knew about this place?" Tisha directs her words at me. I'm speechless. "Okay, will someone please tell me what's going on?" she crosses her arms, there is hurt in her eyes. Deep down she knows. I can feel tears, they're coming. And I can't stop them. "Jessica. Why are you crying? Why is she crying?" Tisha is growing louder, she looks at me and then to Jamie. Oh god. "I don't love you. I love Jessica." Jamie says suddenly and I am horrified. Everything slows and then speeds up. What the fuck did he just do? 

     Tisha looks at him, confused. "What are you talking about?" she stands, stalk still, only turning her head between the two of us. She looks so lovely in a dark grey sweater dress and tall grey boots. She thought they were going somewhere special, or at least nice. Oh god. I'm crying harder. "Oh my god. What the fuck? Jessica? Jessica!" Tisha is in front of me now. Jamie slowly approaches her, his face is hard but his eyes are pained. "Don't touch me! I want to talk to my sister!" she pulls away from him and he takes a step back. "Tisha I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." Jamie says softly. "Stop." Tisha closes her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek. "I shouldn't have asked you to marry me, I took advantage of you and myself. I was sad, I thought I needed something more...turns out I did. But it wasn't...it wasn't fair to you. I lover her Tisha, I'm sorry." he talks slow, calm. "Shut up!" Tisha yells and we both flinch. He stops talking now. "Jessica, what the fuck is going on? Tell me this isn't true. Did you...did you fuck him?" she looks so hurt. She is crumbling in front of me and I did this. "Jessica!" she screams. "Oh Tisha...yes. I...I'm sorry." I sob and she slaps me, across the face. I gasp, holding my cheek. Jamie steps towards her, scowling but I eye him, telling him not to. He catches on, breathing heavy he steps back. "You fucking whore! How dare you! How fucking dare you!" she winds up to hit me again but Jamie grabs her. I can't stop it.