Pretty Prince ⇝ Lashton [2] ✓

chapter thirty

Hmmmmm Luke

-

Ashton's face appeared on my laptop screen and my face lit up in a grin. "Hi." I greeted and Ashton smiled.

"How are you doing princess?" Ashton questioned and I tried to push away why I was skyping him on a Monday night when he was usually busy, he'd cancelled his plans for me. He was going to go bowling with Niall, Jack and some friends.

"I'm okay." I assured him. It'd been two weeks since the incident with Louis and Zayn and nine days since my therapy session. I went yesterday as well, and we talked about my self harm, and other things I could do instead.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I rested my chin on my hand and Ashton smiled at me through the screen. He was all heart eyes and smiles and blushing cheeks. How could I dump him?

"How's therapy?" He asked and my heart dropped. It was too soon. We'd just started talking, I can't. Not yet.

"It's good." I shrugged. "Well it's therapy, nothing great about it."

"What did you talk about?" He questions and I made a thinking face.

"Yesterday we were talking about my self harm and stuff and the fact I wanted to die and had tried to kill myself. She was giving me alternatives of what I could do instead." I explained and Ashton hummed.

"What are the alternatives?" Ashton asked, looking interested.

"Well I could like throw stuff like plates like in that episode of Pretty Little Liars." Ashton nodded, he remembered the episode. "I could draw on the area I want to harm. So I'd have weird doodles on my legs of something. She also said to like go outside and relax or take a bath and relax or blast my music. Simple things really."

"I'll keep them in mind." Ashton grinned, "What did you do in your first session last week?" He questioned and I huffed.

"I just talked about everything. The baby, you, Mali, everyone." I shrugged.

"What did you say about me?" He asked next and I closed my eyes, turning away to my phone that lit up with a Twitter notification. "Luke?"

I turned back to him, "I told her I loved you." I said quietly. "That was all."

Ashton's brows furrowed, "There's more isn't there? What happened? What did she say?"

I sighed and Ashton only asked for me to take my time. He was so sweet, this was terrible. I couldn't do it. I can't break his heart. My chest began to hurt as my eyes filled with tears. "Hey, don't cry. Just tell me okay? It can't be that bad, right?"

I looked up at the screen and he had an idea of what it was.

"She told me to not have you in my life for a while." I said quietly. I opened my mouth to talk again but Ashton told me to shush for a moment. He stood up from the laptop, out of shot. I heard him shut the bedroom door before a small sniffle and he came back to the camera, wiping his right eye. "Please don't cry." I said softly, my throat closing up from my tears.

"Are you going to do it?" He asked and I nodded.

"I need to be okay. I don't want to be relapsing any time soon. I can't put anyone through the pain if I die. I'm um, I'm going to move out and go back home and I-I think its best if I just have no triggers and go home and I'm sorry that I'm fucking weak and stupid for actually thinking that I'd actually be okay again." I cried, wiping my eyes.

I sobbed a little before Ashton told me to not cry, that I was too beautiful to cry. Even after I'd just dumped him over Skype. My chest ached and I took in deep breaths to try and control my heart rate that was out of control.