Revulsion [zm au]

Forty Two

Zayn sat in his large office, feet settled on his desk, arms  hanging from the arm rests. He was lost in thought, well actually, he was just tired and simply resting his eyes. He had been working non stop on his type writer the last few days and felt as though he had fried his brain.

He slowly brought the cigarette hanging from his fingertips up to his mouth. He had picked up smoking a few months back, mainly because it helped calm him when he was stressed or overwhelmed.

He eyes slowly shifted down to his lap where a book sat. It was of average size, a good length for any type of reader. The cover had a simple image on it, a simple image with great meaning to Zayn; a Gardenia .

He gripped the book in his free hand and looked at it carefully, flipping it over a couple times to observe every part of it.

He still couldn't believe that this book, this novel, this story, had been published. He couldn't believe it because he had written it.

It was popular, mainly with the female population. They seemed to have loved the tale told inside the paperback. With their love came a lot of sales and before Zayn knew it, he had more money than he thought he would ever have in his lifetime. He wasn't extremely rich, but he was well off.  

The success of the book was still shocking to Zayn. His reserved and quiet attitude made it weird to get used to. He never asked to become a published author, nor did he ask to get paid all this money for doing so. He was just confused as to why he suddenly grew so lucky. Why was his life changing now? Why was he given such success? He was confused as to how he, a modest and shy man, had somehow collected all this fortune for simply telling a tale he remembers all too well.

He brought the cigarette back up to his mouth and inhaled.

As he stroked the spine of the book, he exhaled. 

The image on the cover always seemed to haunt him. He remembers the day this simple flower had made a deep impression on him. He remembers it like it was yesterday.

"Do these have a meaning?" she questioned softly, remembering how he knew Asters were a sign of love and patience.

He came closer.

"It's a symbol of secret love...like Romeo and Juliet." he answered, voice gentle as always.

Zayn closed his eyes and craned his neck to the side as if he were about to crack it. He hated when his mind would wander back to those times, and the fact that this book in his hands was basically all of 'those times' did not help at all. It was a constant reminder.

He remembers the moment he had started writing the story. He was alone, in his room, eyes red and hands shaking. The bottle of alcohol next to him had done nothing but heighten his emotions and the only thing he could think of doing was write down some words to make himself feel better. With a small pencil and wrinkled piece of paper, he wrote.

It had simply started out as a journal, where Zayn had written down everything. But then after awhile he realized with just a couple name changes and maybe a bit more drama here and there, he would be able to create a story. So he did.

He was proud of this book and it's success, but the one thing he hated was the fact that once every person finished reading, they would either be emotional and cry about it or they would be dissatisfied and simple get angry. It was understandable seeing as the two main characters, did not end up together.

Zayn sighed and threw the book onto his desk while swinging his legs off the desk so he could stand.

He had things to do, like grab lunch with a couple of his friends.

It was shocking how many people flocked to him the moment he had made a name for himself. He never had so many people act so friendly towards him. He knew a lot of them were not genuine, but he was perfectly fine with that. 

He crushed the cigarette into the ash tray and began walking out of his office.

~~~

Zayn was never loud, which was why he was the only one at the table who sat back quietly and listened. All the other men were rather rambunctious and didn't mind disturbing the other people in the restaurant.

They were all currently discussing the baseball game coming up this weekend. The New York Yankees were coming to play here in Boston against the Red Sox. It was big because everyone knew they were rivals. 

Of course Zayn was going. Did he care for baseball? No, but he didn't have much else to do except try and continue the new novel he had been working on. He had no clue what to do with it so he knew going out this weekend would be better than sitting at his desk smoking all his cigarettes and groaning in frustration every few minutes.

Zayn leaned farther back into his seat and glanced around the restaurant. It was quite nice and fancy. He had been a wealthy man for a little over a year now and he was still trying to get used to fancy meals and good quality clothes. He finally understood what it felt like to be like her and her social circle.

Thinking about her still brought an uncomfortable sensation into his chest. The moment they had separated permanently had been a moment of emotional pain that Zayn never wanted to relive. The first few days he didn't feel much. He was indifferent. But then suddenly, like an erupting volcano, all of these feelings and emotions spewed out of him. He was depressed and angry, two emotions that did not go well together. 

The first few weeks were rough because rather than speak to anyone, like his family, he simply through himself into work at a new job at a factory where they worked him like a horse. He didn't mind it though. It kept his mind off of her and off of his pathetic life. He worked until his back ached, fingers bleed, and feet blistered. He was nothing but a machine for awhile. But after a few months he realized that there was no point continuing on the way he was, so he slowed himself down a bit.

Zayn's eyes traveled to his hands. It was amazing really, how just over a year ago his hands were calloused and abused and now they were smooth and clean.  He was no longer that hard working laborer who worked in the blistering sun for hours anymore, he was now a wealthy man who could easily hire someone like her father had done.

A/N: Yo, so if you don't remember in chapter 8 you see Elizabeth and Zayn at a flower shop and that's where she tells him that her favorite flower is a gardenia.  I changed that flashback part just a bit so that it was in third person for this chap. Anyways, what do you guys think!?