Guided {Dean Winchester 4}

Chapter 1

I couldn't breathe.

The pain was unbearable. My body ached. My heart ached. My lungs felt like they were filled with water, slowly drowning me from the inside out. I stood by the willow tree in my backyard, staring down at the grave where Sam and I had buried Dean. 

I dropped to my knees, a sob tearing from my throat. 

"We can bring him back." Sorceress whispered, hand still on my shoulder. "I cannot lie to you. You know that. You read about it. I can help you. Just...please, let me in."

"What...What does it take?" I asked, looking over at her purplish/black eyes. "What do I do?"

"Just let me in. Then we march into hell and kill everything that touched him." She placed a hand on my cheek. "It could take time. But you have others on your side to help you. Castiel is doing his best."

"Castiel?" I asked.

"Yes." 

"How do I...accept you or whatever?" I asked. 

She took my hand, placing her palm against mine and intertwining our fingers. "Do as I do, then speak my name." She shut her eyes. I did the same. I felt her hand tighten on mine, so I gripped hers back. "It's alright. Breathe."

I inhaled, exhaled. "Sorceress." 

Then my body felt like it was burning, as if I had been thrown into fire. I screamed but no sound came out. I tried to pull my hand back but I couldn't. 

"Shh, it will end soon." Sorceress whispered. 

And like she said, everything stopped. I felt nothing. Nothing at all. 

Except something in my chest, a pull. As if a string had been pulled taut. 

"We are one now." Sorceress whispered. "Let me tell you a story."

"Wha--what?" I asked. 

She sat in front of me. "Long ago, I was the only thing besides God that roamed here. I was darkness, some say chaos, neither good nor bad. Both, on occasion. I was forgotten mostly when you all were created. But some still knew of me. Where do you think the Greek got Nyx from? Though they never liked me much. I was feared. You and I, Saige, we can play a big part of the apocalypse." 

"Apocalypse?" I asked.

"Yes. Just know that I have a past with Lucifer and the angels." She continued. "They both want me--us. It's up to you. But that's not important now. What's important is that we get you back on your feet. We can slaughter every demon that ever hurt him. We will."

"How?"

"We will."

___

I pulled the folded paper from the coat of Dean's jacket. My name was scrawled across it. I unfolded it.

Dear Saige,

There are so many things I wish I could say. So many things I don't know how to say. I'm so sorry. This is my fault you're going through this. But you alive was all that mattered to me. I love you more than anything.

I want you to be happy. I want you to raise Evie and be the wonderful mother I know you are. Tell Eve I love her. Don't let her forget me. Don't forget me, Si. Don't forget how much I love you. I don't know if this will ever be enough but this is all I can give you. So I'm sorry.

Yours,
Dean

____

I sat in a rocking chair on Bobby's porch with Evie in my arms as I stared out at nothing. Somehow it was as if I felt everything and nothing all at once. I wasn't sure how or what to think of it, but it was like everything hurt yet nothing at all affected me anymore. 

Evie whimpered as she rested her head against my shoulder. She couldn't sleep. 

Neither could I.

Lady was curled up at my feet, her head resting on my shoe.

I let my eyes flutter shut.

"Saige." Castiel's voice boomed through my head. "I don't have much time, but I am here to help you."

I felt something warm press against my stomach. 

I opened my eyes, but there was nothing in front of me.

"Castiel?" I asked.

"I will save Dean Winchester." He promised me. "I have failed you before, but I will not fail you again. Not in any way." The warmth returned to my stomach. 

___

"I thought you said it would work!" I exclaimed. 

"I am having trouble getting there. Hell is...difficult." Sorceress said. "I'm trying."

"Well, we need to try harder." I cried. "I need him back. Please."

"I cannot do anything else." Sorceress stated. "I'm working on it the best I can. Castiel is working on it."

"I just can't take this anymore." I whispered, sitting down on the bed. 

"I know."

___

I sat in the car, staring out as the rain hit the windshield. Evie slept better if we were in the car. She'd finally fallen asleep, so I pulled over. Lady curled up in my lap, whining. 

"I know." I whispered, pulling Dean's flannel I wore tighter around myself. It didn't smell like him anymore. The thought made tears sting my eyes. I leaned back in the seat, turning on the radio, and shutting my eyes. 

Like usual, the moment I fell asleep I was being pulled into another attempt at freeing Dean. 

As if in a trance, I walked through an indescribably place where the sounds of screaming and the sizzle of flesh were all that was heard. As I moved, a trail of shadow floated around me. No one--nothing--moved to touch me or harm me. 

As usual, after a while, I began to feel a slight burn beneath my skin. I pushed through, walking and walking until the burn became unbearable. 

Then I woke up.

And I still couldn't find Dean. 

"I'm sorry." Sorceress says in my mind. "I wish I could do more."

I sighed. "We'll try again."