On the Rocks

XVII (HAZEL/THEO)

Tears form in my eyes as I look down at my phone.

Beloved café book store burnt to the ground.

My eyes blur as I scroll to a picture of the café, which is now in ruins. My café.

Why would anyone do such a thing?

I let the tears fall as my heart hurts for the one place I finally found for myself. It's the one place that I have allowed myself to go to for pleasure, not necessity. The first time I ever felt safe and relaxed was sitting in there with a coffee and book in my hand. 

Tears stain my cheeks as they fall harder and harder. I sob at the loss. I feel like a grieving widow for the love of their life, but in a sense the café was my love. And now it's gone. Burnt down as if it meant nothing. Like it never existed. It feels like a personal attack.

After what feels like hours of crying, I manage to scrape myself out of bed and throw on my basic work uniform, the one that I was given when I started the job. I have no energy to try make it cute and I just toss my hair up in a messy ponytail.

I don't know why I have taken this so hard but as I look in the bathroom mirror, I realise how devastated I look. My eyes are red and puffy, my cheeks blushed and the life in my eyes is drained. 

This is what I get for trying to have something nice, father would tell me. Maybe he is right. 

My hands gloss over the scars on my back and I wince at the mental image fighting its way into my mind. I take it as a reminder to only do what I need to do. I don't get to enjoy life. Father taught me that and I should listen to him. 

I walk to work in silence, not letting the rain stop me from walking without a coat. The sky is a murky grey and reflects the emptiness I feel in my mind. My throat feels closed up and I try not to let tears start again.

I slip in through the back door of Haven and put my stuff away unnoticed. Having found a hideaway spot if everything became too much a few weeks ago, I grab some fruit and a chopping board from the bar and take it to the room. 

It's a small, almost cupboard-sized room with a small light in the centre. It's only big enough for one person but I can sit crossed legged comfortably. 

I place the fruit on the board in front of me and begin chopping as my mind goes numb. I don't think about anything, just letting the silence wash over me. The even sounds of the knife slicing through the lemons punctuates the silence and reminds me to breathe, as if it's not a natural function. 

By the time the fruit is chopped, I look at my watch and see I have been here for 45 minutes. I mean, to be fair, we do get through a lot of fruit in a night so it's not uncommon for it to take this long. I force myself to leave the room and go to put the fruit away in the bar. 

As I pour it into the respective boxes, I feel someone looking at me so I peer over my shoulder. I see Theo standing on the balcony with sympathy and concern in his eyes. He looks to make a move to me but I shake my head before looking back at the job I'm doing. 

I just want to be alone. I deserve to be alone. 

I feel a mix of relief and sadness when I realise he listened to me and is staying away. Did I want his comfort? This is a weird feeling.

I shake the thoughts out of my head and continue working whilst keeping to myself. 

This is going to be a long night. 

"Bro, she looks heartbroken," I sigh, letting them see the pain in my eyes. 

A part of me broke for her when I watched her from the balcony. She looked broken and that broke me. She usually takes great pride in her appearance, but today she looks like she couldn't care less what she looked like. Her eyes were swollen so I knew she had been crying. her long, beautiful hair was tied up in a messy ponytail as if it was the only thing she had the energy to do with it. 

I wanted to pull her into my chest. I wanted to play with her hair with my fingers and tell her everything will be okay. But she wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let me near her and I listened. 

Why did I listen?

"Fuck," Atlas mutters from his desk. I glare at him. We shouldn't have pushed her away. This wouldn't have happened if we had just protected her from the beginning. 

"She loved that place and we watched by as the Russians burnt it down. They must be watching her," Dawson says from next to me. I lean against the wall with my gaze burning into Atlas as I cross my arms. 

"Alright, Theo," Atlas puts his hands up, "I know what you want me to do."

"Just say the word. Give me the permission," I deadpan. I've been waiting for days for him to let me go get her. Since she left our house, it felt empty without her. I need her back there. We all do. 

"Fine, but she won't like it," Atlas glares at me. I smirk.

"When does Spitfire ever like anything we do?" Dawson laughs as we both walk out the door. I give him a look and, without talking, we form our plan. 

We're coming to get you, little darling. Even if we have to drag you kicking and screaming. 

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Sorry I know it's short but it felt like a good place to end the chapter.

Peace and love to you all <3