Tied to a Castillo I 18+

thirty four

there's a family in here name the Ragusa's, and because I only plan on showing them in this chapter, I didn't give them names. 

What's Next for the Trattman's...

...another journal prompt. I hated these in the beginning, but now I see that they aren't so bad.

Talking about Giuseppe was scary in the beginning, but the more my boyfriend tries to heal from losing his brother, it's forced me to face what I've been neglecting.

The first thing I noticed about this is that grief changes you. It dims the hell out of your world, and it's not easy to survive it. At one point, I couldn't feel joy anymore because grief stole that from me; it made me lose my mind, and I faked some happiness so those who care about me wouldn't discover my depression.

Grief messed with the way I perceived things, my thoughts, and my life, and the second I swore I was getting better, grief showed up to remind me that I wasn't. I'm not over this tragedy. I'm not over losing a friend. I'm not over watching the life leave your eyes, and I'll never be.

So many days, I don't see myself healing and fixing the damage, and then there are days where I can smile on my own.

The days grew colder and more painful to know there was no way you could walk through that door again.

Every day, I always wish that our last moment together was different.

I wish I had more time with you.

I wish I could hug you one more time.

Ask you about your day.

Listen to you tell me about how much-

"You doin' a podcast?" Mattia asked as he stepped into Natalie's room with Luca in his arms. He didn't hear much of what she said because of his loud chewing, but he saw that she had her phone to her face with the voice memo app open.

"Fuck you, Mattia," she said, tapping the red circle on her phone, "I was journaling my feelings," she mumbled, watching him walk further inside.

He covered his mouth and gasped, "I'm so sorry. I ain't know. Want me to step out?"

"The moment's over, so stay," she sighed, exiting the app in hopes she would be in the mood to return since it felt good this time. She sets her phone down on the bed and asks, "how was he?"

Mattia wanted to have an Uncle/Nephew day, but because Luca's parents were unsure if Mattia could take care of a baby for twenty-four hours, they let him get him for the morning. There wasn't much a six-month-old could have fun with, so Mattia took him out while he ran some errands.

And these errands had nothing to do with work; Mattia filling up a shopping cart with groceries. He got a few pieces for his new apartment and picked up some dry cleaning. He took a stop to get something to eat, checking out a food place nearby before heading back to Natalie's.

"He was great. He's the perfect wingman," Mattia said with a grin, taking a seat on Natalie's chair, "everyone loves a dad with a kid, but they love an uncle who cherishes their nephew," he said, kissing Luca's cheek.

"So, is this gonna be a thing now? Using my kid to get the ladies?" she asked with a smirk.

"I could, but Uncle Mattia got game, so I think I could handle my own," he answered, scooping food onto the fork to eat, "where's Sam?"

"He went out to get me something," she told him, "did you see the message from ya mom sent about the Christmas photoshoot?"

Christmas was in three weeks. Giulia had given her kids more than enough time to prepare and get the right colors to match.