He Walks Alone in the Moonlight

I WALK IN YOUR SHADOW PART I

Aggressive whispering pricked at Jihyun's ears as he stirred awake. He couldn't focus on the words, his mind too foggy from his deep rest. He flexed his fingers, feeling the silk of his sheets covering his hands. Somehow he had ended up in his bed. Jihyun peeled his eyes open, his lids unbelievably heavy. The warm glow of candlelight illuminated the ceiling above him, the shadows of two forms flickering against the wood.

"I can't believe you actually hit him!"

"I didn't hit him, I knocked him out."

"How is that any different?"

"He's awake."

"He's wh- Jihyun! You're finally awake, how are you feeling?" Minjoo's face came into view above him, the tailor's thin eyebrows scrunched with worry. Minjoo's cool hands brushed along Jihyun's face anxiously.

"I-" Jihyun's voice caught and he coughed lightly, clearing his throat. "I'm fine." He managed to get the sentence out as he pushed himself up to a sitting position. Minjoo nodded, moving away in a swirl of gauzy fabric to pour Jihyun a cup of water. Without Minjoo blocking his view, Jihyun saw Jaeon, standing stoicly in the corner, his arms crossed. The guard's eyes tracked Minjoo's movements as he fluttered about, handing Jihyun the cup and propping pillows up to support him.

"You are coddling him," Jaeon grunted, a tinge of jealously lacing his voice. Minjoo sighed, rolling his eyes as he sat down next to Jihyun.

"I wouldn't have to look after him all the time if you all stopped messing with him. I mean seriously? I already can't believe the prince let you do that, but for you to see nothing wrong with it?" Jaeon averted his gaze, staring at a wall to avoid Minjoo's glare.

"What... what exactly happened? One moment I was with the Crown Prince and the next.." Jihyun trailed off, staring at his reflection in the cup.

"Apparently Jaeon didn't appreciate you giving the prince a much needed lecture, so he decided to knock you out and bring you back here." Jihyun's conversation with the crown prince flooded his psyche, his mouth going dry as he thought about all the things he had said. And all the things the prince had said. Jihyun made many bold claims about love, but they were founded in nothing. He had acted like he knew what love was, but he'd never felt romantic love before, not really.

"Minjoo?" Jihyun said softly, lowering his cup to rest in his lap. Minjoo shifted on the bed, turning away from Jaeon.

"Yes, what is it?" Jihyun hesitated, scratching at the cup with his index finger. There were many things he didn't know, and not just academically. Jihyun was realizing that he also lacked an understanding of the outside world. Even more so than literature, he needed to learn about life outside of the training camp. Squaring his shoulders, Jihyun worked up the courage to ask his question.

"Have you ever been in love before?" Minjoo's mouth opened slightly in shock, his eyes darting to Jaeon, then back to Jihyun.

"Why- why are you asking? Do you... Is there someone that you love?"

"I don't think so. But someone said they loved me, and I told them they didn't."

"How would you know if they loved you or not? That's not really something you can decide for someone."

"I know, but I just don't think that person loves me. If they do, shouldn't I feel loved? So I said all those things about how they don't really love me, but then I realized that I don't really know what love is."

"Well, it's not really something I can explain to you. I think love is different for everyone."

"But it should feel good, shouldn't it?" Minjoo pondered the question, his face gaining a far off look. Over his shoulder, Jihyun could see Jaeon stand a little taller, as if self conscious.

"I don't think love will feel good all the time, I don't think that is possible. I don't even know if love should be anything specific at all."

"Well what is it to you?" Jihyun asked, swinging his legs behind him and scooching closer to Minjoo.

"Love?" Minjoo's voice rose at the end of the word. Jihyun nodded, wincing slightly as the movement strained his sore neck. Minjoo sighed, staring into his lap. Many minutes ticked by where Minjoo did not answer. Jihyun again looked to Jaeon. What was it that Chang had said? 'Ever since I met them, Jaeon's always been protective of Minjoo.' And after hearing Minjoo's story that night at the inn, Jihyun knew why. But the nature of Jaeon and Minjoo's relationship seemed very different than the one between Minjoo and the prince.

"Sir Jaeon, what about you?" Jihyun changed his target. He was sure they didn't know it, but that night, after Minjoo's story, Jihyun had went after the tailor to apologize, but he'd stopped when he heard the pair out in the hallway.

"Me?" The guard masked his surprise well. Jihyun felt a little nervous talking to Jaeon. He was very imposing, and the person Jihyun had spoken to the least. Not to mention, as the oldest member of the prince's party, Jihyun felt he couldn't drop formality with him. But there was something calming about his energy when he was around Minjoo, like an ever present shadow had been lifted.

"What is love to you, Sir Jaeon?" Jihyun asked, aware of how Minjoo held his breath at the question. The guard uncrossed his arms, then took a few steps toward the door. With his back facing Minjoo and Jihyun, the guard responded.

"I do not think my answer would help you."

"I would still like to hear it." Jaeon's shoulders tensed, then relaxed as he grabbed the hilt of his sword.

"Oh Minjoo."

"What?" Jihyun frowned in confusion.

"You asked what love is to me. I answered your question. Now then, if you'll excuse me." With that the guard left, closing the door firmly behind him.

"Minjoo?" Jihyun took one of the tailor's shaking hands in his own. Minjoo's face had gone white except for his cheeks, which were bright red.

"He's never said it before," Minjoo's voice was wobbly, his lips quivering as tears lined his lashes. "Eleven years, and he's never said it before."

"Minjoo.. you know how you told me it was the prince who saved you from those women? That night, in the hallway, I heard you talking to Sir Jaeon." Minjoo's grip on his hand tightened painfully. "You said he saved you too. Can you... I just want to hear about it, if you'll tell me. I've been really confused lately and it is clear that you and Sir Jaeon care for each other. I just want to know how it happened, how you came to feel that way. How did you know he was the person you love?"

"It took awhile for me to realize. I confused it with many other emotions at first. Respect. Admiration. Gratefulness. And when I finally landed on love, I knew deep down that that was what I felt. But I was told the same thing you said to the Crown Prince. I was told that what I was feeling couldn't possibly be love."

"I didn't say who it was. How did you know it was the Crown Prince?" Minjoo just gave Jihyun a long look, as if to say who else could it be?

"Then can you explain it to me? If I was wrong, I'm willing to apologize to him." Even though the thought put a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I do not think he would want you to apologize. He appreciates any words you throw his way. I can tell you my story, but I truly do not know if it will be of any help to you."

"Why not?"

"Because Jaeon and I have not even figured it out ourselves. It seems in poor taste to explain something you do not understand yourself."

"Can you try?"