He Walks Alone in the Moonlight

IT IS ME BECAUSE OF YOU

The party arrived at the inn outside of the capital just before nightfall. Jaeon quickly departed after searching the rooms, going to get the supplies Minjoo requested for Jihyun. Minjoo had suggested that Jihyun take a bath first, and sent the servant away with a change of clothes. Desperate for even a moment to himself, Jihyun accepted, although it seemed strange that he would get the privilege to bathe before the prince.

     The steam of the bathhouse filled Jihyun's lungs as soon as he opened the door, the mist making his clothes cling to his body as he peeled them off. Wincing, he unwrapped his bandages, discarding them in the corner. They came away clean, with only a slight sheen from the salve Minjoo had been helping apply to his back. Jihyun could feel his body heat from the inside out before he even stepped in the water, a red flush blooming on his cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a hot bath if he'd ever had a hot bath. As expected, the luxuries of the crown prince, even when traveling, far exceeded his own. Jihyun gripped the edge of the large tub, dipping his fingertips into the water, testing the temperature. Smiling gently, he leaned forward, submerging his arms and hovering his chin just above the water. Humming in content, he straightened, flinging water from his hands before stepping carefully into the bath. Hesitant to sit down and expose his back to the water, Jihyun shifted nervously, causing the water to rock back and forth, lapping against his exposed behind. He shouldn't waste time, the rest of the party had yet to bathe, and even though Minjoo assured him he could take his time, Jihyun felt guilty  to be using the bath first. Gritting his teeth, Jihyun sat down, sliding up to his shoulders into the bath. His hair only barely touched the water, getting wet at the ends, but Jihyun could almost picture how his ebony strands would have fanned out floated in the water like silken snakes. It was that thought that brought tears to his eyes, which rolled in slow and glimmering lines down his face. The tears gathered at his chin, dripping into the bath and sending tiny ripples into the otherwise still water. Only now, finally alone, could Jihyun feel that he was not himself. He didn't feel like himself, at least. His body ached in places it never had before, and he felt too light, still not adjusted to the absence of his hair that used to cover him like a second skin. Not to mention that at night, he was plagued by constant nightmares and strange dreams.

Jihyun never used to dream before, but ever since meeting the crown prince, he had not known one peaceful night. Whether asleep or awake, Jihyun had not felt a moment of rest, of ease. With shaky hands and a deep, unsteady breath, Jihyun slicked his hair back, letting his head follow until his ears were under the water and the outside world became muffled. The tears shifted to trickle down his temples, and Jihyun let them fall until his eyes dried up, reaching the end of what had felt like a bottomless well within him. His earlier worry of time forgotten, Jihyun wallowed in the water, working the bar of soap Minjoo had given him into a lather in his hands, then scrubbing at his scalp, crying again when he saw the short, stray pieces of hair that came off on his hands. The sight reignited his anger, and Jihyun scrubbed furiously at his scalp, at his body until the skin redded and began to bleed in places, staining the soapy water on his hands pink. Grit and blood and skin mixed under his fingernails, and Jihyun began to wheeze as the stinging pain of dozens of scrapes flared across his body.

"Jihyun? Jihyun, what's going on? Answer me!" a dark and booming voice infiltrated Jihyun's muffled mind, and fear grew within him when he recognized it. The wooden door of the bathhouse rattled furiously as the prince knocked his fist against it.

"If you don't answer me, I'm coming in! Jihyun?" A moment's pause, a short breath, and then the door burst open and Jihyun felt icy air sweep over him as he was dragged from the bath and into the crown prince's arms. Still, Jihyun clawed at himself, writhing in the prince's grip. He couldn't stand the feel of the prince against him, how it made him feel. And he couldn't stand himself, for being so weak and helpless against him. "Jihyun, stop. Stop!" the prince grabbed Jihyun's wrists and tucked Jihyun's flailing legs under one of his own, pulling the servant tight against his body until he could no longer move. "Stop. You need to calm down, you're hurting yourself."