He Walks Alone in the Moonlight

THE HARDEST LESSON TO LEARN

Doyoon sat alone in the quiet of his study, his eyes focused on the spilled tea that was slowly evaporating from the table. He'd heard Munyeong's panicked cries from outside, but couldn't bring himself to look at what state he had put Jihyun in. Once again, his own selfish desires had gotten in the way and caused him to hurt his fated. With a frustrated groan, the crown prince stood, resuming his pace around the spacious room. Why was he this way? He'd never been so impulsive, so small-minded. Yet the thought of Jihyun not only refusing his teaching but preferring Eunbin over him, over Songmin? Doyoon knew his sister was an imposing figure, and Jihyun had only met her briefly. What about her did Jihyun prefer? Thinking of his sister only made him angrier. What was her motive? The prince was never as skilled at the delicate back and forth of politics as his sister was. He didn't have the heart for it. The princess had no issues reading the subtleties of the court, and she knew how to get people to do what she wanted without using force. It is why she and Songmin were so suited for each other, in their own strange way. Even if there was no affection, there was at least a mutual acknowledgment of ability. No such thing existed between him and Jihyun.

Doyoon made his way to his desk, sliding open the drawer full of discarded love poems he had slaved over the night before. "What was the point of all this," he hissed to himself as he grabbed the poems and scattered them about the room. He knew he was doing this all wrong. Doyoon had never loved anyone before, he didn't know how to do it. Hell, he didn't even remember what it felt like to be loved. And it wasn't like he could ask anyone around him. Minjoo and Jaeon were an undefined mess, Chang loved too often and shallowly, and Doyoon wasn't even sure Songmin believed in any sort of love. Munyeong and Chaesung wouldn't be much help either. They fell on opposite ends of the spectrum. A tug of war between love-obsessed and love averse. Just then, a knock at the door pulled Doyoon out of his thoughts.

"I said not to disturb me, Jaeon. I wish to be alone." A brief pause. Silence. Then the door slammed open to reveal Minjoo's figure. The tailor leaned against the door frame, his slender arms crossed in disapproval.

"You really are pissed off, huh?" Minjoo said as he scanned the papers scattered across the floor. The crown prince groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What do you want, Minjoo?"

"I'm assuming you're pissed off at yourself? That's the only proper reason for this behavior," Minjoo frowned as he pushed some papers together with the tip of his foot, forming a small pile.

"Don't step on those," the prince growled as he stooped down, picking up the poems as he made his way toward Minjoo. The prince grabbed the pile beneath Minjoo's foot, but they didn't budge. Another slight tug, but the tailor's foot remained firmly planted. Doyoon clenched his teeth, suddenly aware of his un-noble position.

"What? Are you ticked off because you're on your knees in front of someone as lowly as me? Does it make you feel, weak? Less than? I can't possibly imagine what that's like. If it unsettles you so much, why don't you go ask Jihyun how he copes with feeling like that every day." Minjoo hissed, twisting his foot against the pages, the crinkling of paper grating against Doyoon's ears. The prince's eyes darkened as he curled his hands into fists.

"You have three seconds, tailor. Three seconds to get out of my sight before I punish you for your insolence."

"Go ahead. I'm sure you're fated would love to witness your violent tendencies toward servants again."

"Three...."

"I'm sure he'll cry again. Maybe he'll even say that he hates you out loud this time."

"Two...."

"He seems to be more protective of others than of himself, so he'll definitely do something. After all, he likes me more than-"

"One!" The prince sprung upward, his fist hurtling toward Minjoo's face. The tailor flinched as the prince's hand shot past, the blast of air stirring the hair from Minjoo's shoulder. A heavy thud shook the doorframe as Doyoon's fist collided with it, the fragile wood splintering. The prince brought his mouth to the tailor's ear, his ragged breathing had unease pooling in Minjoo's stomach. "Do not make such remarks towards me again. There is a limit to my patience, tailor." Minjoo gulped, frozen as the prince peeled away.

"I apologize. I overstepped." Minjoo kept his eyes trained on the floor, slowly removing his foot from the poems.

"You know, better than anyone, the effort I have put in to be better, to unlearn everything I have been taught. So why, why did you think what you just did was appropriate?" The crown prince ground out the words as blood trailed down his fingers. Heavy breathing filled the room as Minjoo gnawed at his lip, thinking.

"I... I am just-" Minjoo sighed, closing his eyes. "I am just worried about him, is all. Worried about him, and worried about you. I do not think you are going about this the right way. You are both suffering."

"Then what, pray tell, is the proper way to go about all this," Doyoon said as he waved his arms about in frustration.

"Compromise?" Minjoo winced as he said it, unsure of himself.

"I have compromised. It has not worked."

"Have you though. Really? Or have you given him no choice for some things and complete control for others?"

Doyoon thought back to his conversation with Jihyun earlier, how he'd immediately refused his wish to have Eunbin as his tutor. The servant's words still rang in his ears. 'It is not a choice if my options are forced upon me.' Doyoon mulled over this idea, taking a seat. Minjoo joined him at the table, scooping up the scattered poems as he did so. "What if compromising would put him in danger?" Princess Eunbin's face flashed through Doyoon's mind.

"Sometimes that is a necessity. If you truly want to be equal partners, he needs to trust you, but you must trust him as well. Restricting him, hiding him from the world because you want him to be safe, I understand how you think you're protecting him, but that is not love, your Highness." Doyoon said nothing to that, biting the inside of his cheek. Minjoo sighed, leaning forward in his seat.  "I know what has been taken from you, what risks Jihyun will face, but those challenges will happen at some point, even if you are able to push them off for now. Wouldn't you rather him feel as though he could rely on you when that time comes?"

"But how? How do I get him to feel that way?"

"By doing things like you did last night?" Minjoo teased the suggestion.

"Last night?" The crown prince frowned.

"You took him to Mugunghwa Pavilion."

"He told you about that?" The prince could not hide his surprise and the warmth that flared in his chest at the thought of Jihyun talking about him, about them.

"Yes, he did. And now he knows what that place means to you. His demeanor changed after that. So I think, if you are open and vulnerable with him, he will be open and vulnerable with you."

"He wants Eunbin to be his tutor. I told him no. He hardly asks me for anything, and when he did, I told him no."

"Because you thought it would put him in danger. But Jihyun doesn't know Eunbin as such and doesn't see her as a threat in the way you do. His question was not meant to provoke or defy you."

Doyoon raised an eyebrow. "This conversation is making me wonder why Songmin is my advisor." Minjoo wagged a finger.

"No, no, no. We are not comparable. He is perfectly equipped to handle all the... advisory stuff," Minjoo waved a hand in the air dismissively, "And I am here to make sure all of you act like humans with basic social skills." The prince scoffed, shuffling through the poems Minjoo had gathered. After a time, Doyoon cleared his throat.

"Perhaps... I can work out a compromise concerning his tutoring."

"Like...?" Minjoo drew out the word, expectant.

"He does not want me there, and I do not want Eunbin there. So we will both attend, along with Songmin."

"So your solution is to stick him in a room with three of the most educated and influential people in the palace and expect him to not have a breakdown? Great start," Minjoo said sarcastically. The crown prince glared at the tailor, then pointed to the door.

"I think you've been of enough help."

"All right, fine,  I'm leaving. I'll relay the news to Jihyun, I don't want him to be blindsided tomorrow." The crown prince only nodded, his thoughts already focused on how he would convince Songmin to stay in the same room as his sister.