Denying Affinity (Affinity #1)

Meant To Be

A deep frown was evident on my face. My arms were crossed against my chest and my lips were quivering because of the unclassified emotion that was blossoming inside my chest. I was looking right through the car's window, staring at the gate of our house.

"Hey," hinawakan niya ang braso ko pero inilayo ko lang ang katawan ko mula sa kanya. Sinubukan niya ulit humawak sa akin para tawagin ang atensyon ko pero hinawi ko na ang kamay niya palayo sa akin. "Hey,"

"Babe," kumuyom ang mga panga ko. Inalis niya ang kamay sa braso ko pero inilipat niya iyon sa ilalim ng baba ko at marahan na iginalaw ang mukha ko para iharap iyon sa kanya. "Hey..." isa pang tawag niya at tsaka ko lang siya tiningnan sa mga mata.

"Avis, please don't be mad." nagsusumamo ang boses niya at bakas sa lungkot ang mga mata. Imbis na maawa ay mas lalo lang ako nakaramdam ng galit para sa kanya.

"How can I not be mad?" I snapped at him.

"Babe, I don't want us to fight." mahinang sambit niya at marahan na hinimas ang pisngi ko gamit ang daliri. Umiling ako at tinapik ang kamay niya palayo sa mukha ko.

"I don't want that too, pero ikaw na mismo ang nagbigay ng rason para awayin kita." nanginginig ang labi ko sa pagpipigil ng galit. "You're leaving in two weeks, Logan. And you're only telling me this now? Alam mo na pala last year pa lang pero bakit ngayon mo lang sa akin sinabi?"

"Because I know you'd act like this. I knew that this would happen." he answered like he was in pain. "I needed more time with you because I knew exactly what you'd do the moment you'll find out. That..."

"That I'd break up with you?" Logan flinched, closing his eyes like I've just shot him in the heart.

"Avis..." his plea was an answer enough.

"Alam mo ba kung gaano ka-unfair sa akin ng desisyon mo, Logan? You lied to me."

"I didn't lie to you-"

I sent him a death glare and that was enough to shut him up. Hindi pa ako tapos magsalita. "Lies can also be a product of silence, Logan. An act of omission is still a lie. And you didn't tell me you were leaving for good just because you didn't want me to dump your ass? Bullshit yon."

Logan was panicking. "I-It's not for good. Just... Until my dad gets better. I don't want... I don't want us to break up, Avis. I don't-I don't want this to end."

Tumaas ang isang kilay ko sa kanya. "You ended this relationship the moment you said you're gonna leave."

"Avis, no..." he unbuckled his seatbelt and scooted closer to reach for my face with both of hi hands. "Please, Avis. We can still be together. We can be in a long distance relationship. It will work. I will make it work. I'll fly monthly, we'll chat or call, we can skype or facetime... Avis, just don't break up with me."

Tinitingnan niya ang buong mukha ko na parang may hinahanap. Pumikit siya ng mariin na parang nahihirapan. Idinikit niya ang noo sa akin. "I love you. I'm so in love with you."

I held my breath. My body froze and I couldn't move.

Ilang beses ko na narinig iyon mula sa kanya pero hindi pa rin ako sanay. Palaging ganito ang nagiging reaksyon ko. Sa tuwing sasabihin niya iyon ay ngingiti na lang ako, yayakapin siya o di kaya ay hahalikan. I never said it back and he never asked it from me.

Nanatili kaming hindi gumagalaw ng ilang segundo. Nang maigalaw ko na ang kamay ko ay inangat ko iyon para hawakan siya sa pisngi. I like Logan. Hindi siya mahirap magustuhan. He's not overbearing, he's sweet and caring pero hindi yung tipong nakakasawa, he's smart, he's handsome, and he can stand my cold, frank, and boring attitude. At isa pa, we've-we had been together for a year and almost eleven months. Hindi kami tatagal ng ganoon kung hindi ko siya nagustuhan.