twice imagines [ON GOING]

i love you; k.dh

Neutral Reader

You swear you were in some romance movie, except you were stuck as the second lead. The events of earlier that day were running through your mind like a low quality video: some random boy you'd never seen approaching your best friend in the courtyard; them starting to talk as if they'd known each other for a long time, intriguing you and leading you to hide behind a tree; the boy interlacing his fingers with hers as they got closer, and you fled from the scene, no longer able to watch because of the pain in your chest...

Even now you still felt that restricting feeling, as if your rib cage was too small for your lungs that threatened to explode from contained sobs, as if your lovesick heart was being pushed to the very back and ignored. Your chest felt so tight, that when you breathed deeply to control your emotions, it hurt.

You were alone in the dorm room right now. With your luck, Dahyun was your roommate, but luckily she wasn't home at the moment. Most likely hanging out somewhere with that boy.

You kept telling yourself not to get too attached. Sure she was your best friend, and it's natural to love her, but not that way. You'd tried convincing yourself that it wasn't attraction you were feeling whenever she was around. You'd tried manipulating yourself into thinking you don't like her. You'd tried scolding yourself and reminding yourself so many times that she was never going to like you the way you liked - no, you were brave enough to even say you loved - her.

Sighing, you breathed in the cool air floating in from the open window. The city lights lifted your spirits somewhat, providing you solace in this time of defeat. Your tan curtains - you'd begged Dahyun to allow you to get them in that color - danced in the slight breeze. Ignoring the highlighted notes sprawled in front of you, you put on your headphones and reached over to drag a chocolate brown notebook towards you.

Recently you'd become obsessed with the color, and almost everything you bought was in a shade of brown. It brought you a sense of comfort, reminding you of warm cups of coffee and aged book paper. To you it was the equivalent of hugs, of home, of her.

Dahyun's soft brown eyes that pull you in and melt you, compelling you to tell her your worries and secrets, dissuading you from hiding or lying..

At the thought of her your heart clenched again. You really should stop. After all, it was her life, and your role in her story was only the supportive best friend.

A quiet chuckle left your lips when you realized you'd forgotten to turn on the music. However, it was replaced by disappointment when you discovered that your phone was dead. You huffed in annoyance, turning back to your notebook and accepting the silence.

Flipping the page over, your eyes caught the name 'Dahyun' several times. No surprise - this was where you let off your feelings.

A distinct scent wafted from the freshly opened page. You hummed in satisfaction at the paper's texture before uncapping your pen and started to write.

You wrote about your day, starting off with a cliché 'dear diary'. The scratching of your pen against the paper filled the room, as well as the faint sounds of the cars below. Your headphones had been placed on the table, allowing your ears to pick up even the quietest sounds.

Letting your emotions control you at this moment, you allow yourself to pour your heart out into words. Everything left unsaid, everything you so desperately wanted to tell the world, every single reason why you felt this way, it came rushing out.

The smile on her face, whether of pure joy or mischievous intentions. The way her eyes crinkle into crescents and the perfect slope of her nose. Her porcelain skin; her soft, warm hands; her melodic voice. The talent that runs through her veins alongside blood; the beauty that takes the place of air inside her lungs; her angelic presence that makes you feel as if you've visited heaven without even setting foot behind their divine gates.

Wherever she was, that was home.

Your vision blurred when you wrote down your further thoughts: the pain that you would never become that boy; that Dahyun would only ever see you as a friend; that you'd have to deal with this heartache forever because you can't bring yourself to stop thinking of her. Maybe you were being a little dramatic, but is feeling so helplessly hopeless wrong?

And then the ink left a trail of words in its wake. Three words you desperately wanted to tell her, but did not have the courage to do so.

I love you.

Did something fall? You heard a subtle thump. Probably from whoever lived in the apartment on the floor above.

No, never mind. It was your heart. Maybe the silence has caught up with you, allowing you to be aware of your heartbeat.

I love you.

Was it getting louder? You were alone, so why were you nervous? But that may exactly be the reason. However, that didn't make sense since you didn't believe in ghosts.

Did you?

I love you.

It was definitely getting louder and faster now, almost insistent to be heard. You felt the thumping against your chest, as if the sound was invading your ears. Curious, careful, you tested your suspicion.

I love you. I love you.

Yes, this was the cause. That was the frantic beating of your heart getting louder every time you wrote those three words. It felt as if it was being magnified on speakers throughout the building. It sounded like the footsteps of an army as they marched to war. It sounded like the ferocious thunder as a helpless sailor looked steely at the brewing storm.

It gave you a thrill. It brought suspense. It made you feel anticipation. So you kept doing it.

I love you.

Was this the thirty-first time? You'd lost count the moment you got to twenty, so you weren't sure.

I love you.

The loud pounding in your ears subsided into a muffled noise, as if you were underwater. Your hand was shaking - since when? - and your eyelids were heavy. The notebook's pages showed blotches where your tears fell. Your arm moved on its own accord: writing, and writing, and writing. Only three words filled the next few pages. Again, and again, and again, as if it would help you cope.

The silence was deafening. The muffled sounds turned into a ringing, ripping your ear drums cell by cell, worming its way into your brain.

It was getting overwhelming. But you couldn't stop. It was as if some unknown being forced you to keep doing this, to torture yourself slowly, like writing a spell to bring you into the dark pit of heartbreak.

Tears overflowed, hands shook, mind blanked, ears rang, breathing quickened. What in the world is happening?

But then the sound of a door opening made everything silent once more, and you sighed in relief. You finally dropped your pen like you'd been unchained from it.

"Y/N?" Dahyun called for you in such a caring manner, you felt unworthy. You felt her approach you where you were, but you were too exhausted to hide away your secrets.

She arrived, placed a tentative hand on your shoulder, and frowned at your state. Her eyes - those beautiful brown eyes and their alluring hue, you thought - fell on the table. Her fingers ran across the paper, movement halting at the sight of her name, as well as the countless confessions of 'I love you's all over the place.

She then turned to you: at your wet cheeks, your puffy eyes, your red nose. You weary smile and defeated gaze, she finally understood.

I love you, you said in your mind.

And you didn't even need to speak.

"Oh, darling," she whispered, cradling your head, "I love you, too. Only you."

And you swear your heart was about to explode in joy.

___________

i'm not sure if i've conveyed the emotions well, since i've never actually felt this way before.

i got the idea from a literal pinterest picture lmao.

hope u like this :)