twice imagines [ON GOING]

wish i were her; ?.??

Neutral Reader
This is quite a unique chapter. I couldn't think of which member could be for this one, so you can fill in the blank with your bias :)

"Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty."

I watched you on a December night. You told me to wear something comfortable because you were taking me somewhere, and I said that I didn't know what to wear. I saw you smile and rummage through your closet, emerging with an oversized grey sweater in your hands. You handed it to me and after I wore it, your smile widened and you patted my head. "You look better in it than I do. Keep it," you whispered.

You didn't notice, but a blush coated my cheeks once you left.

So we walked out with your hand around mine, the cold winter wind nipping at our skin and tinting the tip of your nose red. I giggled and adjusted your scarf so that it covered your mouth, but your eyes shone at me in a thankful manner. I was about to scold you playfully for not dressing warmer, when she walked by.

I watched as your eyes averted to land on her figure, the smile that was for me growing wider for her. You laughed cheerfully and approached her, forgetting about me.

I hated that you wanted her and not me, but how can I hate her? How can I hate her with her golden locks flowing in the wind and her bright eyes full of life ?

I called you and told you to go ahead with her while I return home.

I was full of resentment, but it hurt too much.

December 2nd turned to 22nd. I had hidden your sweater underneath my pillow. I hated it with every fiber of my being, because it persistently carried your scent. It reminded me of when I bore witness as you dragged me on a 'date' with her, handing over a bag which housed another sweater similar to mine. 

I hate you, ____. You had the audacity to pass that gift right in front of my eyes as my heart broke into jealous pieces. You had the audacity to frown at me in worry when I abruptly stood up, hiding my wet eyes behind my sleeve. "I have something to do," was all I said.

I wanted you to buy it and let me go, but deep inside I wanted you to stop me and ask what was wrong.

But as expected, you just smiled it off and waved goodbye.

You didn't know, but I rushed back to our shared room to cradle the sweater you gave me, drowning myself in my impossible fantasies.

You and her grew closer. Suddenly I was thrown to the sidelines, pushed to the limelight. Suddenly she was the object of your smiles and the girl who held your soft, warm hands. Suddenly the arm that used to rest around my shoulders moved to rest on hers instead.

But I was forced to just watch and fake a smile, as if I was happy for you. As if I didn't care. As if my heart was whole and my lungs were fine. As if I didn't live for you, breathe for you, my love for you and only you.

When you invited me over to a party with her, I almost refused.

But my heart longed for your company so much, so I had no choice but to accept. Being near you was painful, but being away was, too.

So instead I trapped my emotions inside, acting excited as her friends and yours laughed and joked around, sipping drinks and chatting happily.

I almost got away with it, too, if it wasn't for one of her male friends. My smile faltered when he told you two to kiss, possibly with alcohol influencing his mind. I felt you glance at me but I looked away, determined not to seem to care.

I stood up again, this time failing to stop and hide the tears that flowed freely as I ran to the balcony, desperate for a breath of fresh air. 

I didn't know it, but you watched me run away and followed. You joined me on the balcony and heard my sniffling as I tried to control the sobs that threatened to spill out. I only became aware of your presence when you leaned against the railing, your arm touching mine.

"Is it because of her?" you asked, startling me. I didn't know what to say. You didn't give out any hints, and I was afraid to answer. Should I say yes or no?

But I decided to be honest this time. "Yes," I said softly. "I hate it that she's the person you go to now."

I almost regret it when you didn't answer, instead staring at me with those eyes I get lost in. I don't know how many minutes passed, but I was content just holding eye contact with you.

And then I sighed, turning away and trying to ignore your presence. But you grabbed me by the chin and kissed me, causing me to sigh again but in happiness.

_______________________

i guess i'm back lmao

i'll go insane if i don't write something