Hidden Feelings

20

after leading tom and heidi to the guest room across and down the hall from my room, i changed into my pjs and went to sit with bill on my bed.

"okay so i got 4 different types of face/eye masks and wines sooo pick," i told bill.

"hmmm these," said bill already putting them on, "and definitely this wine," he said popping it open. i rolled my eyes smiling because it feels like old times.

"okay put a movie on billy," i said whilst sipping my wine. after a while i can tell bill wants to talk so we just talked and let the movie play in the background.

"soo, wanna talk about earlier?"

"i just got a little annoyed cause tom didn't ask if heidi can come over, that's all," i said shrugging.

"so you're not mad that heidi is pregnant?"

with that i jumped off my bed and was about to start raising my voice, but bill beat me to it, "just kidding, but judging by your reaction, it looks like something's bothering you."

"it's just tough seeing tom in love after what he did, i was the one who got heartbroken yet he's the one who's happy and in a relationship."

"i don't think he's happy though, not the way he was with you," said bill getting lost in his thoughts. i was getting tired of talking about this cause my mood was going from 100 to 0, so i decided to just go live.

"hey guys we're back," i said blowing a kiss to them with my face mask on,"and bills here too," i said before i showed them bill who blew a kiss.

"okay guys ask me anything."

shakjr1938: how are you and tom?

"we're good, we're still friends so yeah," i said playing it off with a smile.

akskjdn10292: how's heidi?

"how should i know?" i said rolling my eyes.

sjdjdj2038: oooo she doesn't like heidi guys

"anywayssss guys im having a photo shoot soon, so be exited because the theme is veryyy different than the ones i usually do."

dhwkjdb2: oo what is it?

"it's a secretttt," i said giggling, "sorry guys i had a little too much too drink, and so did bill look." i showed them bill who was dancing crazily to one of his old songs. laughing, i went back to reading comments.

sjsifjb2836: if you could be with tom, would you?"

"guys cmon stop with these comments," i said tiredly. "actually ima end the live, me and bill are a little too tired i said before looking at him. he was already staring at me, and after staring at each other we broke out laughing. "okay okay bye guys love you all 💋"

yawning and getting comfortable, i said, "they were asking so much about tom."

"yeahh it's normal lol, he still has fangirls as he did in 2007," said bill yawning,"anyways let's sleep, goodnight boo."

"goodnight billy," i said.

i was woken up by my bladder fucking me up. groaning i walked into my bathroom. i hate waking up in the middle of the night, it's so annoying. i love sleep but it doesn't love me back. after i did my business i headed downstairs because i was thirsty.

i was drinking water when i heard a voice behind me, startling me so much i starting choking. tom came to my side and started patting my back.

"i'm good i'm good, you just scared me," i said with a red face and watery eyes. it seemed like tom got in a trance because he was just looking at my state.
"umm tommy?" i said snapping my fingers. he snapped out of his trance.

"you still wake up every night?" he asked.

"yeah you?" i said.

"yeah"

they both stayed smiling in silence, not knowing that they both were feeling butterflies at the fact that they remembered each others habit of waking up. to them, little things really do matter.

"so how long have you and heidi been together?"

"oh um we made a year about a month ago," he said smiling, "what about you?"

"oh i haven't really had anyone since i left germany last time, i just i don't know i didn't want to feel the pain of heartbreak you know?" i said not meeting his eyes. i felt bad but i just couldn't date after tom, i was too scared.

"listen y/n i know you said you're over it and you forgive me but just here me out," he said. smiling and nodding for him to continue, he did. "i really am sorry y/n, i can't say it enough i really am. what i did was stupid as fuck believe me i've spent the past 10 years regretting that. after you left i was so lost and broken, it's like i became bill, wearing nothing but black and staying in my room," i chuckled before he continued," i was really drunk, i don't want you thinking i used that as an excuse, but i was so fucked that night i couldn't see clearly, and i know you may not believe it but that girl kissed me without my consent after she heard i slept with 25 girls, that wasn't true either but she didn't know. that's really what happened, and i'm sorry for the pain i put you through." by the time he finished i was tear eyed a little just because i remember all the emotions i felt during that time, it's like i was reliving them. tom noticed and wiped them away before bringing me in for a hug.

"i'm sorry for leaving tommy, i just, i couldn't take it, you did what my dad did to my mother and i know you're telling the truth about what happened, but i didn't know it then. believe me when i say you're forgiven tommy," i say pulling back and smiling.

"i don't deserve your kindness y/n. i better get back to heidi though."

"oh of course, i'm going to drink a little more water goodnight tommy."

he leaned in close to me, and kissed the corner of my lips before saying, "goodnight hübsches mädchen."

he turned to walk back to the room he's in, but left me blushing. i groaned at nothing, i was so confused, and they say girls are the confusing ones, yeah my ass.

authors note: guys i didn't even know what to write, like idk what sweet shit to say, with my men i always bully them so i literally struggle with sweet moments😭.