Incandescent

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I woke up to being shaken. I slowly opened my eyes and turned to look at who was waking me. HongJoong was leaning up on one of his elbows with his hair all messy from sleep. He smiled softly at me, leaning down and pecking my lips. All sleepiness left my body as I rolled onto my back, looking up at him. His hand was still caressing my hip. It was obviously morning, based off the sun shining in what seems to be early morning.

"Good morning, Dear. It's time to go eat breakfast and get your bandages changed before Seonghwa beats my ass." He informed me. I nodded and he gently pulled me out of bed. He guided me to his bathroom. It wasn't without difficulty of my legs shaking or my knees buckling, though. I brushed my teeth with an extra toothbrush and threw my hair up into a bun. He brushed his hair and teeth, cleaned his face piercings, and we were done. We headed downstairs, me not caring about my lack of clothing as HongJoong carried me. My legs were wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck as his hands held my thighs. Reaching the bottom we head into the slightly noisy kitchen.

"There's our girl." Seonghwa said with a smile when he saw us walk in. I hid my face in HongJoong's neck as he chuckled. I loved the feeling of their skin against mine, I'd choose it over any kind of sex in general. Just being with them made me happy, so HongJoong being shirtless was even better.

"How do you feel? HongJoong said you had passed out?" San softly asked. I shrugged as buried my face into HongJoong's neck more once he sat down at his chair.

"Don't know, I feel okay. Brain still feels a little numb." I replied, playing with the thin chain around HongJoong's neck. Seonghwa placed our breakfast in front of us and HongJoong focused on getting food in my stomach.

"When you finish eating Seonghwa said he'd replace your bandages and then we gotta head to school. Yes, we can have that lunch study, ice cream date today." Jongho said, knowing what I was going to ask before I could even open my mouth. I smiled as I nodded at him.

"Joongie Oppa?" I softly asked. He hummed as he prepared another bite for me to eat.

"Can Kai and the others come over again?" I asked, he nodded as he ruffled my hair.

"Yes, Pup. If you want to hang out with them you're more than welcome too. If you ever wanna go to their house you can always ask as well." HongJoong informed me. I nodded and turned to look at the others. Yunho spoke up before I could even say anything.

"Ren you know we're curious. HongJoong told us about the degrading, are you 1000% sure you're okay with that?" He asked, his tone a lot more caring than I thought possible for anyone.

"Yeah we all had agreed to not bring anything up about it due to your past, so what made you want it?" Yeosang asked, confusion genuine. I shrugged as I leaned back in HongJoong's hold, my back pressing against the counter.

"I saw it mentioned a few times on kinktok. I did my own research as well on the topic out of embarrassment of not wanting to ask." I admitted.

"And you wanting to try it?" Wooyoung questioned. I shrugged.

"If you're eluding to my experience with DaeJun please just say it, I promise it's okay." I replied, looking them all in the eyes. It was my past and I wouldn't be disappointed in it. Not when I walked out of it alive compared to how I thought I would have to leave it.

"I know you guys don't mean the words in a way to actual hurt me. If you did you'd of used them already. I feel safe and comfortable in your presence and in such a vulnerable position. DaeJun made it known he believe ever word he said about me, even while being sadistic I can see the care hidden in your eyes. Yunho still checked on my shoulder and made sure I was comfortable with the gun. San slightly panicked when I bled from the gun. Last night HongJoong still made sure my arms were comfortable and my shoulder wasn't in pain. Your actions show your care in contrast to the degrading words. You wouldn't do that or use them if you saw even a slight discomfort." I finally explained, using examples as well. They could be as brutal as they wanted but their eyes still show their love and care for me no matter what.