You just got back to your apartment you slam the door and lean against it before slowly sliding down. After everything you did to make sure Penelope never found out about any of this it all went to waste and everyone thinks your some sort of animal but won't admit it.. Except Derek.
You sit there for who knows how long before you feel it, the feeling you feel before you break and you don't even try to calm yourself or stop it. You want it to happen.
You get up off the floor before going to your kitchen cabinet and grabbing the handle of Tequila. You pop the cap off and throw it across the room before throwing your head back and chugging it. You feel the Tequila burning your throat as it goes down and fuck, it feels so good.
You repeat the cycle of chugging and coming up for air before throwing the handle back again. You slam it on the counter and just stare into space, you feel it already. You feel the dizziness, you feel the light headedness... and you feel yourself about to loose it...
You're staring at the glass cups all over your island top, thinking about Penelope, thinking about your abduction, thinking about the absolute torture you endured over the span of those two weeks. You're just thinking about everything. You feel your eyes lining with tears.
Before you know it the glasses are shattered on the floor. You stare at the glass shattered all over your kitchen floor and you feel it. You start hysterically sobbing before going over to the living room. You rip every picture frame off the wall and chuck it across your apartment all you hear is crashes and shatters as you continue to destroy your apartment. You lost control and you can't stop, but at the same time... you don't want too.
You're breaking everything in sight. Flipping the small end tables and coffee tables you have, throwing picture frames across the room, shattering glass, throwing your decorations at the walls. You throw your plants straight onto the floor with force, you watch the ceramic shatter and the dirt fly everywhere.
Before you know it you're in the bathroom you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you pause as you look at yourself from the side before turning and fully facing yourself in the mirror, you lean your hands against the sink and lean into the mirror and just stare at yourself. Mascara running down your face, your hair that you took so much time doing to look decent this morning all messed up, your eyes red, swollen and drooping from crying and the alcohol. The more you stare at yourself the angrier you get.
"You should have fucking died, you stupid fucking bitch." You whisper to yourself. You throw a punch at the mirror breaking some glass. You watch the shattered glass fall into the sink and your gaze moved over to your hand, your knuckles bloody and your hand red. You look at the mirror again before throwing another punch with your other hand. This one harder than the last, this time you took a good chunk of glass out of the mirror and your hand is bleeding a lot more than your other.
You walk backwards until the wall stops you. You look at your shattered mirror once more before walking out into your living room area and seeing the disaster you just created. You fall to your knees and start sobbing. You feel so out of control and you don't know what to do. You feel hopeless. What is wrong with you?
a thousand things running thru your head as your piercing cries get lower.. You're drained. That took all your energy and now you're sitting in the middle of your destroyed apartment, drunk out of your mind left with nothing but the feeling of loneliness and emptiness.
You've been sitting on the floor for almost an hour, just sitting. You haven't moved or made a sound. You feel like you've been in a daze until your head shoots to the direction of your front door that just cracked open.
