Loving Anna

Lyssa-Chapter 26

Four years later

"Shit!" I cried out trying to make my way through the crowded tables. Dammit must have burned myself...again. I still couldn't believe the owner Sue put up with my and my clumsy ass anymore but then again I really needed this job. Mostly to pay for my apartment since I was not staying on campus those dorms...I'd rather pick up extra shifts. "Hey Jonah, how is the girls night going?" I asked, chuckling lightly. He threw his hands up with a grin "they get worse every time I swear by the time we get home they'll have lost their voices." He nodded up to the karaoke machine. I laughed at the three drunk girls standing up there singing horribly off key. "Well have fun I'm sure I'll be making shots of coffee before you go." I said turning away to face the door. The bell jingled and I saw three women heading into the place. The hostess sat them down in one of my booths so I walked over to greet them. "Hey guys, what can I get started for you tonight." I said beaming. One of the girls looked so familiar I just couldn't quite...no...it couldn't be...she looks like her but it's not her there's no way it's...her. I choked on air quickly trying to recover and pretending like I had been listening. "Oh my god I am so so sorry my shift just ended I'll send someone else over." I said, offering a sweet smile to the ladies. They all nodded seemingly very sleepy and didn't complain one bit about service being delayed. I needed to get to the nightclub as quickly as I could before my ass was grass. I sped out of the restaurant so fast praying that I got there just a few minutes before my shift when I heard something behind me "Lyssa?" A small voice said. And when I turned around to see her eyes...her eyes...every part of her that I prayed I would forget over these years was now standing in front of me..."Anna?" I whispered

My chest rose with the intake of breath. "I-" I started to say but her eyes filled with soft tears. I started forward to comfort her but I stopped myself. These were sad tears not happy tears, tears that say "stay away from me, you're the reason I'm crying right now." I completely understood why. That letter that I had given her was mean...it wasn't...I made a decision and now I was facing that decision. She just stared at me. "I forgot you were coming to NYU." I whispered. She glared at me "Did you forget everything about me?" She lashed out "did you forget about me because you hated me...did you forget about me as soon as you fucking left...as soon as I found out you graduated early...did you forget everything we fucking did." I shook my head "I could never forget you..." my voice unconvincing and barely above a whisper. Her tears began to spill down her face "I can't believe you're actually here..." she whispered back. I nodded "I have to go..." Her face hardened. "You always do, don't you." She said flatly. "Hey Lysser you coming or am I gonna have to walk myself home." I heard a jokey voice behind me call out. Anna looked so hurt in that moment and I knew I couldn't explain myself to her...there was nothing I could do to fix this. I had broken us. My Anna was no more...she looked so sad so broken...she looked like she had no more light in her. I heard footsteps behind me and I turned around to face Nick. He must have seen the way I was shaking because his demeanor immediately changed as he scanned the area "who hurt you Lyssa." He said in a cold angry tone. I shook my head as my shoulders shook with the sobs that were trying to escape. "It was me...I did the hurting this time...and I can never fix it." I finally broke out into pained cries and Nick took me in his arms. He led me all the way back to my apartment and tucked me in bed as I cried...I cried for Anna...I cried because after all these years I still hated myself...for doing that to her...for not being able to move on...for still loving Anna.

Nick laid with me all night listening to the story of how I met Anna and how our relationship blew up in my face. It was sad and it really hurt revisiting all the memomries but I trusted Nick he was my best friend...well really my only friend but that didn't matter. He and I were stuck together no matter what. I told him about Justin and about how Anna saved me. After all of it was over he finally said "Anna didn't save you Lyssa, you saved yourself...she was just there to convince you." His words made me stop. "Did I make the right choice" I sniffed through tears. "Did you make it for yourself...did you make it because you knew you needed to love yourself first...did you make it so you could follow your dreams and not hers...yes Lyssa you made the right choice and if she doesn't understand why then...then she needs to grow up." I laughed a little bit at that statement before finally drifting of to sleep still sitting on my bed with Nick. I was lucky...lucky that even though I convinced myself I had moved on and I hadn't that I still had someone like Nick to help me through everything...help me through the gray days and get me to the blue skies that I so desperately needed. I needed the rain to go away...and with that I needed Anna to go away. Just leaving me at peace with my life and where I was going...every place I could go didn't involve her...if only I could convince my heart that.