Loving Anna

Anna-Chapter 8

My life is currently a mess. First off I kissed Lyssa which may be great but I felt during that kiss was guilt. I wanted her...I needed her but she had a boyfriend. She was probably using me to spite him. Those thoughts hurt the most. How could she use me like that. She wouldn't. But then again I don't even know her. If I don't know her past how can I allow myself to have a future with her. Second thing my ex Rachel started texting me again. With all the Lyssa drama I had completely forgotten that she existed. We were kind of talking but I was barely responding to her messages and when I did I was so dry. I didn't want to talk to her again. The way we ended it disgusted me and downright...haunted me. She had epically hurt me and now she had come skulking back into my life when I needed her the least. And the third straw was my friends were mad at me completely shutting me out. They even kicked me out of the group chat we shared. It made me mad that they were mad. They didn't even tell me why all I know is that they were acting like fucking first graders whispering about me in such an obvious way to make me feel bad instead of fucking talking to me. The only one who still spoke to me was Nate. I didn't understand. Maybe they had found out about the kiss with Lyssa? But what reason would that make them mad. They knew I had been wanting this...or maybe it was that I hadn't told them. No one knew other than me and Lyssa and I really wanted to keep it that way. I wasn't sure what the objective was with her but I couldn't let another girl toy with my emotions. I had been wanting to kiss her so bad but when I did...it wasn't filled with the same passion I had always imagined. Don't get me wrong I loved kissing her. Feeling her tongue connect with mine as our mouths collided. Something about it though...something about it felt wrong. Even though I didn't care about her boyfriend in anyway because he was clearly a piece of shit I mean I barely saw them together not even on Instagram where she posted everything. I couldn't pinpoint where these feelings were even coming from. I tried talking to my parents but they ignored me. My mom was wrapped up in her own man who treated her terribly. They fought and argued all the time and the worst thing was she always brought me into it. I couldn't even handle my own romance let alone HERS. I needed her to be my mother not the other way around. My dad would usually listen to me but today he was super busy and he was also having girl troubles. I couldn't be both my parents damn therapist I just needed them to comfort ME! Sometimes I wanted things to be about me sometimes I wanted their attention and sometimes things mattered to me too so if they would sit down and listen maybe we would all be okay. All these thoughts and feelings made me wonder why I had brought Lyssa into my shambled life. I was having a terrible high school experience I couldn't drag Lyssa down with me...no matter how much I wanted to. Suddenly I heard a small ding coming from my phone. I dreaded seeing one of my friends text me or even Rachel. I couldn't deal with it anymore. So I picked up my phone and...oh fucking hell...even worse. It was Lyssa.