Loving Anna

Lyssa-Chapter 21

Perfect. That's all I can think to describe that night with her. Perfect. The night with her family. I felt welcomed I felt...I felt at home...Anna is my home. I can't let her go again. Here I am laying in her bed for the second night in a row. We just finished and collapsed her getting ready for another round. I felt her hands circle my back. They were warm and soft her gaze never left my back. It was where I had my tattoo. I never told her....it was because of her. I got it for her. The flower...it bloomed. That's what she made me do. She made me bloom because for the first time in my life...I felt alive. I felt like I could go anywhere and I would finally have someone to support me. To hold me up. Now don't get me wrong I'm not into the whole codependency shit...but for her I just might have to allow it. I honestly can't wait to see her parents again. They were lovely and oh god her dad made me laugh...something I hadn't done in a long time with my dad. Things would heal overtime but now...the wounds from the past were still fresh. I can't dwell...all that does is not allow them to heal. It's like picking at a scab...pain won't go away unless you let it and even then it will never go away...Anna is the band-aid that's holding me together holding back the bleeding. Like that saying "sunshine before the storm" Anna and I were a storm. Our love story was a whirlwind of emotions...oh god so many emotions but here I am. In her bed...day dreaming. For once in my life...goddamn I actually have something to look foreword to in school. I slipped out after Anna fell asleep. I knew she wouldn't be happy that she didn't have my in the mornings but I still needed to get home and shower. I smelled like a zoo and that was very much not attractive. All though I won't have to worry about her straying will I? No duh stupid stupid question the way...fuck the way she looks at me. The way she makes me feel...and suddenly I've got it. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm no idiot trust me. I've heard the "never get your significant other tattooed on you" but I need a piece of her on me. Forever reminding me of the girl...the brown haired green eyed girl who saved me. Who brought me back. I'm not getting her name tattoed on me, and yes this a very very impulsive decision but too late now. I've given her the picture...I guess I'm stuck. Oh good god I really hope I don't regret this. I step out of the shop three hours later with a bandage on my shoulder and no regrets. Not. A. Single. One. I'll gladly treasure this for the rest of my life. A rose...a flourishing rose. It's amazing. Roses remind me of her...if you look close enough one of the flower petals is drawn in the shape of a heart. My heart...my heart is consumed by her. She owns my heart. Every little piece of it. Even though it had taken me until it was basically time for school I still decided it was good...good for me to act on my impulses. But shit...shit shit shit. Cheer. I was supposed to be there early to rehearse for a big school show. Shit! How could I forget. I rushed back home to grab my uniform and the clothes I was supposed to wear. I sped all the there my heart pumping. I wasn't even going to see her today. That tainted my idea of school...she was the only...oh no. Oh no. What do I say when I see her friends-fuck has she even told her friends? I mean she has to have. I think. Oh god. What do I say...what are people gonna say?? Freshmen dating senior...are we...are we even going to be public? I mean I told her she could call me her girlfriend but...no. She wouldn't go around bragging about it...about us. That's wrong and not her. Not my Anna. Good god what do I say to people? What do I say to coach Blake. Does he know??? He can't know...who am I kidding her probably already knows even if Anna didn't tell him he knows...he had daughters for fucks sake. I get there just in time for us to warm up and go through. My coach looks thoroughly annoyed but I just get in line with the rest of the girls and ignore her dirty ass looks and even dirtier attitude. Trust me it takes me everything to not flip her off. But she is the coach...in her eyes either your in or...your out.

Its been 5 hours and I've performed so many times...I will never ever be able to listen to this music again I am so so so sick of it. It makes me ear practically bleed. Last show and I still haven't seen her. Obviously its her teachers who sign up but I really really am praying she'll get to see me at least once. My phone died an hour ago so I can't check for messages. Finally I hear our last cue and I step out on stage. My eyes lock with the audience as I watch the girl in front of me for the choreography. I'm not very rhythmic as many people can tell but what throws me off even more is that I see her. I lock eyes with her and smile. I bet I'm grinning like and idiot but who cares. She makes me happy...stupid happy even if this is one of the worst things I have had to do for this squad. I see her grinning goofily in her seat taking pictures to no doubt...tease me later tonight...her friends are also giggling but I only see two of them...the other two no where in sight. I figured they knew and seeing that...it somehow doesn't bother me...I mean not in the way I thought it would. It makes me happy to see them teasing her over me...her girlfriend. I bet they all doubted a senior could fall in love with a freshmen. But here I am stuck on stage dancing with a tattoo...a tattoo I'll have forever...one that shows me...she'll always have a piece of my heart...whether its in sunshine or storm...whether I'm a million miles away...whether its with or without her...I'll always know. Thank you Anna. You gave me a reason. You gave me what I never thought I could have let alone deserved...home...you gave me a home.