Loving Anna

Lyssa-Chapter 23

"Oh god..." I groaned into Anna's shirt. She kept kissing the back of my neck as I straddled her on the couch. When Anna's phone rang and she shot up to answer it. To my surprise she started to put her shoes on as she talked in a worried tone. It all happened so fast that she slammed the door and I hear a car start. I was shocked. Obviously worried, confused, and pretty much just shocked in general. It wasn't until around 2 am that she returned. I was pretty pissed but tried to calm myself down since I wasn't sure what happened. It could be one of her parents that got into trouble I reminded myself. She kind of brushed past me as soon as she walked in the door and she didn't say a word to me. Nothing. She left me standing there and instead acted weirdly cold and distant. This was new. I finally got the courage to speak "what's wrong what happened?" She shot me an annoyed look which I didn't appreciate. "Friend troubles." She said vaguely. I snorted "don't you owe me a bit more of an explantation after leaving me here." She glared at me "don't be so selfish Lyssa I needed to help my friends." She growled. I took a step back and walked towards the door. I heard a loud sigh come from the kitchen and I immediately walked back in. "What's your problem?" I questioned. She shook her head "don't worry about it." I rolled my eyes "again you left me and all I get as a fucking explanation is friend troubles Anna? Really that's the best you can do." "It's none of your business!" She snapped loudly. Even she looked surprised at her tone. Her eyes widened but she didn't try to apologize to me. I shook my head "so what I'm supposed to sit and wait for you like a fucking IDIOT while you blow me off for your friends...you were expecting that call...you answered it so fucking fast and then you...you just left." She stared at me with a cold and empty expression. What was her problem? Why was she acting like this. "My friend was having relationship problems they were really struggling Lyssa." She said with her brows furrowed. "Your a really bad fucking liar." I snapped at her. She averted her gaze to the floor. "You were expecting that call" I said my voice barely above a whisper as my mind begged her to look at me. "They needed me." She said her voice hard. She was distancing herself from me and I could practically feel the space between us. Somehow she was putting up a wall between us. "So what am I supposed to always come second to your friends?" She didn't say anything after that. "If I was in trouble at the same time one of your friends was you'd go to them first wouldn't you." I said not even a question anymore. Her silence confirmed it for me. She would always pick them over me. "It's not my fault you became so clingy after your boyfriend fucked another girl." Her voice rang out laced with venom and anger. "Your taking it out on me aren't you Anna." I said hurt by her words but I couldn't let her push me away like this not...not when she needed me...she still needed me...didn't she? She didn't mean that...how could she say that. My thoughts started to spiral deeper and deeper descending into darker thoughts until I was interrupted by Anna's voice "Get out." She said painfully. "No." I said. "Excuse me it's my fucking house." She hissed at me. "I said no deal with it you don't get to push me away again. Not like last time Anna grow the fuck up." I said trying to sound calm but I was splintering. "Why didn't you tell anyone." She whispered. "About us." I said. She nodded still staring at the floor. "I heard people talking...you denied it Lyssa." She said sadly. "I didn't tell anyone cuz who the FUCK would I tell. Next time don't assume so much Anna." I glowered now pulsing with anger. How could she assume again. "You always assume the fucking worst out of me. Don't you." I chastised her in a shaky voice. She shook her head "I can't..." "Can't what." She didn't say another word so instead I turned on my heels to get out the door. "You can get so angry and say such hurtful things without even ASKING ME! I don't even get why you were upset." I yelled back at her. She didn't come after me. She didn't follow me. She just stood there shaking and I could see her body begin to crumble. I wanted to go back and hug her. My heart screamed for me to go back...to love her when she was breaking she was...breaking in front of my eyes. But I forced myself out the door. I walked all the way to my car and it wasn't until I got home when I finally started being able to think again. Let her break. Let her break like her words broke me. Just let her. She won't...I can't...my chest started to hurt so fucking bad I got into my room with nothing...no texts from her at all. She hadn't said anything. No apology. I threw my phone next to the wall and sank down in anger...in pain. I had become clingy. I just...I started to sob as my butt hit the floor. My sobs turned into heaving as I felt myself slipping away. I couldn't breathe I couldn't...I can't...I don't know how to breathe. I can't...oh god I keep letting them shatter me. My heart....it can't fucking do this...it can't keep breaking as soon as I hand it to anyone...I just cry. Hiccuping sobs hardly breathing as I melted into the floor. The walls started to close in on me and the world spun around me. I collapsed on the floor...I did this. I tried so hard and now...fuck I can't....I just want to go on loving Anna. Not breaking as soon as I hear those words. When I see her face replaced with Justin. How am I supposed to handle something like this....I can't hurt anymore. I can't...I don't want to keep hurting like this...doing it alone...I thought...I thought I could finally break isolation but instead I was on the floor alone...sinking further and further into darkness...without a light to pull me out.