A Million Little Reasons

Chapter 51

We both stared out, from the window at the falling snow while I sipped my hot chocolate, lazily. His lips left sloppy kisses on my neck as his hands explored my bare self under the blanket surrounding us while Kyung yawned and laid down.

It was few hours after midnight of his birthday getting over and mine coming closer, reminding me of something I had to do but right now I wanted savoured all the moments I have with him.

The entire night and the next day, he fucked my brains out in every position, in every corner of his house. We both were so engrossed in it that he called in sick for his birthday V live and didn't pick up any calls from anyone. I was the one who had all of his attention.

And finally we stopped after feeling extremely hungry at dinner time, he made me some special vegetarian Korean dishes I don't remember while making sure that he didn't make it too spicy. Then we did it again, and decided to cuddle by his fireplace while drinking hot chocolate.

"It's so pretty," I sighed, he just hummed in reply as he continued his assault on my neck. "I wanna play in the snow,"

He immediately stopped and said, "you wanna go out? It's snowing right now so it's the perfect moment to play." I turned around and nodded eagerly. He chuckled and pecked my lips as we both stood up.

As we entered his room, still wrapped around the blanket because of the cold weather, he handed me his hoodie as I put it on then dig into my suitcase to wear some warm clothes.

After fifteen minutes we both stepped out of his apartment with me wearing a heavy coat a beanie on my head, fluffy boots and gloves to keep me warm. Dalhyun was dressed almost in the same manner. Even Kyung was wearing a sweater to keep himself warm.

As we stepped outside his building, I was surrounded with snow falling from the sky and snow covering the greenery of the small garden. I laughed softly as I glanced up and let the snow fall on my face.

Kyung's bark diverted my attention as I glanced down to see him wagging his tail at me. I laughed and started running as he followed, chasing after me while Dalhyun watched us by leaning against a tree.

Then I jumped upon the layer of snow as Kyung jumped on me. I continued laughing, as Kyung licked my cheeks then I started making snow angel, enjoying the feel of coldness speaking through my layers of clothing.

I glanced at Dalhyun to find him recording me, playing no heed to that I stood and ran towards him. Seeing this, he switched off his phone as I jumped on him, wrapping my arms and legs around. With a big fat smile I said, "thank you for everything. It means the world to me."

He smiled, as he brushed his lips against mine. The soft feeling of his lips making my heart skip a beat. And that I moment I was truly and utterly fucked because I knew what I felt for him was true love.

But my love and respect for my mom was so much more that I am ready to loose myself, that I am ready to break both our hearts.

I know he didn't deserve anything like this, especially a selfish person like me. Someone who kept on hiding secrets, someone who kept him hidden when he deserved so much more.

No one in this sad fucking story could be blamed, but me. I should be the blamed for everything, for tear escaping from my mother's eyes, from his beautiful grey eyes, from my own eyes.

All my mother wanted was for me to study and prove my worth in front of the world, was it too hard to do?

I could've prevented this all by telling him the truth, by telling my mom my genuine love for him. I could've prevented it all. But I didn't, like the coward I am.

He never really questioned what was going on with me, but instead he understood me, he helped me and he taught me. He understood my urge to be independent and successful. He helped me with my anxiety and panic attacks, he taught me how to smile genuinely and I couldn't be more grateful to meet him in my life.

My 20th birthday is coming up, and I was ready to break his heart to loose myself in the process. At exactly midnight, I would be gone—away from his life, wishing he finds someone better, someone who would love him with all of themselves, someone who would sacrifice everything just for him.

He deserves everything I wish for my birthday, I hope he finds someone who will make him smile.

And I was gonna go back to writing Million Little Reasons in my diary, but still this time it would be Million Tiny Things his someone should do to make him feel loved.

Someone who isn't gonna be me. Because all I am is someone who doesn't deserves happiness after breaking so many hearts.

T H E E N D