ÈGOÏSTE |18+ [English Version]

Chapter 61. "A Farewell Kiss."

You know, I can't remember the last time we kissed... Because you never think the last time is the last time... You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don't.

"Anatomy of Passion."

Can anyone explain in words what it feels like to kiss the person you love?

I think the answer to this question has a complicated level, because I can't give you the right answer to this question, probably because there are no right answers, it happens and it feels different for everyone...

Today I go to my last and farewell meeting with a man whom I loved and continue to love, what do I feel, you may ask, probably nothing, emptiness, loss, pain, sadness, I do not want to think about it, I do not want to remind myself that this is the last meeting...

I was one hundred percent sure that there was probably a chance that Edmund would be released and I could have just sat there and hoped for the best, but the percentage of him going to jail was much higher and believe me I would have never forgiven myself if I had known that the man I loved was behind bars and it was all my fault.

I knew I had ruined Edie's life, Henry's, and myself, because I had always kept to myself and didn't want people around me to know what was going on in my inner world, I was hidden from society and lived in my imaginary world, where it was just me and my principles.

We are ruined by selfishness, self-love, fear, resentment, stress, depression, mental disorder in one word, complexes, and most importantly society's opinion... I've always thought about what people would say. Yes, that phrase has ruined many people, including me... I was afraid to open up to society, I was afraid to be what I wanted to be, I was just afraid of not being accepted, I guess I was afraid of being alone, but without realizing it I lived and continue to live in it ...

I don't know what awaits me with Oswald, maybe he's right that my life would be much better, because they always said that a woman should be loved and that's more important than when you love, and now looking back, I realize that perhaps it was all about that and went to that, that I was just happy with a man who just loves me, for what I am ...

I do not want to look into the future and make plans, because almost always they do not come true, you need to live in the present, forget the past and not think about the future...

I pulled myself together and put on a light pink blush, got up and took my purse and left the bedroom, where Tony met me

- Are you sure about this? - He asked me.

- I'm sure. - I said seriously.

- Just don't say anything to Edie, please.

- This is a farewell meeting Tony and nothing more, I'll say goodbye to him and disappear from his life forever... - I told the guy and went outside, where Daniel was already waiting for me...

I also decided to write a goodbye letter to Henry, to tell him the whole truth and just to ask for forgiveness, whether he would forgive me, I don't know, but I will hope so... about that later, there was only one person I cared about right now...

- You look beautiful! - Hugging me, Daniel said.

- Thank you, the pleasure was all mine. - I got in the passenger seat and we drove off.

- You know, I'm really amazed at how strong in spirit you are, how wise and intelligent you are. - The brunette looked at me and said, "I'm proud that fate has brought us together.

- Thank you Daniel you are a wonderful person.

- Are you sure about what you're doing? - Taking my hand he asked, - I told you about it, I'm still going to fight for Edie and we can shorten his sentence.

- I've made up my mind and I don't want to get into it again.

- Whatever you say," the brunette replied, and we drove the rest of the way in silence.

I understood Daniel and he was probably right, but me and my complexes again, my fear and feelings of not being needed in the world, I guess I was doing that because I knew I couldn't get my old relationship with Edie back, and the fact that I had chosen Oswald only meant that I really lacked a loving father in my life...

Whoever said what they say dads are different, they play a very important role especially in a girl's life and I'm sorry I never got to experience what a real and loving father is in my life, but maybe I'll find one in Oswald?

I don't know the answers to any of my questions, I lean on fate and will trust that all will end well.

Daniel brought me to the police station, they let us in, and there was an iron door in front of me and a few steps between me and my lover.

- I'll be here if you need me. - Taking my hand, Daniel said.

- Thank you," I said, and walked into the room.

I looked across the room, and there he was, sitting at the table, the man I'd fallen in love with at first sight, the one that sent shivers down my body and a goofy smile across my face, which was probably what falling in love was all about...

The door closed and it was as if I had come to my senses, he looked up at me and said.

- How I waited for this meeting, little birdie. - He looked at me and grinned...

I kept silent and walked up to him, and he stood up and pulled me to him, hugging me tightly...

- You can't even imagine my self-loathing... - he said hoarsely, - I feel like nothing, I know that I made the biggest mistake in my life... - he breathed in the scent of my hair and added, "you are forever in my heart, Joanna... I would give anything to change time back and just stay with you and enjoy the gift that life has given me. - he finished and taking my face in his hands he looked at me and kissed me... The kiss was long, sweet, hot, I could describe it endlessly, but I knew it was a goodbye kiss...

- Will you forgive me? - He looked at me, his eyes were broken, and his eyes were full of pain and sadness, as if he was about to cry...

- I love you, Edie. - I said softly, and tears streamed down my cheeks...

- I'm an idiot, Joanna. I've ruined our lives, and I feel disgusted, because I was just playing with you, and without realizing it, I fell in love...

- Please," I tried to stop the flow of my tears, "stop talking about it, it's all in the past, it's not your fault.

- I killed our love, Joe. I can't forgive you for that, but I can't live knowing that you hate me inside...

- I love you, Ed... It's all my fault, and if I'd told you sooner, it wouldn't have happened...

- Don't think about it, it's nobody's fault but mine... Take care of yourself, I love you my little bird, but I'm letting you go, I want you to start life anew... Be happy. - He said, and a lonely tear ran down his cheek...

- You'll be all right, Ed. This is just the beginning...

- What do you mean?

- Don't think about prison, I know you'll be all right. It's just that I came here to say goodbye to you...

- I don't understand, are you leaving? For good?

- Yeah, it was a hard decision, but it was the right one. I'm sorry for everything. I love you with all my heart, but it was our last meeting, I hope you can find the one... goodbye... - I said and headed for the door.

- Joanna, wait! What do you mean? Johanna! Don't go away! - He shouted in my wake, but I couldn't hear anything anymore, and as I walked out of the room it was like I was in a fog... it was over, my story of mad love with Edmund Wright was over...

From the author:

Hi there my good friends❤️ I'm sorry for posting this chapter so late, unfortunately due to circumstances I couldn't post it earlier, but better late than never 😂

What do you think of the chapter? Are you upset? Honestly, I didn't think it would be this bad...

Write your opinion in the comments❤️❤️❤️