My Boyfriend Is A Geek ✔️

56: We just got away with stealing a bike

                                   ***Hawk***

.

.

.

.

.

‘Things between me and Ria didn’t end because of what she did….’

Gosh, the more I thought back to that, the stronger my urge to bang my head on the wall for being so lame. I’m pretty sure even if Jason had not joined us, I would still not have been able to tell her what I had in mind. I mean, what was with all the roundabout talk? Why couldn’t I just clearly tell her how I felt?

But then again, that wasn’t the right situation to tell her something like that.

I could almost hear my brain screaming: ‘shut up, you liar! Stop using the situation as an excuse.’

And honestly, I couldn’t help agreeing with my brain on this one. 

Since realizing my feelings for Brooke, I'd been having a constant mental battle: to tell her, or not to tell her. Most times, I found myself leaning towards the ‘to tell her’ option. But then, I’d just as quickly pull back whenever I thought of the accompanying question to the option – ‘what was the point?’

Brooke was dating Jason, and she was happy with him. Or was she? I couldn't help thinking back to earlier today, to the momentary panic in her eyes as Jason had leaned in.

Besides, now that I thought about it, she always acted strangely whenever Jason's name popped up in a conversation. Either she'd laugh it off and switch the conversation to another direction, or she'd give a one-liner in reply, after which she'd still divert the conversation.

Then maybe…

Wait, what was I saying? I was probably just over reading meaning into things because of how I felt. 

If she wasn't happy, she wouldn't be with him. Which brought me back to the question: what was the point?

If Brooke was with someone else already, would my telling her of my feelings make any difference? And more importantly, what were the odds that she would even feel the same way I did?

Things would most likely turn awkward, and then forget love, friendship wouldn't even be an option for us.

No, that would be horrible.

So, with that in mind, I was left with the oh-so-enticing option of not telling her.

It was actually the most practical between both options. All I had to do was to never tell Brooke about my feelings. I’d just keep it all in and keep silently loving her from a distance like Rose from that book: ‘Better to Have Loved and Lost.’

god, even in my head that sounded pretty depressing.

But still, compared to telling her only for things to end up turning weird, it was clearly the better option. There’d be no uneasiness, nor loss of friendships. I mean, how great was that, right?

While I was making determined efforts to convince myself of this, trust that sly brain of mine to wonder: ‘but would I really be fine with it though?’

I let out a frustrated cry. “god, I don't even know. This love thing is just so complicated.”

“It really is, son.”

And sure enough, my dad was standing in the doorway, throwing me a patronizing smile.

Uh oh. This was why thoughts weren't meant to be said aloud.