Theodore

b a n a n a

My fingers rub against my lips as the memories flash before my blank eyes. I cannot even believe my heart is still beating fast, like I'm reliving the memory repeatedly. It's almost like a movie where I am the main character, kissing the main male character. Repeatedly, I rewind the memory in my head, trying to see it from all possible angles.

We kissed. We kissed and it felt amazing. Breathtaking, because he actually did take my breath away — when I pulled away for oxygen, Theodore did not hesitate to pull my face back to his and kiss me all over again. It was out of this world; a memory, a moment I'll take with me until the grave. And this journal.

Which is exactly what I'm writing in my journal.

My eyes open and I pick up my pen, writing down many words that flash in my head before I stop and look at my window mindlessly.

I'd kiss him again. Repeatedly. I should have never left. I wish we had kissed earlier so we had the whole day just kissing until it was time for me to come home. Even when he dropped me home, and offered to drop me off at the door, I just couldn't leave. I couldn't. I found myself rounding his car to his side, motioned for him to open his window and I bent down to get more silent but deadly kisses. It was like a craving, a desire I didn't know I had until I ignited it.

I didn't tell him that I liked him back. I should have, but I didn't. Instead, I kissed him until I couldn't anymore, and then walked in the house to find my mother glaring at me, almost as if she knew what happened a few steps away from the front door outside.

I couldn't care. I didn't and I still don't. It's a brand new day, she should have gotten over it at this point. She hasn't greeted me since I got back home, so of course I'm not blown away by her glaring.

Maybe I should call him to tell him I want kisses today? I want to feel him. Gosh how stupid could I have been to tell him that I didn't actually want them? I'm glad he made that promise or I would have never experienced this. I would have never gotten what it felt like to kiss him.

"Gosh, Theodore." I sigh and pick up my pen once again. "You're on my mind and you won't leave!"

My hand flips through the pages. I've journaled a lot in a short amount of time. Maybe I should see a therapist? Get somebody's opinion on my situation? Maybe getting help isn't so much of a bad thing. I don't know.

I haven't even spoken much to my father when I arrived back home. I was meant to call him but I was busy. Busy kissing Theodore but still, that's me being busy. I should call him today. Or even Ma'Angie. Just to tell her I'm fine, and perhaps also checking on Sandile and Andile, and see how they are doing now that I've left them.

I get up from my bed and head towards my small dresser. My eyes look for the necklace my father got me, and I find it by the corner amongst other stuff. It's still in its black small box, and it still looks as good as new as I open it and look at the spotless jewellery.

Maybe I should give this to Theodore? As a gift?

For what, though? Isn't that weird?

I turn my head to the knock on my bedroom door. Papa pops his head in and gives a gentle smile. "Nana, I'm going to get some stuff at the shops. Do you want to come with me?" He looks casually dressed, comfortable too.

I don't feel like being out the house, really, unless it's for Theodore. "No, papa. It's fine. I'm just going to stay. I'm a bit tired too so I might even take a quick nap." Subconsciously, I close the black box and place it where I found it.

"Okay. I'll be back then."

"Bye." I send a small wave and climb my bed as he closes the door half way like he found it.