✓ laundry boy | yang jungwon

45: to

i scoffed, what kind of sick joke is that?

everybody has been so off lately, huh.

why does everyone keep talking like they're out of their minds?

"i saw him two days ago, what do you mean he's not here? in the room, you mean? yes i know he's obviously not in the room. did he move to a different one or what?"

i began talking and talking, asking questions without giving anyone the chance to reply, "can't you just be a bit more specific? don't say he's not here... tell me where, tell me why..."

i felt heeseung slowly put his hand on my shoulder to calm me down, "hisan-"

"don't!" i back away from his touch, immediately feeling guilty after.

i looked to the nurse, "why aren't you saying anything??" i was persistent to get something out of her.

by now, i felt my throat closing up. my nose was getting runny and my eyes started to form tears.

the nurse looked down, "he collapsed, two days ago."

my eyes widened, but i furrowed my brows in confusion, "i was just here two days ago!"

that's when my first tear fell. my tears landed on jungwon's clothes. small wet spots appeared on his clothes that i just washed.

"w-why are you guys so calm? it's because he's still here right? there's nothing to cry about because you guys know he's okay, right?" i began to raise my voice, "so why aren't you reassuring me that he's okay?? why aren't you guys telling me to not cry and to not worry?"

i was confused, why'd they have such blank expressions. heeseung wasn't asking her anything, why?

"heeseung..." i sobbed.

he just brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, "just stop, hisano." he sighed, furrowing his brows. he seemed worried as well, maybe he's just better at hiding it.

"please, miss. he's still alive, right?" i asked, my voice breaking in between.

i hated the thought of even asking that question.

"i'll try and see if you can see him, if he's here, that is. just give us some time." she sighed, "i'm sure we informed his family the day he collapsed... what are you guys to him?" she asked.

heeseung gritted his teeth, "does that matter right now? can't you tell how important he is to us?"

the nurse nodded, guilty, "you're right. i'm sorry, i'll let you guys know if and when you can see him. just take a seat." she said, turning around and quickly leaving to speak to another worker.

she didn't answer my question if he's alive or not, i just had to hope.

hope, will bring us our next time.

i realized something just at that moment.

that day i visited him, he asked me,

'have i loved you enough?'

i wondered why he asked me that.

when he asked that question, i answered with a yes.

and when i was about to ask why he asked that question, he never told me.

i never got to know the reason.

the nurse shortly came back and told us that the wait will be about 30 minutes.

i was a bit annoyed, because she made me so worried that i cried. and now she's making me wait?

whatever.

i told heeseung that i was just going to the hospital lunch area, to get food. he just nodded and said that he'll wait for me here. i brought jungwon's clothes with me for some reason.

i lied to heeseung, i actually secretly had an adventure and found an elevator. i pressed the button to the highest floor, hoping it'd be a rooftop.

it was just another floor, but i walked down the hallways until i reached the end.

there, i saw a door with 'rooftop' labeled on it and an arrow pointing up. it revealed a set of staircases, leading all the way up to the roof.

i pushed the last doors open and felt the breeze hit my face.

it reminded me of that night when jungwon brought me up to the roof of the laundromat.

i miss it.

i miss it all.

the skies were dark that night. but so beautiful. the stars shimmered so brightly that i remember it vividly.

how can something so dark, feel so lightening, and happy?

right now, the skies were bright. a bit blue and sunny.

but it doesn't feel nice at all.

it feels gloomy, and dull.

why is that? is it just today?

i walked towards the edge of the rooftop, there were railings, of course. i leaned on them and stared off into the distance.

i thought back to that day i visited him. the fact that i never got to know the reason behind his question.

but maybe i can figure it out on my own.

why else would he ask me that, and then all of a sudden, this happens?

i told him yes, you have loved me enough.

but at a time like this, i wish i had said something else.

if i had said something else, would he still be fine right now?

did he ask, because he knew this would happen?

i began to cry.

if only i knew, then i would say something else. but i was scared, so i told him something else.

but it was a lie, jungwon.

"i lied, i lied a lot." i muttered to myself. "i'm sorry."

i dug in my pockets in hopes of finding a handkerchief, but to my surprise, i felt the journal.

i immediately took it out and flipped through the pages. the most recent page had one word on it.

- hisano

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