✓ laundry boy | yang jungwon

42: forever

hisano

"you have." i said, his eyes flickering down to my lips.

why did he stare at me like that?

i felt so small.

we weren't on the same level.

why did i suddenly feel a bit scared?

me... scared of him?

jungwon, i wanted to hug you.

but i'm hesitant to do so when you stare at me like that.

his adam's apple moved whenever he gulped, making me even more uncomfortable.

what i didn't know, was why he asked me that question.

was i jumping to conclusions? i felt as if he was going to do something different...

he probably asked because he felt like he hasn't done enough. but he's done more than enough, i wanted to tell him that.

if he thought that he didn't love me enough, then he was wrong. because he's loved me just right, the right amount.

so he didn't have to do whatever i thought he was going to do...

we are friends. you don't have to do this, jungwon.

jungwon

why did she look so... scared?

i hated that look on her. she had eyes filled with fear when she looked at me.

at me...?

for the first time, i felt scared too because of her.

what did she think i was going to do?

did she interpret my question in the wrong way?

she finally got the words out of her mouth after what felt like years of preparing,

"y-you have. you have, jungwon-"

she stared at me and stopped her sentence when she noticed my eyes watering. she just repeated the same answer again to reassure me.

i have?

"is that so." i whispered to myself, my arms slowly weakening.

that's good jungwon.

you did good.

i couldn't feel any energy in my body. so i had no choice but to slowly drop on her.

she quietly gasped, i was laying on top of her now, like we were hugging.

my fingers, they were intertwined with hers.

i didn't even notice i did that.

is it possible to not squeeze your tears out? to keep a relaxed expression on as tears kept falling?

well, it's possible now.

because even if my face had no sign of emotion, there were still tears flowing.

and i couldn't stop it.

"jungwon..." she muttered.

i didn't want to say anything back, but i did anyway, "don't." i said, "it hurts to move."

"what? huh? are you okay??" she asked, slightly panicking.

i added so much worry into her life.

"i scared you, didn't i? i wish i could get off you but i can't..."

her hands travelled up my back, one stopped and the other went up to the back of my head. she played with my hair so lovingly.

she's always doing this.

these actions, they are always so genuine.

that's why i asked, because i felt like i can't do it like her.

she'll hug me so naturally, say such caring things out of the blue without realizing.

hisano deserves someone who can be there for her, at all times whenever she needs it.

she played a role that i thought i was meant to play.

wasn't it supposed to be me worrying for her? taking her out to places to make her happy? me saving her?

i've hidden it well enough. the pain.

because all i wanted to show her was how much she made made me happy, after all this time.

because like you said, you'll save me.

and you did.

but now, at a time that's so critical and life changing,

you don't have to save me this time.

my cries were getting a bit louder and i didn't notice. my quiet weeping wasn't that quiet and my tears were falling endlessly.

"shh." she sniffled.

i looked up, surprised when i heard her sniffle. her eyes were a bit watery but she wasn't crying.

she looked at me as well, she seemed compelled to do so. maybe because she didn't want me to see her almost breaking her promise

i got up, slowly letting go of her embrace.

she sat up as well and held my hand, "i was a bit scared." she admitted, "but it's jungwon."

i stood still, trying to process what she meant.

"and for jungwon, it doesn't matter what you do to me." she smiled weakly.

my eyes widened.

don't tell me...

"no." i quickly took her in my arms again and hugged her, "i just missed you so much, i didn't mean it like that." i muttered.

"i'm sorry." she whispered, hugging me back.

"for?"

"thinking that you'd do something scary."

i kissed her head, "don't be. i'm sorry for making you feel that way."

i sighed, "i just..."

i couldn't finish my sentence, but i wanted to tell her why i asked.

it was because, i didn't know if i loved her enough with the little amount of time we spent together.

the little amount of time that we only had.

♡