✓ laundry boy | yang jungwon

15: swim

(tw)

"i think i'm starting to learn more about you."

he started to remember why he stopped interacting with people. why he stopped speaking to others outside of his house,

why he didn't want hisano to get close with him.

the days after his mom's passing, he remembered sitting against the door of his mom's bedroom. it was right before they had to get rid of things since he was now alone.

he had to figure out how to live alone, or who will take care of him.

he had to figure out what to take and what to throw away, how to be responsible. his mom was his only guardian and then she just died.

so, before moving day, he sat in her bedroom and stared at everything closely. there wasn't any emotion in his eyes, probably used it all up at the hospital.

it was messy, it reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. but it had a faint womanly scent of perfume.

he stared blankly at the clothes on the floor, he remembered his mom's words about laundry.

he scoffed and stood up, limping from his leg that went numb after sitting on it for too long.

first, he approached her dresser. it had her make-up and perfumes on it. there were jewelry boxes with open slots and parts broken off of it.

nail polish stained the top of the dresser as well. there was a mirror there too.

pictures of her from way back were all over the corners of the mirror. he'd observe them closely and collect them in his pocket.

he collected a lot of things from her room so they didn't have to throw it away. including his mother's clothes.

turning around to see the clothes that were on the floor, it bothered him, so he picked it up and tossed it on the bed. then, he directed his attention back to the dresser.

there were random razor blades sitting near the jewelry box, he must've missed it.

"i'd rather kill myself than do laundry." he murmured, reaching for the blade.

he didn't plan on doing anything. he just harmlessly stared at it and wondered what was so amusing about death.

what was his mom thinking about before she attempted?

after a few days, he started to understand why people thought about death. he even found himself thinking about death all day. it fogged up everything else in his mind.

and soon enough, he began to plan things. where and when he'd like to die, if it's going to be painful or quick.

and so he stopped talking to everyone, he rarely spoke to heeseung as well. not like anyone would care if he died anyway.

he just didn't want to get close to anybody.

because then, death would definitely be painful.

-

he heard that one sentence and he started to panic, "uh, i think i'm gonna go." he stood up.