blindness

²¹ does it end?

(unedited)

You didn't wait for the next day. You couldn't. You had to tell Jean everything, and apologize to him.

After all of your lessons were done, you went straight to his dorm. Just before he got to close and lock the door, you step inside.

(play everything i wanted by billie eilish till very end cuz it makes it better)

"Jean let me talk..."
"Oh nah. I fucking thought you would understand something. I fucking told you everything. I just can't believe you used her for her body..." He whispered the last part to him, so you didn't get a chance to hear it out loud.

"I'm sorry... Jean." You were looking down, knowing how mad he is. "If you were really sorry you would've never done that... You knew I still loved her and you did this; I can't even believe you anymore!" He was yelling, which made you scared a little bit.

You never thought it would come down to this. You loved Jean and you knew he still loved Mikasa; but you finally felt happy.

"I'm sorry okay. I said it hundreds times and you still don't fucking understand shit." You yelled back at him.
"Oh tell me what do I don't understand here Y/n?" He came closer to you.

"Sure let's go like this; I'm sorry that I finally felt happy in my shitty life without taking any drugs or smoking twenty packs of cigarettes; Sorry that I fell in love with someone who I never thought I would; Sorry that you are such a cunt that can't understand anything." You yelled at his face, not holding back.

"Oh so you're the one who has such a hard life, not doing anything all the fucking time and coming here just telling me this shit cuz you have nothing else to say... Is that it? Is this the way of you trying to get out of this situation? I feel sorry for your lying; You falling in love with, who, Mikasa? You were just looking for sex you bitch. You are so selfish that it's impossible for you to think of others. You just have to have everything for yourself, isn't that right?"

You were on the edge of crying. Your best friend, from when you were children, said all of this to you.

"I thought we are friends..." You felt a tear leaving your eye. "Not anymore Y/n. You and your drug addiction is the only thing you have in your life to talk about. You just have to come into someone's conversation just about yourself. You don't even think about what others have to say."

That hurts... too much. "I listen... to others."

"NO YOU DON'T."

You felt like you were falling into a deep hole with no ending. "If we were ever friends... you would've never done this to me." He stopped yelling for a moment.

"If we were ever friends... you wouldn't use my addiction in this. It has nothing to do with this." You hated when people would use something sensitive like this in the arguments to fight it off and win.

"You know that I would never bring something that hurts you into any argument; just to throw you under the bus. I would've never done this to you. I was always nice friend;

ALWAYS. AND I ALWAYS LISTENED; EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T CARE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THE PERSON TELLING ME THAT, SAID IT TO ME BECAUSE THEY TRUST ME WITH IT. EVEN IF IT'S NOT ANY TRAUMA OR SHIT; I ALWAYS LISTEN."

"THEN WHY WERE YOU WITH MIKASA?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER."

You couldn't deny it. You loved that girl too much. You didn't even wanted to keeo things in a secret... You wanted to show how much you loved her and how much she meant to you.

"I fucking love her; just like you." It took you a little to catch your breath, then you continued.

"Every time when we would talk I would just stop with the conversation, leaving her behind; because I was thinking about you. And how would you feel about it and what would you think about it..." You were remembering the first time she kissed you.