blindness

³ lies

(unedited)

For the sake of God, why is this party so boring? How can you have fun here? It's so dead and yet it's only six o'clock. Only good thing here is the smell of those cigarettes in the air. Ah, the smell of Winston and Marlboro. So good.

You take a good breath inside before getting up from the sofa where you were laying with your whole body.

Jean got away the second he got inside Bertholdt's house. You didn't have any contact with him since then. You saw Reiner and Pieck with each other and you also saw Connie stopping Sasha from drinking any more of the Vodka.

It was so boring how everyone was having fun and you were just walking around the house to see if there was any free room left. Of course there's not. But why is everyone having sex right now? Night still didn't drop down.

It was weird to go on a party at this time. Everyone was having some kind of fun, even those 'cute couples' who would play a game 'i love you more'. Uh, this reminds me of middle school. How embarrassing.

You didn't have any other thoughts then that. You were only waiting for night to come down so thag you could make some money from those pills.

"Oi, Y/N!" you heard a voice on your left as you walked on the balcony. "Annie? What are you doing here? I thought you didn't like parties." You sat down next to her.

"I could say same to you too. I just came here for Hitch. She didn't want to go alone, but then she just left with those other guys there. You?" She looked at you as she stopped with her story.

"I came for Jean. Mostly everything same here for me too. I didn't see him any after when we came here." You end conversion as you take a cigarette out of your pocket.

"Please don't smoke." Shd says as she puts your hand down in which you were holding a cigarette.

Annie was serious about it and when she's serious it's real. You put a cigarette back into your jacket pocket and just sit there in silence sith her.

"So did you stop taking drugs?" Annie finally broke the awkward silence between the two of you.

How does everyone know this? Reiner and Jean wouldn't tell anybody about that. It was a very formal question for you in these two days from when you came here again.

"Yeah... I did." You say as you start nodding your head in the embarrassed way because you just lied to her.

You never really knew Annie personally, it was all through Jean. She sas always quite person who looked so dead inside.

You didn't like ths idea of everyone remembering you from that kind of thing. You hated when anyone would remind you about those old days, even when Jean would do so. You wouldn't mind punching him in the face.

In some way you felt like Annie knew you were lying. Even though you lied, you aren't taking as much as before. Sometimes it makes your cloudy days shine with the light of the sun. And sometimes you just take them so you could finally fall asleep.

It was hard dealing with that kind of things and still taking them. You did tell that even to Jean nor your brother Reiner.

Because if you told them, they would instantly take it all from you and burn it to hell. As much as you hated those pills, they gave you some kind of happiness at the very end.

"Really? It was that easy to get off of them?" Annie asked. "No..." you stared again as you zoomed out. "It was hard. There were very hard days for me, but Jean helped so, now I am not taking them."

You could finally move your eyes to somewhere else. "Ah, I gotta go now," you saw that now the night was dominating the sky. It was time for your dear business.

You were still twice thinking your decision. Do you really want to make someone's like bad only so yours could be better?

You didn't want people to be like you, but if you do this right now there is no coming back on the right path. I have to think of myself. I wanna be happy with that money and buy myself something even better then those pills.

You felt like you were stuck somewhere with no end. Were you hallucinating? While still being blinded by that place with no end you find yourself into the living room.

Already all those drunk kids who didn't think twice about taking another shot. What's a difference if they are already drunk? It's not going to be my fault right?

You saw Jean and Reiner being one of those drunk people. The two guys who helped you to get over that addiction of yours and still you would do a thing like this.

After they spent months and months taking care of you, sleeping next to you only so you could be free from that feeling of drugs taking over your body.

What am I going to do now? I don't know who else could take them? What if someone finds out?

There was millions of questions you thought about at these few minutes of just walking down into the living room. Do you really want your friends to end up like you?

Maybe I can just give some to kids I don't know. That is quite fine right? They won't know me either and I won't end up doing some bad shit like always.

You could feel from across the room someone's eyes being layed on you. Those dark eyes were layed at you once again. It was her look. That same look from before. The look that could make you feel blindness.

That dark hair touching her shoulders. In that tight dress that looked so much different from everyone else's.

She was in the middle of the room, dancing and having fun. What if she saw you selling drugs only for your own better feeling?

Why am I thinking about this? She's such a bad person. She cannot effect my decision and neither can anyone. I am going to do this, the way I wanted it. Only to those who I don't know.