Rejected, But Life goes on...

21...

~Re-cap~

Laughing and almost chocking, I finally manage to swallow. “You know you love it.” I winked at him. 

“Dam it.” He groaned making me laugh again. Uh oh, I’m in trouble already…

*

Even though I had slept away most of the day, I still felt exhausted. To be honest I just wanted to stay up and talk with James, he was so funny making me laugh. My cheeks were stating to hurt because of it, but, sadly eating all that food didn’t help. Lucky for James was always hungry and finished the rest for me and nothing went to waste, but I don’t think anyone would have mind if it did. 

“ James, I am not ready to go to bed yet, do you want to get dressed and go somewhere? Maybe to the park?” This should help me stay up, besides it would be good to get out of the house and maybe for once not have a nervous break down. 

“Babe, are you sure? You still look pretty tired, going to the park can wait until tomorrow.” 

“No, it can’t wait. I want to go now, it’ll get to hot later on and to crowded. I want to be able to enjoy it, and not feel all sticky and sweaty.” 

“Alright Love, get your beautiful a$$ up and get ready, I hope you like the swings, cause we’re defiantly going on those, oh wait can pregnant people get on swings? That can‘t be to comfortable…” 

“It’s fine by me, I love the swings. Besides if it get to uncomfortable we could always do something else. I need to have as mush fun as I can now before I hit the sixth months of the pregnancy. I’ve heard the last three are the worse months of the all nine.”

“Wait, really? What’s worse then having morning sickness and not being able to eat the foods you use to love?” 

“I’m not sure what can be worse, but we’ll find out in a few weeks, now won’t we?” 

“Yes, we will.” He smile at me, and I walk off to get ready for the park. 

*

When we got there all of my exhaustion had disappeared.  It has been years since I was actually at a park to have some fun. I was ecstatic to go on the swings and maybe even the slides! I turned around to see James staring at me with a cheesy grin on his face. “What?” I asked still smiling with excitement. 

“Your seriously this excited over an oversized cat box and some toys?”

“Well jeez when you put it that way…Yes! This place brings back lots of memories at the park with my parents. My dad worked a lot when I was little, so he brought me to the park whenever he could and he’d push me on the swings. I loved it, and It always makes me miss being a little kid.”

“I know exactly what you mean there. Being the Alphas son doesn’t exactly mean you get more attention then the rest of the pack. It means you get less. He has always paid more attention to the pack, but we’d go to the park at least once a week, we would talk, we would play sports, anything, and it was the best, those were my best memories.” he said smiling. “I’m hoping to make more with you.” 

That last part had my heart racing, but I didn’t show him how much that affected me. “When my son is born, I want to be different, I want to always be there for my child, I have always want to be a stay at home mom. To see everything that happens in the first few years of his life.” 

“I understand what you mean. I’d want to be there, not just for one day a week, but every chance that I got. I know once I’m Alpha I’ll have to give a lot of me to the pack, but I’ll be a father too.”  as he said this he was look me straight in the eye. It had me going light headed because I had stopped breathing. I felt as thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. 

I just smiled at him and looked the other way. We fell into a comfortable silence, once we were out the car and walking to the swings, we stayed silent. 

Being alone with him at the park was interesting, and so was being on the swings with my big pregnant belly. I wasn’t use to being this happy for a long time, and I wasn’t use to having a baby in my tummy. I guess everything is different now. Not having Nick  here, not hating James for rejecting me, or feeling the pain from it. I guess the biggest surprise would be seeing how much of a help he has been.  

“Lilly,” James said, interrupting the silence we have been in. “Why did you try to run from me? Did I do something, or say something?” Oh right I never really explained to him why I ran, but I don’t really want to, will he let side, or should I give him a small speck of the truth so he’ll be satisfied? 

Looking into those eyes told me that he deserved some sort of explanation. Even though I said something like it before, hopefully he wont remember though. “I just felt like…I couldn’t do it. Like I could not be happy while the father of my child isn’t here,…” Should I say it, should I say what’s also on my mind? “ And I…also felt that it would be easier to do this on my own, without the fear of me actually falling for you, and then you just packing up and leaving me, broken, again. I have already lost my husband, while still sufering from the pain of your first rejection, there is no way in hell I can take another hit like that.” Oh God I shouldn’t have said that.

“Dam,” he said.

I didn’t want to look at him, I couldn‘t just yet. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. Some people think having someone mad at you sucks, try having the guy your suppose to be with, disappointed in you…yeah it’s not fun. 

“Lilly look at me.”

“I can’t”

“Please?”

“Do I have too?” 

“For what I’m about to say, it would be nice to be able to look into your eyes.” 

“Finnne.” I said like a winy little kid. 

When I looked up he was smiling and had amusement in his eyes. “I am correct, and I believe I am, we have already talked about this.” Dam it! “does it really bothering you that I’m here and not Nick? I thought I was making you happy…or is it really the second part? Are you honestly scared that I’m going to leave you?…Both of you?” 

Why in the hell is he so smart!? I though cops were suppose to be dumb…oh wait he’s S.W.A.T. Why does he understand me so easily? How did he see though me, see that I did not want to give him the chance?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

I know I haven't posted in months but I was dying of writers block, I still hope you enjoy this chpter! please vote/commet/continue to show me your support! <3