Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)

17 - the truth

"Hey Aleksi can I... I mean we" I pointed back and forth between me and Joel "talk to you for a second?" I hated to interrupt him while he was carelessly dancing and sipping on his beer. He looked so joyful, so happy, like he had forgotten about the pain that I caused him to feel. And now I would put him through hell again, once the words of the unspeakable truth would leave my lips.

Once Aleksi would know about what was going on between me and Joel things could never go back to the way they were. But it was for the best.

He deserved to know the truth. I couldn't bear to continue to lie to such a precious soul.

Aleksi only wanted the best for me, always. And this was how I thanked him? By lying straight to his face everyday pretending like I wasn't a bad friend? All this had to come to an end now.

"Uhhh yeah sure. Should we go outside? I can barely hear you in here." Aleksi's cheerful yelling was followed by a genuine laugh. I just wished his laugh would had lasted a little longer. This was probably the last heart warming laugh I would hear from the black haired one for a while.

"Yes." I nodded and the three of us proceeded to walk outside. On the way out a lot of persons bumped into us, they were all intoxicated and imprudent.

It was frighteningly silent once we had stepped outside. Only the distant sound of muffled music filled the air. The cold air of the night was refreshing to breathe in but nothing could alleviate my nervousness right now. I was really scared of what would happen once I broke the silence.

"So what's up? I see you two seem to be finally getting along? That's really nice to see." Aleksi took a sip of his beer. His innocent eyes kept shifting between Joel and me.

It hurted so much to know that Aleksi's intention had been so pure from the very start until now. All he wanted was to see us all get along.

I guess he wished he hadn't been so keen on me and Joel being more friendly to each other if he knew what that had ultimately led to.

I was confronted with the fact that the blonde man made me feel things I shouldn't when I looked at him, things that I wished I could feel for Aleksi.

"Well about that..." I really should have thought about how to phrase my words earlier. I had so many thoughts in my mind that I wanted to express but I just didn't know how. Not a single word could describe the way I felt.

"You can still back out, just saying." Joel's comment  did not help the situation at all. I was already struggling enough, I really didn't need that foolish attitude that was coming from him ontop of all that aswell. "Joel can you keep your mouth shut for once?"

I had decided that I would tell Aleksi the truth and there was nothing that could stop me to do so.

"Just tell me what's going on. You're scaring me now." Aleksi said a little confused but still with a friendly smile on his face. That beautiful smile. I just wanted to see it one more time because I feared that he would never smile at me like this again.

"I don't really know how to put this but... maybe Joel and I are getting along a little too well..." I swallowed.

Aleksi however didn't seem to understand what I had been trying to imply with these few words. That smile of his still hadn't disappeared from his lips yet. "I don't understand. What do you mean?" The black haired boy seemed more and more confused. Or maybe he just didn't want to accept the truth until it had been clearly said out loud.

"Naomi no one gets your cryptic nonsense." Joel threw in and scoffed at my attempt of confessing to Aleksi that I had went behind his back just so ruthlessly.