The next morning I was torn out of sleep by a loud rattling noise. I woke up with a slight headache that day and blamed Joel for it because after all he had been the one to force that bitter liquid down my throat. I was also pretty tired, given the fact that we were in studio until the early morning hours, waiting for the storm to pass.
"What was that? Is everything okay?" I stepped out of my room and watched how Aleksi collected pieces from a broken dish from the kitchen floor. "Everything's fine, I just dropped one of the plates." Aleksi answered and let out a painful noise when he accidentally cut himself with the sharp edge on one of the shards. Immediately blood started dripping down his right hand, creating little red spots on the kitchen floor.
"Aleksi you have to be careful!" I quickly grabbed the kitchen towel that was laying on the kitchen counter and started to wrap it around his wounded hand to apply pressure and stop the bleeding. I held his hands in both of mine and looked at his right hand in concern as I watched how the white cotton slowly turned red from his blood.
"Naomi why are you so distant lately?" Aleksi layed his other hand ontop of mine. I could feel his piercing blue eyes looking at me, yet I didn't dare to look back in the black haired boy's face.
The last few hours I had practically avoided Aleksi. Even on the ride home I called Joonas just so I wouldn't have to sit with him in silence. I was scared of the conversation that Aleksi and I were now about to have and tried to delay it as much as I could but in the end I knew that that conversation was inevitable.
If I didn't tell Aleksi the truth, it would not only destroy him but me aswell. Every single time I looked at him I felt guilty to the bone, so afraid was I of hurting him again. And I couldn't bear the thought of causing him pain.
"Aleksi I-" I started my sentence but hadn't really thought about how to put my feelings and thoughts into words, so I turned into a stuttering mess. "I don't know h-how to tell you this I-" I really tried to pull myself together but I was feeling like the air had been removed from my lungs and had to take a long, deep breath every few seconds to prevent the feeling of suffocating.
"As much as I want to love you Aleksi, I don't really think I can. At least not right now. I wish I could just have the same feelings for you that you have for me but... I think maybe I never will." I brought up breathless and looked right into his beautiful blue eyes. I could see the hurt they were reflecting once these few words left my lips.
And that hurted me, it hurted me so much that I had a hard time not tearing up infront of the boy with the fluffy black hair, that was covering his face now that he looked down at the dark red spots of blood on the kitchen floor.
"I guess we're just gonna go back to being good friends for now then." His voice was shaking and that was tearing me apart even more. I knew how painful my words must have been for him in that moment but I also knew that it would have hurted him a lot more if I had kept my mouth shut even longer about how I truly felt.
"Aleksi I am so sorry." I wrapped my arms around the black haired boy and leaned against his chest, so that he wouldn't see that a few hot, salty tears were running down my cheeks.
"It's not your fault Naomi. Thank you for being honest with me." I knew that Aleksi tried to really mean the words he was saying, still I could hear the pain and anger in his voice that left me feeling even more guilty.
Especially because I wasn't sure if I was really being that honest with him. I hadn't exactly lied to him but I withheld a good amount of information that involved Joel.
I didn't want to drag the older one into this mess too, when this alone was already too much for me and Aleksi to deal with.
My roommate didn't need to know that his best friend was part of the reason I was by now assured I didn't feel a thing for him.
Joel was the one that continiously forced me to confront myself with the feelings I had or had not towards Aleksi. He was the one that made me feel things when I looked at him that Aleksi just couldn't. I truly hated myself for feeling that way and I would make sure to never let these feelings get to the surface, ever.
"Naomi you're suffocating me." Aleksi brought up struggling and I only now noticed how tight I had been holding onto him the whole time. I just wanted that comfortable feeling I had while laying in his arms to last forever so I knew that everything would be okay. "Sorry." I mumbled and stepped away, not really knowing how to act. I just hoped we could interact with each other normally, that it wouldn't be weird talking to him now.
"So Joonas told me you two are meeting at his place today?" The sudden change in conversation didn't feel very natural but at least I could see how the hurt in Aleksi's eyes faded away bit by bit. "Yes I'm gonna go over to his place now, why?" I asked nervously and started to crack my fingers, which I only did in situations I felt really uncomfortable in.
"Could you take this with you and drop it off with Joel?" Aleksi pointed at a box that he had placed on the dining table. From what I could make out Aleksi put all his old equipment in there. His old drum machine, the old microphone, even his first amplifier. "Joel? No I'm meeting up with Joonas, remeber?" I said assuming that he had just mixed up the two names of his best friends for some unexplained reason.
"Oh, you don't know, right? Joonas and Joel are neighbours, they live in the same building. Joel lives only two floors above Joonas, their apartments even have the same floor plan." Aleksi explained and now everything seemed much clearer to me.
"Ohh, no I didn't know that. I guess I could give your box to Joel then." Secretly Aleksi's request went against the grain with me.
I had so many reasons why I could not bear to see Joel again after the things that had been going down last night. After Joel was able to put me into a comprimising situation multiple times that evening I was afraid of what he would do next. I was afraid I couldn't keep him at distance.
But it was only a stupid box that I had to deliver to him, that situation would be over in a matter of seconds. Also I knew how much Aleksi wanted to see Joel and me get along, if I would have said no Aleksi would have probably asked me all kinds of questions about the relationship I had to the blonde man and I wanted to escape that scenario at all costs.
"Thank you Naomi, I owe you. Have fun with Joonas and don't do anything stupid, he always has the most ridiculous ideas." Aleksi picked up the box from the dining table and handed it over to me.
He smiled. I saw a little smile on his lips again, that was priceless to me.
"Thanks. I think we will have a lot of fun, I'm truly up for anything today." I answered and soon found myself walking down the road with Aleksi's box in one and my phone that I used as a navigation system to find the address Joonas had sent me in my other hand. It took me a lot longer than I expected until I finally stood infront of the right building and spotted the nameplate that had the name "Porko" on it by the doorbell. Right above was the nameplate with the name "Hokka" engraved in it, but I decided to press the button next to where Joonas' last name was standing first.
After a few seconds a loud noise sounded through the little speaker on the wall and I was able to press the front door open and get inside.
"I'm right here." Joonas waved at me from a little above with a big grin on his face.
Author's note:
Writing that chapter was a little painful ngl. This time I am even uploading a little earlier (It's still kind of late tho lmaoo.)
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Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)
Fanfiction❝ Doesn't it scare you? The things that we both do I am just like you We're meant to be necessary tragedies Enemies with benefits ❞ Her past had led her here, Naomi knew that. This path had been layed out for her by the universe far befo...
