Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)

16 - not fair

I had been sitting on that sink for at least ten minutes since Joel left me behind, staring into the black emptiness when I distantly heard how the door to the bathrooms was opened.

"Naomi are you there? Did you fall into the toilet?" It was Joonas' voice that made me snap back to reality again. The Finish man with the blonde fluffy hair looked at me in confusion when he stepped inside and saw that I was sitting ontop of the bathroom sink.

"What on earth are you doing? Come on we're all waiting for you." Joonas grabbed my wrist, pulling me down from the sink.

I couldn't exactly tell him why he found me in that exact position, not if I didn't want to disappoint the kind one again. It would make Joonas completely furious if he knew I had been stupid enough to let Joel get close to me again.

I could already hear Joonas do another monologue about how I should stay away from Joel and that I would only end up hurting myself if I kept letting him get this near to me. Of course I deserved to hear these words, they were nothing but the truth, but the last few days had been so draining that I tried to delay the next confrontation as much as possible.

"1bar. End of discussion." I could hear Niko say when Joonas and I got back to the rest of the group, who had appparently been waiting for us outside the studio for the past couple minutes. I could feel my cheeks heat up when I saw how every single pair of eyes was resting on me. They didn't give me any unpleasent looks but I still felt uncomfortable with being the center of attention because somehow it was always the negative kind.

"Oh right, you guys wanted to grab some drinks." I had already forgotten that today included this kind of activity and to be honest after everything that happened I wasn't really in the mood for a night out with the boys. The last time I had touched alcohol teached me that I couldn't handle the liquor as well as I thought I could. The memory of Joel forcing pure whisky down my throat still made me want to throw up. "Yes and you're coming with us, no excuses." Joonas layed his hand on my shoulder and looked at me insitently.

I gave in because I really had no strength
to argue with Joonas and also I was hoping that a night out with the boys would maybe distract me from all my loud thoughts that were tormenting my mind. At least for only a few hours.

Then again how could I be able to distract myself from my thoughts when the root of them was sitting right next to me at the table? It was the damnedest thing, as much as I tried to escape the trouble somehow I was sinking deeper and deeper into it, with every day that passed.

"I really can't watch you drown in self-pity any longer. Here, it's on me." Joonas was struggling to carry seven glasses at once, as he had made it his purpose to get drinks for all of us. Maybe he had overestimated himself but luckily he managed to get everything to our table safely. To be honest it was a miracle that nothing got broken.

I had literally no idea what it was that Joonas had ordered for me, I just knew that it tasted a little disgusting when I took a few sips and immediately had to cough. At least it would get the job done and by that I meant getting me drunk so I could finally take my mind off things.

While the guys were chatting lively, growling through the loud music and Joonas fulfilled his purpose of being the alcoholic of the group, ordering one drink after another, I just sat there totally apathetic. I felt totally out of place.

What on earth was I doing here?

I felt so guilty sitting together with the six of them, pretending like everything was alright. I was creating differences between them, Aleksi's jealousy would only the beginning.

I was the problem and if I didn't step away everything would get out of hand.

But how could I?