I can't exactly recall how long it took until Joel pulled into the parking lot of finnvox studios but it felt like an entire eternity.
I found myself banging on the front door, shivering enourmously as a strong gust of wind was hitting me while the pelting rain was still pouring down from above.
I was cold, I was tired and above all I was drained of energy.
Finally the door was being opened from the inside and immediately Joel and I stumbled inside. A feeling of happiness and relief overcame me once I saw all those familiar faces again that looked at us in concern. "Are you okay?" Aleksi immediately came up to me, pulling me into a long, tight hug. A comfortable warmth started to spread in me. "Yes I'm fine." I answered quietly while resting in his arms for a few moments.
I could sense that he had been worried sick by the way he held onto me like he did when we first saw each other after years of being apart.
Just now I noticed that the room was completely dark. Apparently the storm had damaged the power lines all around Oulu.
"I'm afraid we don't have a blanket or anything for you to get warm but we sure have some whisky left. That will work aswell right?" Niko asked and waved a big glass bottle in front of my eyes.
Drinking wasn't exactly the worst idea right now. After being forced to spend what felt like hours in that car with Joel fighting through the storm, a few sips of whisky really couldn't hurt me. In fact I was desparate to drown my sorrows so I eagerly grabbed the bottle from Niko and proceeded to throw my head back to feel the warm burning liquor run down my throat. I kept downing the alcohol until I violently started to cough because of the evil taste that was spreading in my mouth.
"You can't give that to her Niko, whisky is nothing for barely legal teens." Joel remarked sarcastically and ripped the bottle from me before I could say or do anything further. It seemed like everything was back to normal again, the blonde haired guy used every single opportunity he saw to mock me infront of the others. Joel put the bottle to his lips, starting to swallow the pungent smelling liquid without showing any kind of reaction. He seemed to be totally unbothered by the burning liquid and was downing it like water.
I caught myself staring at what I could make out of him through the darkness that filled the room once again. There was something about his tall figure, his loud nature and his words that always drew my attention back to him no matter how hard I tried to ignore the blonde one.
I turned away in shame as I was realizing who my eyes had been fixiated on. Again I was thinking how I should be racking my brains about how to handle the situation I had gotten Aleksi and myself into.
After hearing Joel's brutal words that he threw at me just so carelessly when we had been sitting in the car together, I just knew I couldn't keep going like this.
The longer I waited to tell Aleksi that right now I had nothing in me that indicated I felt different about the black haired one, the more I would end up hurting him if he found out. But as much as I tried to bring myself to speak up, I just couldn't. I somehow couldn't tell Aleksi.
Maybe I was lying to myself thinking once again that I just needed to give us a little more time and everything would magically fall into place. But I wanted to believe that lie. I wanted to believe and live that lie at any cost.
My abominable thoughts were draining me more than ever, so much that I decided to distance myself from everyone once again. This time the adjacented recording room had to be enough to withdraw myself because I could hardly go for another walk outside, at least if I didn't want to get myself killed out there.
My mind was going through all kinds of possible scenarios. In each and everyone of them Aleksi ended up getting hurt. Slowly but surely I had to admit, that there was no easy way out of this situation, no matter what I did or didn't do.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and drink the rest of this bottle before I do." I suddenly percieved Joel's determined voice behind me. I could constantly hear the other boys talk in the room next to us but completely blocked out their voices once Joel started speaking.
Why was it everytime I was in the middle of figuring out my feelings for Aleksi he interrupted me, captivating me with his intense look and his dark voice? It was almost like he purposely distracted me because he knew exactly what was going on inside my mind.
"I thought whisky isn't for 'barely legal teens'." I answered and tried to make out the blonde mans silhouette through the darkness my eyes still had to adjust to. "Well I changed my mind." Joel stepped closer. I could still hardly see him but the strong smell of manly perfume, black leather and whisky started to hypnotize me when he stepped closer to put the bottle up to my mouth.
Joel ran the fingers of his free hand from my neck up to my scalp, immediately causing me to shiver when he closed his fingers and roughly pulled my head back while forcing the burning liquid down my throat. Feeling his sudden grip on the back of my head caught me so off guard that it was too late for me to fight back against the actions of the blonde man. I had no other choice than to bravely swallow the rest of the burning liquid until the bottle was empty if I didn't want to make a mess.
"See all you needed was a little reinforcement." Joel said cheekily and put the bottle to the side. I was staring right into that prominent eyes of his that looked even more deadly in the prevailing state of darkness. His messy blonde hair covered parts of his face and I thought I saw his lips forming a subtle smirk.
"Okay, I really should stop drinking." I gasped for air and had to calm collect myself for a few moments after he had removed the bottle from my mouth. My stomach was turning slightly sick at the amount of whisky Joel made me drink in one go. His fingers were still tangled in my hair pulling my head back. I was forced to look up at him constantly and it was torturing me.
"Why? Are you afraid of losing control? Are you afraid of letting me get close?" He hissed while looking me up and down and pulling my head back even further.
This was the moment my body was put on alert. It told me that I should step away, push him away, just do something to get out of this situation before it was too late. But I couldn't. The desire of exploring what emotions were hiding behind all that hatred I felt towards him made me somehow not want to do any of those things.
Joel slowly bent down until his face only was a few inches away from mine. I could feel the tension between us build enourmously when he removed his fingers from the back of my head, slowly running his fingertips along the crook of my neck, causing me to swallow as I felt a rush of adrenaline travel through my body.
Joel placed his hand around my throat, pulling my face even closer up to his, forcing me to stand on my tiptoes. I gasped for air as his lips were so close to mine I could almost taste them.
"Look at you. You're so obedient for me, I can't believe it. Where did that bratty attitude go mh?" He whispered and I could feel his warm breath hitting my bottom lip. He closed his fingers around my throat tighter, making me feel even more light headed, additionally to the side effects of the alcohol.
We were both staring deep into each others eyes. In this moment I had given up. As hard as I tried to ignore him, as hard as I tried to keep my distance, this proved I couldn't do any of those things. There was something behind all that hate. I just didn't exactly know what it was.
"That's really all I needed to know." Joel let go of me and stepped back.
"What?" He could probably see the deep confusion in my eyes and started to laugh at the perplexed look I gave him.
"You're letting me get this close to you after repeatedly telling me how much you hate me? God you must be so fucking desperate to feel me. Poor Aleksi." He almost whispered, looking at me in amusement while running his fingers through his still wet hair. I could feel how the confusion towards Joel slowly turned into anger.
How could I have been so dumb to participate in his stupid little game when it had been obvious he would be playing me.
As if what I almost had accidentally said in the car to him wasn't bad enough already, this was way worse. He had power over me now, something he could always hold against me and he knew it.
Author's note:
Somehow I always finish my chapters at like 3am lmao I am sorry💀. I was just really busy today and started writing pretty late.
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Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)
Fanfiction❝ Doesn't it scare you? The things that we both do I am just like you We're meant to be necessary tragedies Enemies with benefits ❞ Her past had led her here, Naomi knew that. This path had been layed out for her by the universe far befo...
