Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)

23 - not meaningless

I was shocked at the sight of my own face when I looked into the dirty bathroom mirror.

My hair was a complete mess, it looked like it hadn't been brushed for days. The makeup that I had applied this morning was completely ruined. The tears of pleasure I cried apparently had spread the black color of my mascara and eyeliner everywhere under my eyes and down my cheeks.

"Oh my-." I stepped back and almost had to laugh at my own destroyed sight.

I was just relieved that no one had crossed paths with me on my walk of shame from the studio to the bathroom stalls. Because there was no way a person that would have looked at me in this state wouldn't have realized what happened to me, or rather who.

I ran my fingers through the tangled dark brown strands of hair, trying to put it into place but it was just getting messier and messier and after almost having an existencial crisis, I gave up on that part.

Maybe I could at least make my face look somewhat normal again. I turned on the water and bent down. The colness of the water felt pleasant against my hot, burning skin. I was rubbing my skin furiously, trying to make the remains of black color under my eyes disappear. I spent a good couple minutes trying to remove the make up but when I looked back up there was still black color smudged around my eyes, only now my face had turned red from friction and the coolness of the water. "Oh lord."

I decided that I did anything possible I could to hide the fact that Joel and I had been hooking up but somehow I didn't seem to be very successful. I sighed and came to terms with the fact that there was not much more I could do without a hair brush or make up remover, so I turned away from the mirror and started to walk back to the studio.

I found Joel sitting on the couch, he was putting his black leather jacket back on and proceeded to tie his shoes. For a moment I stopped and just stood in the doorway to look at the man that had turned my whole life upside down. My heart was so full of him. And now that we had done the unspoken, there was no reason for me to push him away anymore.

"You know, I've been washing my face for the past couple minutes but I still look like a mess." I sighed in despair and walked up to the blonde one. He looked up at me and chuckled while I sat down next to him. "Guess I'll have to hold back a little next time, mh?" Joel was raising his eyebrow at me, looking into my eyes with that beautiful pair of his. "Next time?" I asked innocently and slightly tilted my head.

"Why are you looking so surprised? You thought I would fuck you one time and then never touch you again?" The older one scoffed and turned his head away.

And that's when I saw it. I finally saw that glimpse of emotion in his eyes again that I had last seen after Aleksi had beaten him up.

"Joel I don't know what to expect of you. After all, I don't even really know you. I have no idea who you are." My voice started to tremble a little, suddenly I was scared. I had been feeling so sincerely happy up until now, but in this moment my head was spinning around the thought of losing Joel to his lack of emotion again.

"Believe me, I have no idea who I am anymore either." He turned his head back towards me. There was something that his beautiful eyes reflected that I had never seen before. I couldn't really make out what it was, but it deeply mesmerized me.

"Naomi I just want you to know that this wasn't meaningless to me. That you aren't meaningless to me." Joel's spare words hit deep. I knew how hard it must have been for him to say these words out loud, how much he was struggling to open up to me. The fact that we somehow went from hating each other to falling for one another, like our lives were scripted by the writers of the next big teen movie, was unbelievable to me. I couldn't comprehend the fact that Joel seemed to feel the same way about me as I felt about him.