"What did he say to you Naomi?" Aleksi's voice was trembling, I could see his hands were shaking from anger. I took a deep breath to calm and collect myself because I definitely could not have this whole conversation with him while balling my eyes out.
"He said that you were having feelings for me Aleksi, is that true? He lied right? It's not true, is it?" My vision was all blurry from the tears I tried to hold back but ended up running down the sides of my face regardless. I hadn't felt such deep betrail and hurt in a very long time and I sure didn't think Aleksi would be the reason that I would experience these feelings again just so intensely.
"Naomi I-" I could see how he struggled to find words, nervously intertwining his fingers. I was scared of his answer but at the same time I needed certainty. My heart was beating so fast I could feel the blood rushing through me up until my neck.
"Yes. I had feelings for you Naomi. Deep feelings. But we were living together and you were having a boyfriend at the time so I didn't want to bring it up because I was afraid I would risk our friendship, I was afraid of losing you Naomi." I had to find support and held onto the door frame for a few seconds when his words hit me out of nowhere. I was afraid I would fall over from the shock that was going through my whole entire body.
So it was true. And learning all of it from Joel, that was probably the worst part. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before I continued to speak.
"So you never told me but you told the guys every single detail and I am walking in here with absolutely no clue and now had to hear all of this from Joel. Do you know what he said to me Aleksi?" My voice became louder and louder with every word that left my mouth. "He said that I broke your heart, that I made you feel miserable, that I caused you pain, that you couldn't get over me. You could have told me Aleksi! Why didn't you just tell me?! Why didn't you just-" My voice cracked as the tears kept coming and I let out a loud painful sob. "It was never my intention to hurt you Aleksi. Never. I'm so sorry." I started to cry even more violently now.
Aleksi stepped closer and slowly wrapped his arm around my body. "No you're right I should have told you. Don't blame yourself please I hate seeing you cry like this because of me." He was barely whispering as I buried my face in his shirt and soaked it with my salty tears.
If I would have known that Aleksi had feelings for me earlier, I would have done a lot of things differently in the past. Knowing how much I probably hurt him without having a single clue that I was causing him so much pain, that thought was killing me. But the fact that he held me in his arms and just let me cry for a few minutes until I slowly calmed down, told me that everything was going to be okay eventually.
"Aleksi do you still have feelings for me?" That question slipped out of my mouth before I could even think about it and I immediately regretted it. Aleksi released me out of his arms, looking deep into my eyes while grabbing one of my hands and carefully holding it in his. "Of course I do. I mean you're hard to forget, honestly." He made a short pause before he continued "I know you're probably not feeling the same way about me, and that's fine. But I just need to try this. At least once."
The next thing I remember was how Aleksi pressed his lips on mine. I wasn't able to move at first because I was in so much shock. This was another situation I didn't see coming, it totally threw me off track.
When I realized what was happening to me I pulled away and took a step back. "Aleksi I'm not sure if this is a good idea. I really don't know what to feel right now. I mean I like you but I'm just not sure if I like you in that way." I brought up under heavy breathing because I was still out of air from crying continiously. "I know. I'm sorry if I went too far." I could see his bright blue eyes reflect a mix of hurt and guilt and I was sure mine did the same. I felt so meserably awful.
"No don't. I promise you that this will not change anything between us, I will not let Joel get in the way of our friendship and the strong bond we have. Besides if you give me some time to sort out my feelings, who knows maybe I will feel the same way. I mean I never thought about you in that way because I never expected you to feel about me the way you do. But maybe if I get used to the idea, who knows what the future holds for us." I slowly but surely ran out of breath again. Aleksi's eyes were lighting up a little now. I was glad that we had left the probably worst part of this conversation behind us.
"I'm glad you're here Naomi." Aleksi forced himself to a little smile, so I smiled back at him. "Me too." This time it was me who was wrapping my arms around him to let him know just how much I loved him one way or another.
No Joel Hokka could just come and destroy the bond we had built up and streghtened for years. That man knew exactly what he was doing when he said those filthy words right to my face. But his plan didn't work out as expected. In fact it had been rather counterproductive. I couldn't wait to throw that in his face the next time I saw the devil incarnate.
"Do you want to sit down and watch a horror movie like back in the days when we still had that crappy TV in Amsterdam?" He asked while I was still hugging the black haired boy tightly. "Absolutely."
The rest of the night Aleksi and I spent cuddled up on the sofa together watching a horror movie. To be honest I didn't pay a lot of attention to the movie. My mind was constantly revolving around Joel and why he hated me so much. Was it because I had hurt Aleksi so bad in his eyes? But he wouldn't drag one of his best friends into this whole mess that he was creating just to purposely hurt me, would he? The more I racked my brains, the less everything made sense. At the end of the night my conclusion was that we just naturally didn't get along. That had to be it. Not finding a rational answer to my question made me go insane but I really had no better explanation to offer at this point.
Author's note:
Oh well Naomi has a lot to figure out now but we will see how that goes in the next chapters, well well. I am gettting vaccinated tomorrow so I hope I don't feel too shitty and can write more chapters for you guys, since you seem to enjoy the story so much. Love you all❣
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Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)
Fanfiction❝ Doesn't it scare you? The things that we both do I am just like you We're meant to be necessary tragedies Enemies with benefits ❞ Her past had led her here, Naomi knew that. This path had been layed out for her by the universe far befo...
