Predisposition|Remus Lupin

Kiss me

Chapter XLIX

Ricky Montgomery: Line Without a Hook

Remus throws his head back in raucous laughter that still makes my stomach flutter, the kind of laughter that you can't help but join in with, but somehow I feel sickened by his humour. Tonks has spent the last few hours trying to explain to him the ritual in which I'll carry his child, honestly the man's starting a club.

Tonks stared wide-eyed at me and Sirius, well after dragging him from Regulus's room, he's looking at me like something that needs to be saved. Remus wipes the corners of his eyes and I'm not sure if he's being spiteful, but he senses my discomfort with his reaction and any resemblance of humour is cemented over with disturbed extremity. 

"No. No, this, it's selfish Tonks." He wipes his hands on his knees, the same way he did when he was trying to comprehend things. It gave him an appearance of naive boyhood that he couldn't seem to rid himself of. A boyhood which I got a glimpse into.

"Don't tell me it's selfish when I spent over a year trying to get you to just love me."

"I-"

"Remus," I warn and he clamps his mouth shut. Shifting on the chair I sigh as every bone aches, everything feels like it's compressing.

We try to ignore how Remus stretches like he's coming to comfort me, to place his hand on the ever-growing bump.

"And I suppose you're okay with this? Not like you're in enough pain as it is."

"I am happy to do this. In fact, it feels right and as crazy as it sounds, Tonks deserves this, after everything we put her through. Remus you let her believe there was a chance, you strung her along, just as I had. And no apologising will ever make up for it, so yes, if this will make Tonks happy, if this is what she wants, then I will always be there. For her and the baby."

Remus's lips part and his eyes stiffen, like a smack round the face, he's watching me like a despondent parent. But Sirius, he steadily stands from the armchair, placing his hand on my back he kisses the top of my head

"I'm proud of you darling." And he leaves the room without another word. The stairs creak and the door to Regulus's bedroom closes again, and there's a voice and finally, it clicks. What he's been doing up there all this time.

He's been speaking to Regulus. Apologising for not noticing him sooner, for condemning him the way he did. For abandoning the person who needed him most, and there's anger fluctuating in the house, but it's nowhere near as pungent as the contrition.

"How exactly are we going to perform this ritual? I mean, it's not like any of us studied this sort of magic before." Remus tries to sound unbothered, but there's a catch in his voice, a small clip and his facade is ruined. Or maybe guilt ruined him first. He knows this is right, he knows this is what he owes Tonks, and he knows that it's the best for his unborn child.

"The nymphs who were with my mother. I'm sure they would have encountered something like this, I could sense their magic. It was ancient like it knew a world of magic before our own. We just have to find an address."

Remus looks between Tonks and I as she clicks her fingers, I stare at him cooly, he's not winning this battle if it's what he thinks. But of course, he'd submit, Remus Lupin will always bend at my will.

"Let's just see if we can find this address first."

"Thank you, Remus." Tonks throws her arms around him as she sinks into his frame and he sighs, placing his arms around her in a way that says 'I'm sorry I couldn't be enough'. And maybe Tonks will accept his apology, maybe she never will. But at some point or another, we all have to forgive, forgetting is for us to decide.