Predisposition|Remus Lupin

It hurts so good

Chapter XXXI

Fleetwood Mac: Dreams

We all sit and stare at each other. I can't be angry at them.

Yes, it hurts.

Fuck does it kill me to know that my father has wanted me all these years, it burns to know that he did this to protect me. But I know, that if it were Remus and I, we would be doing the same to protect our child. So what do I feel when I look at my parents?

Admiration. They were kids, they should never have been expected to give up their lives to fight a war and try and become heroes.

"I don't remember any of this." Remus sinks to the chair beside me. I grab ahold of his hand trying to calm him whilst struggling to catch my own breath.

"When I heard Sirius was imprisoned, there was talk that they were questioning you next. I needed you to forget us too. It was the best option for everyone, but the potion became illegal, for obvious reasons, so I simply vanished. When I saw you at Hogwarts, I cast a disillusionment charm, you would have a sense that you knew me, but my identity would always be concealed."

"Guinevere?" Sirius whispers as Marlene explains the process of removing the effects of the potion to Remus. I look up at his bloodshot eyes.

"I have missed you my whole life." I croak. Sirius stands, settling down in front of me.

"You won't be without me ever again. I've spent so much of my life suffering for things outside of my control. But now is my time and I promise you I will dedicate every single second of it to you and your mother. If you'll have me?" I'm down on the floor beside him, wrapping my arms around Sirius and burying my face in his shoulder like I'd wanted to from such a young age.

"Of course I'll have you." I'm choking through sobs and Sirius is trying to calm me down in the best way possible. We were both new and unfamiliar with how to exactly act like a father and a daughter and it was odd to know that Sirius one used to rock me to sleep and swaddle me in a blanket. Our bodies shudder as the tears seem endless, and for the first time in my life, I'm holding my father.

Everything is clear and he holds me because he's afraid to let go. I am surrounded by family, something I never thought I'd be lucky enough to find. We stay on the floor for a while, just hugging and crying for every year we missed of one another's life. Sirius pulls away and he holds my face in his hands, inspecting every inch of me.

"You're beautiful." There's longing in his words and I know he wishes he was there to teach me my first spell, help me ride a broom. But I promise him we have plenty of time to fill in the gaps, because I will always protect my family no matter the cost. It's odd to have been living in the same house as him and not knowing he was my dad, it only makes me resent my mother just that bit more.

"I lucked out on the genes." I grin, making our way to our feet, I see something cast across his eyes. Something which resembles worry and the minute I think I can be happy, I'm filled with dread. "What is it? Sirius?" he looks past my shoulder to mum, and there's the same look in her eye.

"I just need to talk to your mum for a moment. Why don't you have something to eat." Brushing my hair behind my ear, without another word, they're both storming out of the kitchen. Remus is hunched over the table, clutching his hair. Mum must have reversed the effects of the spell, I pour a glass of water for him and settle next to him, resting my head in the crook of his elbow.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've been smacked in the face with a cauldron." We stifle a laugh and Remus talks through the fuzzy memories coming back to him. Remembering the day Sirius was taken to Azkaban, I take note of the details, they'll be useful for proving Sirius's innocence. It's odd hearing him talk about my parents, it reminds about our age gap and I think he does too. Our hands tighten around one another and I remember the first argument we had, he was adamant he was too old for me. But of course, it only made me love him more.