Do it 'cause I like the pain

Chapter 2

I was thrown into the wall, I coughed and puked over my side,
Dad yelled" What the hell did I say if the school called one more time?!" My head dropped, he grabbed my hair and pulled my head up." What did I say?!"
I groaned" That you... you were gonna beat my ass till I couldn't move."
" And what am I doing?!"
" Beating my ass till I can't... can't move." He punched my head into the wall, the pain was already numb and I... I felt good. I felt okay with it.

I pulled myself up as my door slammed shut, my entire body was numb and I felt high off the pain. I fell back onto my bed and stared at my ceiling, mom went into work about 3 hours ago, so it'll be a while before she's home. It's nearly 4:00pm, dad's about to be blacked out because he was drinking so much vodka while beating the shit out of me. My eyes drifted shut, then my phone dinged, I looked and saw a message from Brooklyn, she's a block away with schoolwork.
I said" Shit, shit, shit!" I scrambled up, and grabbed my jacket, pulling it over my tank top to hide the redness of my beaten skin. I ran to my bathroom and scrambled to my makeup, I poured some concealer onto my fingers and started covering up the fresh bruises from when I got home last night. My phone dinged again, she was a house down, I ran out of my room and downstairs. I saw dad passed out in front of the tv, I sighed then walked outside.

I put on a smile as I saw her, she smiled at me and hugged me, I hugged back immediately.
She said" Here is your missing school work, Tortoise. Are your parents home?"
I said" Uh, yeah, dad's watching some game on the tv. Mom's at work."
" I'd love to meet your dad." My heart raced,
" Uh, he likes quiet when the game's on. Uh, not a good time."
" Okay, it's cool. Why do you look so scared?"
" Uh, just watching a horror flick. What can I say, guilty pleasure." She laughed, nodding her head," Uh, so... see you tomorrow?"
" Definitely." She kissed my cheek, and walked away, I smiled then walked inside.

I leaned against the door, I smiled widely, staring at the work,
I heard dad say" Who was that?" I gulped and looked up, standing straighter," I said who was that?!"
I said" A girl from school."
" Like a girl would be interested in you, you're disgusting."
" Must get it from you." Oh, shit.
" What'd you just say, boy?!"
" Uh, I'm sorry." He stormed over to me and threw the schoolwork out of my hand, he pinned me to the door. He punched me in the eye, I yelped and fell as his grip on my shirt let go. He walked away, I scurried upstairs as fast as I could.

I locked my door, gulping as I slid down it and breathing heavily. I let go, a silent sob left my lip as I just punched my floor, as hard as I could, repeatedly. After a few minutes, I stopped when my fists ached, I choked on my own sob and got up, I walked to my bed and laid down. I pulled my knees up and stared off as the pain soaked up to numbness and the feeling was euphoric.
——
I was sitting in the therapist's office, staring at my lap,
She said" I know this must be strange for you, Jude. But I'd really like to get to know you."
I said" What do you want to know?"
" Well, how about why you've gotten into 58 fights this school year?"
" Well, high school is terrible, and people are dicks."
" All people?"
" Some aren't, but in general... most are dicks."
" And why do you think that?"
" Guys catcalling and making girls feel uncomfortable, picking fights, bullying."
" And why don't you just go to the principal for these concerns?"
" 'Cause it's easier to just punch someone."
" I don't think so, Jude. I've seen some of the videos posted of your fights, and you seem to enjoy it."
" Why would I enjoy getting punched?"
" Because you believe you deserve the pain, I just don't know why."
" I don't deserve getting punched. I like giving people what's coming to them."
" Jude, this is a safe space, you can tell me anything."
" What am I supposed to tell you, when I'm already telling you the truth." My fist tightened,
" You're getting aggravated."
" No, I'm not."
" You are, just don't want to admit it yet. Look, Jude, I'm here for you to talk to, so we can further a diagnosis."
" I'm 50 shades of fucked up, are you happy? Or-or I've been terrified every single day since I started high school, and all I wanna do is hide.... Or-Or, I hate where I live and I wish I could just fly away. I mean... I'm like 50 shades of fucked up, I like the pain... I like getting punched, kicked, thrown... I like getting bruises and fractures and just plain ol' hurt. There are you happy now? Because now I'm just pissed and I'm outta here, this stuff won't help me." I stood up, running out, out the lobby and to mom's car.
I opened the door to the car and got in, slouching into the seat.
She said" That bad, huh?"
I mumbled" Can we just go?"
" Yeah... sweetie, we can. After I talk to the therapist. I'll be right back." I huffed as she got out, I glared at nothing, then punched my thigh. I sighed as relief filled me instead of anger, I closed my eyes and bit my lip.

I was laying in my room, listening to music, my door opened then my mom jumped into the bed with me.
She said" It is Friday night, what is my troublemaker of a son still doing in his room?"
I said" Being a good son."
" Well, that's very boring. How about you text Brooklyn, see what she's up to?" She smiled at me, I smiled back the same way... sarcastically.
" How about you stay out of my personal personal life?"
" Well, I had to try. How about we go pick up greasy diner food and go watch a drive-in movie? Dad's passed out in the living room."
" Why do you stay with him?"
" Because I only have you and him, I've got no one else, Ju. You know that. And I can't take care of both of us on my own."
" I'll get a job, I'll get two, three-"
" No. Jude, no. You are in high school, these will be the best years of your life if you get out there. I didn't get that, I want you to have what I didn't."
" He hurts us."
" I know, I know, baby, but as long as we have each other, nothing will break us." I nodded," Wanna go?"
" Yeah, let's go." She got up and I followed her out, we quietly walked downstairs and headed out the door.

I was laughing as mom stared at the big screen in a disturbed manner.
She said" Shut it, crazy."
I said" Well, you're the one grossed out by a blood... pond?"
" You disgust me."
" I know, I live to disgust you."
" She's covered in blood."
" It's just red dye and corn syrup."
" The fact that you know that is disturbing, my child."
" I know. But I get my obsessive behavior from you, my mother."
" Touché." I smirked, and took another bite of my burger," How's the grease burger?"
" It is perfection."
" Dork."
" Definitely." I smiled and continued to watch the character swim through the blood pond.

It was pretty late, almost 3am, mom and I drove around after the double feature, dad was definitely gonna beat my ass for being out this late... but I'll make sure mom doesn't get beat too. He can beat me all he wants, he just won't touch her. Mom unlocked the door then opened it,
She said" Honey, we're home. I'm sorry we're so late, it was a double-feature and we drove around a bit." She turned on the lights and I froze as I saw blood everywhere. She screamed," Oh my god!" I stared at the blood, then it smelled like rotten eggs," Baby, baby!" I snapped my attention to her," Don't look, don't look." She had tears in her eyes, she held my face in her hands." Let's go... um, let's go outside." She dragged me back outside, and called the police.

Once the police arrived, I was sitting on the steps to the porch, mom walked up, she looked at me.
She said" We're gonna be staying in a hotel for the night, when we leave, okay? It'll be soon."
I said" Okay."
" Are you okay, baby?"
" The house was locked up, and-and that smell, it was like rotten eggs. What's going on?"
" He probably made some eggs, sweetie. I don't know, but we're safe."
" Okay, mom."
" Okay." She kissed my head, then stood up, walking towards an officer.