The Rose of Lancaster | The White Queen

Come Back To Me

October, 1484, Westminster

Sitting by the window in the royal nursery, donning a plain black gown and a caul that hid her dark hair, Marian looked out into the courtyard and watched as Richard helped Lizzie down from her horse, catching her securely in his arms and laughing and smiling as he had not been seen to do for months. Arm in arm they went inside, Marian looked away, took to staring around the vast room.

It was empty, had been empty since late April where, once she was well again, the Queen had ordered that her children (along with her niece and nephew) be removed from court and taken back to Middleham. It was the opinion of many that she did this due to the constant threat of invasion from the Tudor, but that was not the truth. No. She sent them away because she could not bare to face them.

In her mind she had killed their brother, Dickon, and so could not bring herself to even glance at her children, let alone speak to them. She had been so sure of her guilt that she didn't even say goodbye to them when they left for the North, something which was said to have made them all weep pitifully. 'It is for the best' she had told herself 'it is for the best'.

After her son's death, she had practically all but full withdrawn from court life, leaving Lizzie to take over most of her duties while Marian mourned her loss. She even held the King's hand at Dickon's funeral, which was held a week after his death. This action had not been something Marian had really approved of but let it slide as as soon as she entered the chapel she had fallen to her knees, sobbing while her remaining children held her, leaving Lizzie to comfort Richard.

The Queen had tried her usual tactic of shutting those she had lost away in her mind, never speaking nor thinking on them but with Dickon her efforts proved to be futile. From dusk till dawn all she could see in her mind and when she closed her eyes was his happy smiling face with shining brown eyes gazing up adoringly at her...then she would see his limp body, laying stone cold on his bed, eyes now closed...his boyish laughs and smiles gone forever...

Many a time now, Richard had pleaded with her, begged her to let him in, but after Dickon's death she had shut everyone in her life out. She truly didn't know why Richard even continued to acknowledge her, she had killed their son, yet he never outwardly blamed her. In her mind she was sure he must hate her, no matter what he said.

Now, Richard came to her again, having safely delivered Lizzie to her chambers, opening the door and shutting it quietly behind him.

He walked to the window where his wife was sitting and reached out to take her hand. She pulled away. The King sighed and sat opposite her, gazing at her with heartbroken eyes.
"It has been 6 months, Mari. We cannot go on like this" he said and at last Marian looked at him
'We must" she replied flatly. Richard shook his head
"No, I refuse to let this continue any longer. Come back to the court"
"No"

He sighed again, reached out so quickly that this time she couldn't pull away and found her hand in his.
"Please Mari, don't shut me out like this...I need you"
Marian let out a cry, bowed her head.
"Oh, please, Richard" she begged "Do not torment me like this! Send me back to the North, divorce me, have me killed if you wish but heaven forbid torment me no longer with your charade of love when I know it to truly be hate!"

Richard's eyes widened with hurt and with shock and he suddenly took Marian by the shoulders, shaking her slightly.
"Christ Marian what on earth are you talking about? I love you, I have always loved you and I always will..."
"No!" She yelled, her voice filled with grief and anguish "please stop...just stop Richard. Tell me the truth for heavens sake!"

"The truth is that I love you! And why would you think any different?"
"Because I killed our boy!" She screamed and then broke into a fit of tears, covering her face with her hands as Richard looked on, stunned.
"What..." he whispered as his hands dropped to his side and Marian looked up for a moment.

"I-I k-killed D-Dickon" she stammered "I was the one that brought the fever from the Tower...tis my fault, Richard...it's my fault our boy is dead"
The King was silent for a moment, then reached out and (despite her struggling a little bit), drew Marian into his arms.
"My dearest love" he whispered as she finally gave up her resistance and continued to cry into his doublet "is this what it has all been about? All these months? Why you sent the children away? Why you doubt my love for you and have shut me and the rest of the world out? Because you blame yourself for what happened?"

Marian nodded mutely, sniffing.
"I am the one to blame...I'm so sorry Richard"
The King shook his head, slowly reached up and removed the caul that bound the Queen's hair so that he could gently run his fingers through it in an attempt to comfort her.

"No no, my sweet" he murmured against her cheek "tis not your fault...you were not the one who gave the boys the sickness"
"And how do you know that, Richard? You're just saying that to try and get me to emerge from this room"

Richard shook his head again.
"It was not you, Marian" he said "it was their nurse. She was the wife of the man who first came down with the fever at the tower, the man we believe you caught it from as did the rest of his unit"
"That doesn't prove anything" the Queen mumbled but her husband continued,
"It does, you see, I checked the records, Mari and it says that the children already had colds, even before you went to the tower, with exactly the same symptoms you had before you fell. Only it took longer for the disease to take hold of them which is why they fell ill at the same time as you. You are not to blame, Mari...you are not to blame"

Marian had stopped crying now, was staring up at the King with a ray of hope glimmering in her dulled eyes.
"Is that true?" She whispered "really really truly true? You are not lying?"
"I give you my word, Marian"

The Queen sat silent for a moment before a small smile appeared on her lips. The first smile anyone had seen from her since April.
"I have peace...oh, Richard, I have peace..." she suddenly whispered "and my boy shall have peace too. Send for the children...bring them back...tis what their brother would have wanted"

Richard let out a quiet chuckle as relief flooded through his veins, he hugged Marian tightly and began to place heated kisses on her cheek.
"I shall send for them directly! You know how happy this shall make them! They have missed you...and so have I...but now, you shall come back to me?"

The Queen raised her head a little more and slowly nodded.
"I shall" she paused, needing one last bit of confirmation before the weight she had been carrying for half a year could truly be lifted from her weakened shoulders. "Do you love me Richard?" She asked "truly?"

Her husband gave her a little sigh full of affection and a wry smile along with a soft kiss to her lips.
"I love you, Marian Plantagenet" he said "and I shall love you till the day I die"

The Queen's smile widened a little and she blushed, at last at ease, even though there was still pain in her heart.
"I'm so lucky to have you" she whispered, reaching up with a trembling hand and placing it gently against the King's cheek.

"Shall you re-enter the court at the feast tonight? I'm sure Lizzie shall be relived to not have to act in your stead any more! She seemed to rather enjoy it at first but then..."
"What?" Marian asked, tilting her head. Richard shook his
"It matters not, my dearest, it matters not"
The Queen raised one eyebrow, but had not the strength at that moment to press him further, so, she simply snuggled into his arms and allowed herself to rest for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.