The World is Ugly (Frerard)

17: Gerard's Franktionary

Well, I've been haunted in my sleep
You've been starring in my dreams
Lord, I miss you

Gerard's POV

Where could he be? I ask myself, after a long day of Franksearch. And in case you were wondering, yes. I thought this was a special case and Frankie deserved his own word. I mean, he deserved so much more, but for now naming the Franksearch was the most I could do for him. So back to my point, we had spent the whole day in Franksearch and we still found no trace of him.

We went everywhere he could've gone and even some places we thought he'd never be at. However, Frankie was nowhere to be found.

I decide to end the search at the Sushi, keeping my hopes up high that he'll be there, and ask the guys to drop me off near our statue.

"You sure you don't want us to come with you?" Oli asks, rolling the window down as Brendon does the same.

"No, don't worry. If he's here, I want to meet him alone. You've done a lot guys, thank you all so much" I say.

I see all their faces kinda relax a little at that. I don't think they want to stop searching, but they are all tired and I get it. I mean, we just spent the whole day running all over the town without any sort of clue of where he went.

I am starting to really worry, but I don't want to pass on my bad vibes to the guys. They helped me a lot, after all, so I do my best to smile big for them.

"Bye dudes" I say, and they all wave back at me.

Brendon starts the car and I get a final glimpse of him looking at me through the car mirror.

I keep smiling wide until they are out of sight and then run inside the park. I trust them all as my family (actually more), but I still don't want any of them to know my little Franktuary.

Don't blame me for changing up every single word now, but my brain is scared for him and when I'm scared it does not function acceptably. So deal with it.

I run to the pissing man statue, a growing feeling of warmth in my chest as I get closer and grow more and more certain that he'll be there and everything will turn out okay. He'll be there. I'm seeing Frankie! I think excitedly, as though I hadn't just seen him earlier today.

I finally reach the pissing man and what I find disappoints me.

Actually, it's not what I find but what I don't that upsets me.

The pissing man is tragically Frankless. As am I.

I stop my feet and take a moment to look around, part of me half-expecting to find him climbed up on a treetop or laying in an awkward position that would've made it impossible for me to see him earlier.

Anyway it's not like that and I know it. I look at the grass in defeat and fall to my knees, feeling a hole in my stomach. Not only have I not eaten but I've also had a lack of Frank for today, and that is strangely a physical need to my body, or at least it seems that way.

As I was saying, I fall to my knees and begin to sob silently while pulling distractedly at blades of grass.

What have you done, Geetard? I ask myself. I don't know. Yes, you do. I nod. I do. Something awful.

I hear my own head trying to make me feel worse, and I shut it up. I didn't know I could do that, but apparently I can. So I kneel and shut my mind, only the sounds of a pissing man fountain and my quiet sobs breaking the silence.

It feels so wrong to be here without Frank. It kind of feels like I've broken an unspoken pact with him. However, I need Frank right now and the Sushi is the closest I can get to him without him actually being here.

I lie down on the same spot I did when we smoked the other day. I put my head right on the exact same place and my body on the same position. I close my eyes and imagine it's that day again.

I am laughing. Frankie is too, and that makes me happy. He says something silly about how planets are just like huge ballsacks or something and then he rolls on the ground next to me. He stares at me with a serious face on, not breaking eye contact during about five minutes straight and my high self can't seem to bring himself to do so either.

Finally, Frankie laughs it off and turns to rest his head on my stomach. It feels weird but I kind of like it. Scratch that, I really like it.

I wish we could stay like that forever, just looking at the clear sky and laughing at each other's stoned wisdom.

I reach up a hand to rest on his head and stroke his cheek with my thumb, however when I try to do so, I end up stroking my own stomach. My Frankless stomach.

I look around, confused before reality hits me like a graceful rock fluttering  into my face and smacking it hard. He's not here.

I close my eyes and pull at my hair, not at all happy with the realization, however unable to do anything at all about it, so I begin to cry again. This time, I let my sobs be louder and my tears fall farther.

I miss Frankie, and it's all my fault that he ran away or went to do whatever it is he's doing. And it's probably not good.

Frankie, where are you? I think, and I open my eyes. Right now I want nothing but to smoke, but it feels like I'm breaking our not-an-agreement-but-anyway-kind-of-there contract even more by smoking. I haven't done it without Frank for two years, and I don't want to change that now.

After a couple hours of violent sobbing, the sky has gone dark and I decide it's too late to go home.

The streets will be empty and the alleys dark. It's too dangerous. Besides, I didn't bring my motorbike, so it'd be the most dangerously suicidal walk home ever. And as much as I don't appreciate my life, I still do not want to die without Frankie. Wait that sounded wrong.

As much as I don't value my life, I don't want to leave with Frankie missing. Or with Frankie here either, actually. He's too awesome to leave behind. It's kind of weird, but it's like when he smiles he becomes like a light that outshines all the dark things in my life.

In the darkest night, even the faintest light is blinding, right?

So, my point here is, I think I'll just stay here overnight. What's the worst that could happen?

Besides, perhaps in the morning Frank will show up here and I won't have to look for him anymore.

I smile at that. It's highly unlikely, however it's still a possibility and as of now, all possibilities that involve Frank make me happy. No matter how unlikely they are.

We've gone through this, but I'll think it again for you.

In the darkest night, the faintest light is blinding.

I repeat that to myself until I fall asleep, of course sinking deeper and deeper into a dream gloriously full of Frankie.

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Hi um... Idk... Just thought that this'd be kinda cute haha

Umm... Leave comments and votes if you want to bc I love hearing (reading, whatever) what you have to say and my heart does like an emo backflip of happiness whenever I get comments from you guys

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-meh