The World is Ugly (Frerard)

11: The Worm

-TRIGGER WARNINGS-
Hi people!!
So yeah, I decided to put the A/N at the beginning of this chapter as a warning. I don't know if you read my message, but this chapter has some trigger warnings. I really don't want any of you guys to get hurt in any way, so if you have the slightest feeling that this will get to you, don't read it please :C
The chapter is not really that relevant to the story, so you can skip it if you wish.
Anyway, if you actually want to read it, I've marked the start and end of the trigger warning so you can decide for yourself wether you read it or not.
If you want, you can message me or something, I am very good at doing spoilers haha.
So yeah,
I love you and I hope you like it :)
>•<
-meh

And if I ever let you down,

I'll be the one who drives you home tonight

Gerard's POV
Maybe I overreacted. I mean, Frank didn't do anything to me and I just exploded.

But he's just so stupid! I don't give a fuck about his mom, he should have fought her or at least tried. I don't know what got into his mind to make him think that was the only way to go.

I feel a single tear stream down the side of my face.

I'm scared for Frank, I'm just so fucking scared.

-TRIGGER WARNING-
I'm scared because I know how once suicide crosses your mind, it does nothing but remain and take over your every thought. You can never really get rid of those thoughts, because your mind wraps around them and begins to accept it as your only option, the only way out.

And you know what? I'm not prepared to lose Frank. Even though he probably won't kill himself, I feel as if I've already lost him. I remember how I lost myself back then, and I'm afraid it will happen to Frank as well. It really defines your whole identity.

I hate that I wasn't there for him and I hate myself for it. If I had been there that day, maybe his mother wouldn't have picked up that knife, and maybe she wouldn't have attacked my Frankie. If I had been there, maybe he wouldn't be as broken as I am.

I wipe off the tear with the palm of my hand and rest my head on my knees.

Maybe he's not broken. Maybe he was only being stupid and acting like it. I'd like that a lot more. I mean, I already know my best friend is a dork, but I'd rather have that than a broken dork.

Or maybe I'm overreacting again and he's not broken at all. Maybe it affects people different and he doesn't feel the darkness taking over his mind. Perhaps it's only me that feels like there's this little worm growing inside of you, making you grow fond of the feeling of a cold barrel against your temple. Maybe it's only me that has to fight that worm every single morning to keep myself from running to the medicine cabinet and taking every pill I can without reading the labels.

Maybe Frank is stronger than I am and isn't cowardly enough to take the easy way out. Yeah, I think he is.

I grin to myself. Yes, Frankie is strong. Stronger than anyone I've ever seen before.

But still, it wasn't right for me to call him stupid when he confessed something as big as that to me. It wasn't right at all and I know it.

I should know that in times of weakness, the last thing you need is for everyone you trust to yell at you and insult your every move.

I bite my lip, hard. I close my eyes and dig my teeth deeper into my flesh, until I taste blood. Frank didn't deserve what I did to him, but I do deserve the pain of a split up lip, at the very least.