posting now bc i won't be on wattpad much for the first few days of new year to upload this chapter. i've kept you waiting for long enough, anyway. i apologise in advance for how short and shitty this is.
thank you for not giving up on me. your votes and comments really do inspire me, and i thank you in advance for your engagement with this chapter. please read the important author's note at the end. this chapter is dedicated to a close friend who has really helped me over the past few weeks. love her with all of my heart ❤️
please note that there is a potential trigger warning for this chapter. it isn't a spoiler that the topic of death and grief is prevalent. please don't read if this will upset you greatly or makes you uncomfortable in anyway.
~***~
No matter how many years would pass, I knew that the pain of visiting my father's final resting place would never subside. He is the main reason for my love of the sport I have turned into my career. If it wasn't for his constant support and perseverance whenever I encountered a barrier, which was usually in the form of a sexist or misogynistic idiot, I would never have been given the opportunities that propelled me forward and probably would've given up relatively early on. I am eternally grateful for him. Right now, it feels like my desire to pay him back for all of the hours sacrificed to get me where I am is the only thing spurring me on. I wish nothing more than for him to still be with us. I want to make him proud.
It's been four years since I saw his smile in the flesh, or heard his laugh, or given him a hug. Four long years. Cancer is cruel and unforgiving - it doesn't give two shits if you're a good person or if there are people around you who love you. Not only was the disease cruel enough to pluck my dad from this Earth, but it also felt the need to claim my mother, too.
Even before his passing, I have been dedicated in supporting the research to find a cure for Cancer, granted it was only really amplified when I experienced first hand the pain that it can inflict on not only those with the disease, but also those who are close to them. As a Formula One driver, I have been a huge platform in which I can promote this important cause, as well as many others. Several charities are promoted on my race suit (and Stof's and Lewis's when I explained the importance of it) including Cancer Research UK and Macmillan Cancer Support. The latter charity was especially helpful with my dad during his diagnosis and treatment, and continued their support even after his passing. Out of my pay check, a percentage is split amongst all of the charities I currently support, however the ones closer to home typically receive a larger portion.
I hated the fact that I wouldn't be able to visit my dad's grave on the anniversary of his death. This would be the first, and hopefully last, instance of this happening. Instead, the day before would just have to do. Luckily, Juliette agreed to meet Max and I at the graveyard so it wasn't something I had to deal with alone. Andrea, my dad's widowed partner, agreed to keep Xavier company whilst Juliette was gone.
The tightness in my chest and the feeling of damp cheeks from my crying was something I had gotten quite used to over the last month, however this didn't make it any less painful. As I sat crosslegged in front of the marble headstone recounting stories from the past few months, I hoped that my dad was able to hear me in addition to Max and Juliette. I told him some of the highlights from my most recent races, as well as the lows from my personal life outside of the sport. I had never been a religious person, however I knew my dad believed in God and would be safe in His arms in the heaven he knew existed. I could find peace in that.
For four hours, one for every year without my dad, I stayed at the graveyard. Despite this, the time seemed to pass by too quickly for my liking and, before I knew it, I was getting in the car and headed to the airport.
Max and I hadn't had much of a chance for a 'normal' conversation when he arrived back from work because my mind had shifted away from the incident with Lando to my dad. I was forced to think about it if I wanted to look ahead to this weekend's race; there was no way Lando would be able to avoid both Max and I in the paddock. I knew that I needed to tell Max before Lando got a chance to in case the Dutchman were to get angry. I'd much prefer he get the chance to process the information without Lando present instead of acting impulsively and potentially getting himself into some serious trouble with his team, sponsors, and the FIA.
Damien was set to meet us at the private airport with Daniel, who we'd be be flying with for the two and a half hour journey to Budapest. The Aussie liked to fly with his now former teammate and I wasn't going to say no to tagging along. Max and Daniel's press officers, both of whom I got on with really well, were supposed to be on this flight with us, however some teams had the opportunity to fly out some of their staff even earlier in order to prep for the weekend ahead.
The first thing Daniel did when he saw me was wrap his arms tightly around me in a hug. He barely gave Max a second glance when his attention was all on me, and I couldn't help but laugh lightly at the pout Max gave. The bromance those two maintained even though they were rivals was really sweet. If anything, they get on better when they're not pitted against each other as teammates.
"Would it be a stupid question to ask how you're feeling?" Daniel asked as he eventually pulled away from our embrace.
I offered him a sad smile. "I'm doing okay, all things considered. How're you?"
"Still trying to forget that last race."
"You and me both," I said in agreement, earning a nod of solidarity from Max. "Yet another win stolen from me," I added with a joking glare to Daniel.
"The guy who stole it last year was much better looking." Daniel's face lit up in a grin as he not-so-subtly gestured to his own face. I'll never forget the mistake I made that allowed for him to dive up the inside of me and steal the lead when it looked like I was headed for my first ever win in the sport. "Although," Daniel's eyes flickered to Max and his teasing grin only seemed to grow, "at least we can both say we finished the last couple of races. Our dear little Maxie really has the worst luck."
"I'll redeem myself this weekend, mark my words. It'll be a Grand Chelem."
Daniel sniggered and patted his friend's shoulder sarcastically. "Okay, mate. And if you do that, I'll marry you so this one," he nodded his head in my direction, "doesn't have to."
I was about to jokingly thank Daniel however a voice calling my name interrupted me. Damien was standing in the doorway of the plane, looking down at us on the tarmac. Already, he had a flute of what I'm certain to be alcohol in his right hand, and his phone in the other. I shielded the bright sun with my hand so I could look up at him without squinting.
"What?" I asked, folding my spare arm across my chest. I needn't worry about luggage because a worker had already loaded it onto the plane for us before Max and I made our way onto the tarmac to meet Daniel.
"Care to tell me why the whole of twitter is blowing up?"
"No, not really," I replied with a shrug. "Do you care to tell me?"
Damien rolled his eyes. "Why the fuck has Lando Norris unfollowed you?"
***
"You can't possibly stay tight-lipped for the entire flight," Damien said with a groan. Max already knew that Lando and I had had a falling out, but the details were something I was building up to. It would be so much easier to explain it to Damien if he knew about Max and I's engagement, however he couldn't keep a secret for shit. If I tell him, I risk everyone I knowing and more finding out before the end of the weekend. For this very reason, I refused to spill any other details other than 'we had a falling out' after swiftly unfollowing him right back on all of my social medias and archiving any photos of us on my account. If Lando wanted to be petty, he can sure as hell bet I was going to be twice as petty in return.
Somehow, I had been able to avoid answering the question for over half of the expected flight. One of my tactics was offering Damien more and more alcohol so that he spent a lot of time frequenting the plane's toilet after breaking the seal. I could see him growing increasingly tired, too, so I hoped he would eventually drift off in order to tell Max and Daniel privately.
"Fine, don't tell me!" D huffed and folded his arms across his chest. He stood up from his seat opposite Daniel and moved to the far end of the plane, settling into one of the chairs there. He grumpily shoved on his headphones and opened up his laptop, presumably to focus on work. He should not be doing work after consuming that much alcohol, but I wasn't going to stop him when it finally left Max, Daniel and I some peace.
"So," Daniel began, smacking his lips together, "you going to tell us?"
I glanced at Damien and then back up at a hopeful Daniel. Max was also looking at me expectantly. "Mariah Carey is only good for Christmas music," I called out, waiting patiently for a response from Damien if he could hear us. It was a topic he was very passionate about so I knew he was unable to hear us when he didn't move in the slightest. "Okay, he can't hear us."
"You sure?"
"Certain," I confirmed. "So," I let out a sigh, interrupting myself. "Max, you have to promise to not get angry until I've finished, okay?"
"Does he do something to give me a reason to be angry?" He queried with a raised eyebrow. I hesitantly nodded my head. "Then no promises."
I knew I wasn't going to convince him otherwise, and if anything I'd probably be a little sad if Max didn't get angry at what I was about to tell him. Daniel left his chair and perched on the edge of mine, his arm wrapping around my shoulder for support as he intently listened in. Max had also leaned closer in his chair in apparent apprehension.
"When Lando came over, he saw the ring on my finger," I began, fidgeting with the plaster securely wrapped over the ring in question. "I had every intention of telling him about Max and I then and there, but he saw it before he even stepped into the house. I started explaining about how it all happened and that this was what I wanted for my future. I thought he was going to be supportive about it, but he wasn't." I paused as a frown fell on my lips. Max's fists clenched on his knees, however he remained silent in his seat. "He started going on about how I was too young to be getting married, that Max was just going to hurt me again, and then..." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the fury in Max's eyes, "and then he kissed me and told me he loved me."
"What?" Both Daniel and Max exclaimed at the same time, however each portrayed very different tones in their voices. Whilst Daniel sounded surprised by the revelation, Max's voice was low and laced with anger.
"I-I obviously told him that I didn't reciprocate the feelings he had towards me, and we argued. I said some things that were probably a little too harsh, but then so did he. Apparently I had been 'leading him on', but that was never my intentions with him. It all finished with him leaving and saying that we couldn't be friends any more," I finished, finally opening my eyes. Max was the only thing I could see. The muscles in his jaw were clenched tight and he had stood up from his chair. "Max you have to promise that you won't do or say anything, okay? Please promise me that you won't retaliate."
"But he-"
"Max, please," I practically begged. I reached out a hand and took his in mine. "You guys are best friends-"
"Were best friends, I think you mean. If that fucker thinks that I'm going to let him off lightly-" Max stopped in his sentence when his eyes finally locked onto my pleading ones. I watched his expression reluctantly soften. "Fine, I promise I won't punch his lights out."
"Can I?" Daniel queried.
"No!" I exclaimed in protest, turning to face Dan with a frown. "Don't you get involved in this, too."
"But kissing and confessing his love for his best mate's Fiancée is messed up, especially when it's hurting you, Lys. It's breaking so much of the bro-code," Daniel shook his head and leaned back in his chair, his nose scrunching up as he spoke. "I just hope for both his and your sake that he comes to his senses soon, or else I know that what Max does to him will be justified."
"No it won't be," I replied. "No-one is hurting anyone, okay? I'm just telling you both now so Max'll have a chance to process all of this. If he was to hear it straight from Lando, I doubt there'll be much of the poor sod left without a bruise." That's true. There was no denying the fact that Max was unopposed of using his fists to make a point, although he has slowly been getting better at controlling his temper. I knew that Lando's actions have caused an irreparable rift in their friendship and I hated that, at the end of the day, I was the underlying factor in it all. Before things could return to somewhat normal again, I would need to fix things with Lando myself - that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon.
A smirk was clear on Daniel's lips as I looked up at him. "Not even a cheeky little nut-shot?" He asked.
I chuckled softly, knowing that the majority of the previous anger was dissipating. "Maybe just the one if you get a clear shot."
Daniel rubbed his hands together. "Perfect."
"What about me?"
I turned to my Fiancé and giggled at his pout. "Max, you'll probably punch them so hard they'll retreat back into his body, or do some permanent damage. Just try to stay away from him this weekend."
Max nodded his head. "Of course I'll try, schatje. He is the last person I'd want to be stuck in a room with, maybe other than Charles." I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "I hope you realise that this means I'll be bothering you during the lunch breaks, or any break I get."
"Bother Pierre instead - I'll be too busy."
"I doubt he's as good a kisser as you, though, Lys," Daniel remarked with his signature wide smile. I could tell he was proud of what he said. "I mean, he's been with Cate forever now, and you've gotten with," he then proceeded to count on his fingers, over-exaggerating the number by a long margin by dropping each of his ten fingers twice, "almost the entire driver population."
"Fuck you."
"I can safely say that you haven't," he said, shrugging his shoulders.
"I wouldn't want to," I retorted.
"Nah, schatje, you wouldn't," Max interrupted, nose scrunching up in disgust. "He's not all that impressive. Daniel's what people would call a selfish lover."
"I get it - what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." With the amount that those two flirted, I would honestly be surprised if absolutely nothing ever happened. Who knows what they got up to with large amounts of alcohol in their system? "Anyway, if you two can keep yourselves out of trouble, I think I have a good shot at keeping my head straight and avoiding any trouble. A win would be nice this weekend, just so I can say that I'm making my dad proud. It should be my redemption and hopefully the start of me getting back on track. Most of all, I just want an uneventful race weekend without any more drama. If I speak it into existence, it'll happen, right?"
Oh, how wrong I was.
~***~
*not edited*
sorry this chapter is short and shitty. but what do you think is going to happen? obviously, i have drama planned that you don't want to miss out on.
if you have any money that you can afford to give away, please donate to charities when and where you can. the two main charities mentioned at the beginning of the chapter will be linked on my profile if you would like to make a donation to them specifically.
as you may have noticed, i haven't replied to the comments on the previous chapter and have been even more inactive than usual. unfortunately, a close relative of mine passed away a few hours after posting the chapter and it really hit me hard. i learned about their cancer diagnosis a couple of months ago and we were told that, with treatment, they could live for up to another two years. a few weeks later, none of my family were prepared for the news that they was unlikely to make it until christmas. i didn't get a chance to tell them how much i loved them. i didn't get a chance to see them. i didn't get a chance to say goodbye, and i won't ever be able to because of the current limitations in the uk. it's something i will regret for the rest of my life. please please please let the people you love know you love them. it's something i was stupid enough to take for granted.
this was another reason why this chapter was delayed publishing. it's sod's law that this unfortunate event coincides with a very similar event in this book.
hope you all have a good new year!
qotc: what would you like to see more of from this book in the new year? any characters you think should make more of an appearance, or topics you want me to cover? please do let me know!
aotc: ???