My night is filled with laziness and mochi. My mom has work, so I'm all on my own. Instead of cooking an actual dinner, I decide to just munch on mochi and watch a show.
As I'm curled up under a blanket, completely engrossed in my show, my phone dings. I reach over and pick it up off of the coffee table.
Unknown Number: Hey y/n!!!
Me: who is this?
Unknown Number: Damn can't even guess? It's Kuroo silly
Me: omg how would i have guessed that?
Kuroo: Uh...Have you given your number out to a lot of people recently or something?
Me: none of your business
Kuroo: Salty... :p
Me: is there a reason you're texting me out of nowhere?
Kuroo: No not really, I'm bored and you're entertaining
Me: what do you mean 'entertaining'?
Kuroo: Idk you just hold my attention better than my chem book rn
Me: shit, you must really be bored
Kuroo: I literally say that already...What are you up to?
Me: i'm just eating mochi and watching anime. it's amazing.
Kuroo: Sounds like it. Is your mom watching it with you?
Me: nope lol it's just me tonight. she's at work rn
Kuroo: Can I come over then?
Me: wtf you're not serious
Kuroo: I 100% am
Me: what happened to not being able to hang out this weekend?
Kuroo: Well...I'm not at work rn...so...
Me: dude this is so random, idk
Kuroo: Please :3
Me: mmm idk
Kuroo: Cmon I'll be on my best behavior I swear!!!
Me: finnneeee I guess
Kuroo: YES GAHAHAHA I'M ON MY WAY RN!!! SEE YOU IN A BIT!!!
Me: drive safe please
I sit there for a few seconds and just stare at my phone. Holy shit, I just invited him to my house at--I glance at the time--9:30! Okay, it's really not that late...
I get up and look around the room. It looks pretty clean, but there are a few mochi wrappers strewn about. Whoops. I pick them up and throw them away in the kitchen. Everything else seems to be pretty clean. The house still has a new feel to it and my mother and I haven't had a chance to make a mess of anything yet.
"Okay, it looks fine," I think, sitting back down on the couch and starting my show again. I try to focus on the TV, but I can't stop bouncing my knee and glancing at the door. I realize that I have no idea how far away he lives. After about ten minutes, I see headlights through my window. He's here! A few moments later, there's a knock on the door.
I spring up and bounce over to the door, feeling giddy. I fling it open and Kuroo is standing there, hands in his pockets. He has a on a white t-shirt and sweats and his hair looks messy. I gulp.
"Hey! Come in!" I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside.
He looks around the hallway with an awed look on his face. "Your house is so cool. Fuckk!"
"Yeah, it's nice. Still doesn't feel like home yet, but we're getting there."
He lets out a low chuckle. "I guess you really have only been here for a few weeks. It feels like it's been longer".
I pull him to the living room after he takes off his shoes.
"For putting up that much of a fight over text, you seem awfully happy that I'm here, y/n," he says.
"Oh be quiet..." I say, cheeks flushing a little. Why am I acting like this? There's nothing weird going on here.
He laughs and sits on the couch. In my spot, I immediately notice. He pats the spot next to him. "Get over here, you can't watch the show if you're just standing there!"
I roll my eyes and plop down next to him, resting my head on the back of the couch. I grab the remote and start the show. "I hope you're okay with this. We can watch something else if you want."
He turns his head towards me, "No, no, this is absolutely perfect."
I reach over, grab my blanket that I had been using earlier, and snuggle up under it.
"Can I have some?" Kuroo says over the show, looking at me and gesturing towards the blanket I'm wrapped up in. Well, it is a huge blanket...
"Sure, here you go," I reply softly, untangling myself and throwing some of the blanket over him. We're a bit closer than I thought, and I can feel the warmth of his body under the blanket.
I try to focus on the show, but it's useless. The only thing I can focus on is Kuroo, whose body is just so close to mine. Our shoulders are only a few centimeters apart and I can smell his cologne and shampoo. Out of the corner of my eye, I study him. One of his arms is above the blanket, and with my eyes, I trace the lines of his veins down his arm and to his hand. My eyes trail from his collarbone, slightly exposed from beneath his white shirt, up his neck and to the curve of his Adam's apple. Looking higher, I follow the sharp angles of his jawline to his profile. His messy hair covering one eye...His straight nose...The curve of his lips. His lips look beautiful and soft. They're slightly parted as he watches the show, curving upward when something funny happens.
"What?"
I almost have a heart attack. I totally thought I was being less obvious watching him. This is awkward...
He's looking at me, raising an eyebrow, smile playing on his lips. No! Stop looking at his lips! "Oh, nothing! Nothing at all!"
"C'mon, why were you looking at me like that?"
"Looking at you...Like what?"
He just looks at me.
"Just watch the show," I say, facing forward and grabbing his face with one of my hands and turning his head towards the TV. His skin is warm under my hand.
I let go and put both of my arms under the blanket before I get any bad ideas. I need to stop this. I need to stop catching feelings for Kuroo. I refuse to become one of those girls Saito told me about. I can't ruin what we have.
As we continue to watch, my eyes start to feel heavy. Damn, I'm way more tired than I should be right now. It's only--I look at the clock--11:00. I toy around with the idea of telling Kuroo to leave before I pass out, but the truth is, I don't want him to leave quite yet. I try, I really do, to stay awake, but before I know it, my head has lolled to the side and I'm fast asleep...
BOOM!
I feel my whole body violently jolt awake. It takes me a second to figure out that the sound was from the show and that someone hasn't just dropped a bomb on my home. I hear and feel Kuroo chuckle...From beneath me. Wait, what?!
As consciousness seeps back into me, I realize that my face is on Kuroo's chest, my hands on his abs. I also feel the weight of his arms...Around me. Oh no, oh no, what am I doing??
I quickly detangle myself from him and retreat a few feet away on the couch. My face feel flushed and I'm embarrassed. How did I even end up like that?
I can tell he's looking at me, but I keep facing forward, refusing to look back at him.
"Hey."
"What?" I say, trying to play it cool.
"Look at me," He says, his tone serious
I look over at him and find his face full of concern and confusion. "Are you okay y/n? Did I do something?"
"Um...No, of course not. Just...How did I get like that?" I saw, gesturing towards his chest. This is embarrassing.
"You fell asleep and you head just sort of hit my chest. I didn't know what to do, you just looked so peaceful. I'm sorry, I thought that was okay. Gosh, I should've woken you up, I'm sorry." He looks genuinely panicked.
"No, don't worry about it! It's fine...I just...I just didn't know how that happened. Sorry, you were probably uncomfortable, I can't believe I just...fell on you like that." I say, covering my face with my hands.
I hear him scoot closer. He gently grabs my hands and pulls them away from my face. I'm suddenly looking right in his eyes. "No, it wasn't like that. It didn't feel...Wrong. Listen, y/n--" He says, brows slightly furrowed. He looks...Nervous?? "I hope this isn't going to sound rushed, but I just--"
"No, I'm so sorry, please don't say anything. Please...I can't...I can't do it...I-I have to go get water" I say, voice cracking, before jumping up and quickly dashing to the kitchen.
I grab a random cup out of the cabinet and start to fill it with water from the sink. FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm shaking. I'm absolutely positive he was about to start talking about feelings.
I feel a hand on my elbow. "Hey, what the hell is going on y/n?? If I crossed a line there, please tell me! I--I thought you could tell that I--"
I whip around and cover his mouth with my hand. His eyes are wide and confused.
"Kuroo...I'm--I'm sorry. I don't want to ruin what we already have, please just don't say it, please..." I say, chest heaving. I'm terrified and trying to salvage this before it breaks.
He grabs my hand from his face, but doesn't let go of it. "I just thought...Y/n I swear I wasn't hallucinating. I swear you felt...something." He's extremely confused.
I look away from his face, eyes darting on anything but him. "It doesn't matter, Kuroo. It doesn't matter how I feel. I can't just be one of those girls--"
"What?"
I look back to him. "What do you mean 'one of those girls'?" He asks quietly.
Panic-mode begins to set it. Before I can stop myself, I'm saying, "Saito told me about you and how you sleep with a lot of girls and don't do relationships. I'm not judging you for it, but I don't want to just be some one-and-done to you. I don't want to get my heart broken...You mean too much to me and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to mess this up!"
He looks at me for a moment, his mouth open. He closes it after a second and drops my hand, clenching his jaw.
"You don't...You don't even know what you're talking about." He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a humorless laugh. "So what, were you planning on just taking Saito's one-sided story to heart? Were you just planning on just burying your feelings because of some stupid preconceived notion about me? That's fucking bullshit. You do realize that you could've talked to me about this right? You know, the one who all the fucking rumors are about?"
"Kuroo, I'm sorry! I thought that we could just be friends! I-I don't know what to say...I didn't know you might have feelings for me."
"There's no 'might' about it! I DO have feelings for you! And you obviously have feelings for me! God, this is so fucked. I can't believe you were just planning on keeping all of this shit to yourself...And I cannot believe that you think I would just fuck you and then toss you aside. Shit, that's what hurts the most...You really think that low of me."
He's right, this had all gone to hell. And it's my fault, it's all my fault. "I don't think low of you! I said I'm not judging you for any of it!"
"Yeah, but you actually are, can't you see that, y/n? You're letting that...idea...of me cloud everything else."
"I'm so sorry...I'm so fucking sorry. Please...Kuroo, just don't leave!"
He looks at me, and I already know what he's going to say. "No, I should probably go. It's late and I've got work in the morning." He takes his keys out of his pocket and makes his way to the door. After he puts his shoes on, he looks back at me. "Get some rest, y/n...I'll--uh--I'll text you tomorrow. Goodnight." With that, he opens the door and leaves.
For the first time in years, I cry.